How to Deal with a Break Up

“No feeling is final.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

I met him the last semester of college and was instantly attracted to him.  I was definitely attracted to him physically, but it was the way he sat in class with such quiet confidence and mystery that made me long to know him.

I practically drooled all over my desk whenever he spoke, but couldn’t even bring myself to say, “Hello.”  One night out, I saw him standing by the bar. I told my friend that I had a crush on him and she promptly gave me two choices: Go speak to him or, she would embarrass me. Needless to say, I chose the first option.

I don’t remember what was said when I approached him, and in the grand scheme of things I guess it’s irrelevant. We spent the entire evening together. He taught me how to tie a tie, he told me about his closeted love for Vanilla Ice, and we shared the most romantic evening I had ever experienced.

His affinity for Vanilla Ice notwithstanding, I fell in love with him that night.

We graduated only a few short months later and moved away from each other, but maintained a friendship over the years. We got together whenever time and space would allow.

Recently, I took a chance and revealed that I had romantic feelings for him. In a fairy tale-like manner, he flew across the country, and we made the decision to start dating. Everything was great—until it wasn’t, and we broke up.

Although the decision to end the relationship had been mutual, over the following months, I cycled through many feelings and emotions. One day I would tell my friends that I was “so over him,” and the next day I’d find myself flat on my back, sobbing uncontrollably, wondering where we went wrong.

Even today, I can’t say that I have fully gotten over the relationship, but there are a few things that have been helpful to me in the process.

Embrace the feelings.

Breaking up with someone can feel like a major loss. It’s crucial to give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship; however, it’s important to remember that everyone mourns differently. Some people cry, get angry, lash out, become sad, or deny that the relationship is really over. If you’re anything like me, you’re likely to feel all of these emotions at once.

Don’t beat yourself up for feeling a certain way. My therapist calls this a tendency to “double bad.” You experience a negative emotion (sadness) and then make yourself feel even worse for experiencing it (guilt). We often think that we should be handling a break up better than we are.  We tell ourselves things like “I should be over her by now,” or “I should be handling this better,” or “I shouldn’t let this get to me.”

But, in actuality there is no “right” way to get over somebody. Despite the numerous manuals and self-help books that have been written on this topic, the only real way to deal with a breakup is…to deal with the breakup.

Remind yourself that these feelings are a natural part of the healing process and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel whenever you feel it.

Stay present

Instead of dealing with the current state of the relationship, we sometimes tend to keep replaying the past, looking for answers that can’t always be found, or mentally create future situations that allow us to (temporarily) escape the pain.

Depending on my mood, I would either analyze various scenes from our relationship, searching for any type of clue as to why things ended, or imagine a future in which we both realized the error of our ways and ended up happily married (with children).

However, focusing on the past and future forces us to stay stuck in an endless loop of pain and confusion, and prolongs the healing process. Stay present in the moment and allow the emotional wounds to heal naturally.

Learn love’s lesson. 

Even though it’s difficult to accept that the relationship has ended, I have still gained invaluable information from the experience that I may not have received otherwise. I am better able to recognize what I need in a relationship and to communicate those needs to others. Also, I’ve found the courage to face some of the issues that floated to the surface in the process of opening myself up to another person.

Yes, sometimes the lessons hurt—and like hell.  But learning is an important part of the healing process. No relationship, no matter how negative it may seem, can be considered a “failure” if you have grown as a result of the experience.

If you’re open to it, each relationship offers the potential for spiritual growth and evolution. Rest in the knowledge that while you’re learning love’s lessons in preparation for your future mate, he or she is being prepared for you, too.

Photo by CarbonNYC.

About Alana Mbanza

Alana Mbanza is a freelance writer and the author of LoveSick: Learning to Love and Let Go. Even more than a writer, she strives to be an active agent of creation, choosing to see and create life through the lens of love. Visit her website for more information about her freelance writing and coaching services.

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  • Great read! I had a hard time getting through my last break up and I often cycled through a plethora of emotions. And you’re right, the only way to get through it is to let yourself feel it and not be critical of yourself. I struggled with this aspect and I thik it only prolonged some of the sad feelings I had. Great advice to take away!

  • Teachingu16

    Who is this author, she’s real. That’s exactly how it is with the breakup. But I always remember its the experience of love that is exciting for our own life. And she will always have that experience for the best.

  • Chocolatesilk104

    Alana, thanks for the well-writte, informative article, we all go through breakups and it is good to know there isn’t a right way to deal with it.  Keep putting out articles, I’m proud of your success! 🙂

  • RobEsq

    I am absolutely floored! I enjoyed each moment of this piece. You writes as if your life depended on it. The words are woven together life a perfect quilt and engulfs the reader with warmth, depth and completeness. Amazing and I am anticipating the next article.

  • Carl S

    What a great piece.  Much of your experience mirrors mine from a recent relationship.  Almost a year later, I’m still dealing with some of it – and that’s okay.  Everything in its time.  Thanks for the words.  Peace.

  • Carl S

    What a great piece.  Much of your experience mirrors mine from a recent relationship.  Almost a year later, I’m still dealing with some of it – and that’s okay.  Everything in its time.  Thanks for the words.  Peace.

  • Amanda @ 36broadway

    Hi Alana – it’s very ironic that this post was showing in the top window when I came to Tiny Buddha today. I’m in a very difficult time in my relationship at the moment – you know, where it basically sinks or swims. How I would get through a break up has crossed my mind many times recently, and your guidance is extremely relevant and helpful!
    Staying present is something I’m focusing on more and more and I can imagine so important when moving through a break-up.
    Thanks for the wise words!

  • Chris

    ” imagine a future in which we both realized the error of our ways and ended up happily married (with children).” 
    I seriously can’t stop thinking this. When my sleepless nights are overpowered by exhaustion, I am usually awakened with tears. And there is no longer anyone there to offer comfort. This is the hardest time I can remember and so empty.

  • Vineeta Makhija

    HUH.. I’m trying to get over the one 1 love since 3.5 years n don’t u think I’ve tried all this.. ofcourse i’ve.. but no this click thing is really dangerous.. u r rite no self help books can cure it.. it just goes eventually..

  • Christinag_18

    Thank you for posting this. Im going threw a hard break up and three months later im still thinking ‘what if’. Staying in the present has helped me but im still going threw all my emotions. Today especially has been hard realizing my other half is gone. Keep writing I really love your articles.

  • Hi Christina!

    I’m glad this post came at a good time for you. I was amazed, when reading this, how much I could relate from break-ups I’ve been through in the past.

    I’m not sure if you noticed, but the daily posts are actually all from different people. This is Alana’s first post on Tiny Buddha. Anyone can contribute a post to blog. If you’d like to read more, you can find the submissions guidelines here:

    Have a wonderful day!

  • My relationship with my girlfriend just ended recently and I have been dealing with these emotions. It’s been the first really hard test other than anger that I’ve had to deal with after deciding to look down the path that Buddha has shown me. My first response was, “Don’t be sad, stop it.” then anger, then depression, then denial, then anger again, then acceptance, then sadness, then fear. While feeling all of this I realized that it’s ok. It’s ok to feel these things as long as I don’t let them control me. I have been doing much better, while still sad, and constantly tested as she calls and wants to “hang out” around every corner making it harder I have nurtured my feelings and no longer feel as bad. I feel sad, of course, but I feel ok. And that means a lot. I really love what you’ve written here, and thank you for this article. 次回までは、友人

  • Michael

    This is precisely my biggest issue in life right now and at the sixth-month point after the break-up of a five-year-long, live-in relationship I’m still missing my ex as if we just broke up yesterday. The bit about “I would either analyze various scenes from our relationship, searching
    for any type of clue as to why things ended, or imagine a future in
    which we both realized the error of our ways and ended up happily
    married” is exactly what I’m going through and even though I know all of the intellectual reasons we split up I’m still resolutely sure I’d love to have her back in a full relationship again if she’d be willing to try again. I have been heavily depressed and suicidal and still in as much pain now as on the day she moved out and I have no idea if I can actually pull out of this.

  • Brandon

    I couldn’t have summed up my emotions any better if I had written this piece myself! I am currently riding the emotional ups and downs of a break up (three months after a five-year relationship). This really was therapeutic! I just want to say thank you!

  • Alana Mbanza

    Thanks for your comment, Amanda.  It’s truly amazing how what we need always manifests exactly when we need it.  When I was going through my breakup, I stumbled across a “break up handbook” in a bookstore that was going out of business and had less than 50 books left! Random right? It didn’t really tell me anything new but there was something about the timing that really gave me peace.  I’m glad my blog was timely and relevant for you. 

  • Alana Mbanza

     Thank you Carl. I still have my moments of sadness but it gets easier, I promise!

  • Alana Mbanza

    What an amazing comment, thank you!

  • Alana Mbanza

     Hello Dante,
    Thank you for your comment.  I love that you said you’ve learned to embrace the feelings without letting them control you.  I think that’s an extremely important distinction to make in dealing with a break up but also just in life in general.  We are emotional beings so it’s natural to feel but becoming immobile because of those feelings is dangerous.  I’m so glad that things are getting better for you and I really appreciate the comment!

  • Alana Mbanza

     Hi Michael,
    I often ask myself what I would say or do if my ex ever called and said he loved me and wanted to try the make our relationship.  The rational part of me says “heck no!” without any hesitation but there’s another side that’s hopeful? in denial? delusional? Regardless, the fact is that both sides are perfectly natural parts of this experience.  It’s OK for you to feel the way you’re feeling. I’m not saying forget the reasons you broke up but obviously there were some good aspects of the relationship that shouldn’t be denied either. Embrace all of the feelings; good or bad they all have equal merit.  And, if it seems like you can’t get through it on your own there is absolutely no shame in seeking out additional help.  Sometimes you just need an objective ear and a safe space to process things.  Thanks for your comment. Peace and blessings!

  • Alana Mbanza

    On the nights that I couldn’t sleep, the thing that helped me the most was writing about the break up.  Sometimes, it would be as simple as “I hate you” or “I love you.”  Sometimes, it was imaginary conversations that I wanted to have with him.  The point was to stop the repetitive thoughts and get them out of my head.  Seeing them on paper made them less threatening and gave me some sort of peace.  This practice might be helpful for you as well.  Take care.  

  • Alana Mbanza

    Thank you!

  • Alana Mbanza

    You’re exactly right.  Even though break ups hurt, the experience of love is so rewarding.  Thank you for your comment!

  • Alana Mbanza

    Thank you for your comment!

  • Alana Mbanza

    The pain does fade with time but sometimes we all need some extra tools in our tool belts to deal with these difficult experiences.  I hope that things get better for you and thank you so much for your comment!

  • Alana Mbanza

     Thank you, Brandon.  I’m glad it was helpful!

  • Lisa

    I think this reaffirms my decision to be end my relationship. I have been debating going back to him…but I think God shows us paths to take and this sign speaks loudly. 

    Still, break ups suck. 

  • Kelly

    I want to say thank you for this article. I’m going through a break up right now & ( I don’t want to believe it) I am desperately trying to hold on & scared of the pain . But this has brought me some peace by reading it. So I say thank you.

  • Kat

    I always get your posts exactly at the right time. Thank you for this. I know I will refer to again and again during this time of loss for me.

  • Jim

    I was feeling great until I looked at the comments section and the first comment has the same name as my ex-girlfriend… dangit!!! lol

  • Anonymous

    I really resonated with the tendency to double bad. I
    intellectually realize that I don’t need to bring on more suffering by
    feeling badly or shameful about my own natural emotions. Thank you for bringing
    out so many comforting and peaceful truths. I continue to reread this post to
    remind myself of the possibilities of growth, and to remind myself that I am
    not the only person that is going through a break up. It can be such an
    isolated business, to carry shame, but ultimately isolation and shame are
    more illusion than life. Thanks for a great piece.

  • TC

    How true is that. A breakup can be jump start for your own growth. I think after most of the pain subsides, you realize that the universe is giving you the lesson you needed, even if that wasn’t what you originally want it.

  • Bernardo

    Thank you for the article, it fits with what I deal with at present. The most painful step for me was when I decided to clean up all the photos, cards, gifts and etc. She broke up with me on her birthday 🙁

    I definitely agree with your post, give yourself a “sad period” is necessary. Listening to sad song, share the story with friends, it is legal even if you need to cry. In order to feel happy you have to know about sadness.

    Time will heal

  • Eric

    Spot on, especially the part about trying to figure out why it ended and the part about replaying past or future scenarious. Currently with a break-up that happened out of nowhere and yes it hurts like hell. This post was like a cold glass of water on a hot day. God bless in life and love.

  • Pams

    I love this article! I am going through a break right now, and I’ve been so confused see I also seem to go from one emotion to the next. Nice to see I’m not the only one. Your tips are also really helping me finally let go of him and move on from the relationship. Thank you!

  • Nate Alba

    thank you! ive been married for a year and will probly get divorced, im trying to stay together but hes the one hving doubts even tho the reason why we are separated was something he did. im not sure if should still have hope or get ready in case its really over. waiting for his answer is just killing me. i dont know if i should keep fighting for someone that isnt willing to apologize and cooperate on the relationship, feels like im deluding myself…

  • Taffy

    I was in a similar situation too Eric, with a break that just ended so suddenly it just left me utter shock, but it’s been four months since then and I will tell you that the pain is nowhere as bad as it was initially. I still do have days where my mind wants to just dwell in it but staying in that sad zone is a lot shorter now than in the past. Now I’m slowly getting back to my old self and feel much stronger as a person because of this experience. 🙂

  • kiki

    It hurts like hell. At times, it just makes me stay at a place without doing nothing the whole day.

  • apricot

    Hi. I’m dealing with a breakup right now and it hurts so very badly. I feel like we were robbed of what should have been. I was robbed of the future I wanted and the love of my life and I miss him so much and that there must be some mistake. I feel like his reasons are wrong and then I feel rejected because it doesn’t matter if I agree with his reasons or not, the bottom line is he doesn’t want me or none of the reasons would matter. I’m not angry with him but I miss him and I love him still and it’s really awful having to accept something I think is wrong. Sometimes my body hurts so bad and I feel like if I were standing I would just fall down. It’s so hard.
    Thank you for writing your article and thank you to the other commenters for posting your feelings.

  • JBMach

    Thank you for this, though am still fighting for the love of my life, am already accepting the possibility of giving up.. 

  • Kevie29

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 1.5 years today. A few weeks ago, I discovered that he had been posting and replying to craigslist ads on a secret email account. I also caught him in a few little lies related to his internet activity. At the time I caught him, he flipped out on me, saying it was all my fault for snooping and I put the nail in the coffin of our relationship. He told me I’d never trust him again and it was over. I pleaded with him, it was pathetic, I cried and pleaded with him to forgive me for snooping. I promised to never snoop or bring up the subject again. Needless to say this was impossible for me, and I ultimately told him today that it’s a dealbreaker. The hard thing is that he is 99% good and he tried to convince me that I allowed the 1% bad to take over. Yes, I snooped, but I am not OK with what I found. I am proud of myself for sticking up for myself, recognizing and telling the truth, but I keep thinking of the good times we’ve had. I’m in bed, he’s in the other room. I told him I want to work this out, I don’t want our relationship to end, and I asked him to go to counseling with me. He refused. It hurts so much that he won’t give up his internet fetish for me. I believe him when he says he didn’t actually go meet anyone, but even posting/replying to ads is crossing a line for me. And I’ve gotta stick to that no matter how much he tries to flip it onto me. It hurts. I’ve got to move out and tie up lots of loose ends. We’re gonna be living together for a little while longer, and it’s gonna be hard. This is my first break up (my first boyfriend, the love of my life, tragically died after 3.5 years of us being together). I wish it wasn’t happening, but I know I can get through this.

  • RD

    Thank you for posting this. It’s like you’ve written down my exact thoughts and feelings. I’m somewhat comforted by the fact that you literally feel exactly the same as me.

  • Sur_gaurav91

    come on people….what is the point of crying n feeling so broked up after sumone left u behind…im a guy away from my family n stuck in a phase where im facing a break up crisis…I felt like my hert is crying..i felt this is something happening wrong with me…at the next moment i realised that it is nt my destiny and kife..i do have reasons and causes for surviving…i do hav my dearest n nearest one’s, who are integral part of my life n somewhere they made me happy..why nt be happy for them..why nt rejoice the life as we never fall in love…when u miss her/him plz try to forget it as a dream..its so simple if u will feel u will gett emotions n felings r for the one who will have the same for me…other wise i don’t mind keeping my assets with me…the life is long u hav to go a long way….love ur parents not a person who came into u r life n meesed up every thing……im nt very experienced or mature juz  19  year old boy..n i learnt a lot at this age..the entire war n peace….its my ddep thiniking which creates problem sometime but im all good…its people(parents) around s me who loved me so much..other wise i would ended up my life long back…..all tthe best…..plz forgive me if i have written something wrong….

  • Dealing with a breakup is never easy, I’m at the day two stage and struggling to see what good can come of it, though logically I know it the long run it’s better for me but right now I just feel so much pain and worse self blame for something that was completely out of my control. I needed this article right now, thanks for writing it. And to all those going through breakups right now, stay strong and remember they may not be in the picture anymore but the world still turns and life goes on.

  • JPW

         I just wanted to share whats going on with me because it is hard to let it out elsewhere. This time last year i was engaged to the love of my life. We had been engaged for 7 months before I made a huge mistake which wound me up in jail for a while. I thought, “My baby will stick by me. Im a good person I just made a bad mistake.” I was right about her sticking by me…for the first week of my incarceration at least. After the first note I wrote her, she decided to sever all contact and delete any history of us. Pictures of us on facebook, gone. Friendships with my family and me, gone. Its like I had my heart ripped from me and the robber ran off faster than she came. I never had a fighting chance.     
          We havn’t spoke in almost a full year now. Sometimes, I find myself wondering, how can she not still love me, how can she not feel the same things I am feeling? Since being released into freedom there have been some major changes in my faith, my habits, and my general attitude. I feel that now I am a much better person and if things are meant to be in the future, then my higher power will make it happen. Thanks you immensely for this article. When I start to hurt again, pieces like this reminding me to deal with the feelings and not suppress them as well as stay in the present tense, are very helpful.

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  • EF

    This is exactly what I am going through right now too. It’s been 2 weeks since we broke up and I don’t feel any better about this at all and I don’t think it is the right decision. I’m trying to work to accept that this was his choice and I need to respect that and do my best to move on but I feel like he gave up on something that could have been wonderful if we had just given it a little bit more time. I love him and he was my best friend I miss him so much sometimes that I don’t know what to do. Heartbreak is one of the worst experiences. Thank you for posting this. I hope that things have gotten easier for you. I just keep trying to remember that nothing is permanent and eventually this hurt will end.

  • Kevie29

    Just an update, I’ve been doing really well lately. After my last post, my boyfriend went to stay with his friends. Two days later I came home to an empty house. He stole a bunch of my property and took off without even saying goodbye. Actions speak so much louder than words; that was all the clarity I needed to confirm that he was using me and I never meant as much to him as he meant to me. So I’ve been working on moving on. I’ve been dating a little here and there (I even started my own blog and I’m moving into a new apartment this weekend. It feels empowering to take control of my life. My world is so much bigger and brighter without him at the center of it. It’s a struggle and some days I feel so lonely all I want to do is cry, but overall I know I’m doing the right thing and deep down I am content with that. 

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  • Kt

    I really hope I get there! My ex and i just broke up about a week ago and hes in a relationship now. He says he cares for me and still loves me but how could someone move on so fast after a year and a half of wonderful memories? I would like to think this girl is a rebound but he has a tendency to move on quickly from relationship to relationship. Im so hurt by this because i so badly want to text him and have him tell me he loves me and i was special but i feel like im going to get hurt in the end…again. I feel like im in a black hole and cannot get out. What should i do?

  • Kt

    I really hope I get to a happy place. My ex and i just broke up about a week ago and hes in a relationship now. :/ He says he cares for me and still loves me but how could someone move on so fast after a year and a half of wonderful memories? I would like to think this girl is a rebound but he has a tendency to move on quickly from relationship to relationship. Im so hurt by this because i so badly want to text him and have him tell me he loves me and i was special but i feel like im going to get hurt in the end…again. I feel like im in a black hole and cannot get out. I also suffer from anxiety and panic disorder so all this stress makes me feel sick and like i could just collapse at any moment. During our relationship he told me how much he loved me and wants to make things work forever but then in a matter of a night hetold me he thinkgs it would never work out. Then a week later he has a girlfriend. I feel like im in so much mental pain, what should i do?


    Thankyou for your moving words.

    I have been feeling lost and angry since my sudden breakup from my boyfriend of 1 year. 
    I am surrounded by friends and family yet there still seems to be a void in my life and I wake up feeling empty.
    Your words have shown me it is ok to feel how I feel and with time this feeling will become part of the past. 
    For anyone out there who is feeling like me, just remember,
    “If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can’t buy.”
    There is always something beautiful in your life, but sometimes you spend too long looking at the bad, you miss the good. 
    Keep strong. 

  • Antparty

    Hey KT,
    I just got dumped Nov. 13th from someone I’ve dated for 16 months. Thankfully, a relationship that ended 12 years ago and put me through 18 months of therapy prepared me best for this recent break up. I look at healing like I do meditation practice. It’s practice. You do it every day. I see my ego going places and I call it out – “past” or “fantasy”. At this moment, not much is really happening so I focus on it. Yes, it’s revealing how boring each minute can be, but that’s the practice. So that you can slowly become adept at living more in the present. I am exercising patience. Feeling the pain when it comes and every day is a struggle to accept the reality. However, I know that it’s a long road and my mind/body will heal from this on its time, not mine. Good luck to you!

  • kathy

    i agree with this one. i have imaginary conversations in the car so that i don’t have to call him. i imagine him answering back to it the way i’d see him answer it… it helps me let go of things. i know it sounds crazy to some but really, this helped me a lot. i never called or texted him since the break up and i don’t want to so the imaginary conversations are my substitutes. it’s been 2 months already and i feel 95% healed already. yoga has been helping too.

  • Lifeisbeautiful298

    i broke up with my girlfriend int he most unusual manner.
    technically i don’t even know if we are done.
    Her parents refused to accept me as i was 8 months younger to her.
    Its a typically orthodox indian family.
    We;ve been in a relationship for 1.5 years.
    her parents found out about us 2. and i havent heard from her since.
    However i know for a fact shes been going to her office regularly.
    i am worried they must have forced her to create this space.
    all means of communicating her are dead.
    and i dont think trying to reach out to her and then failing would be good idea.
    we really loved each other but we will HAVE to move on because her parents would never budge.
    the right decision is to move on and i am pretty sure thats what shes been trying to do as well..
    all i wish is for is her to be happy and know that i will always be there for her.
    its been almost a month now, but i am still stuck at “how do i move on” and wat do i do if i bump into her somday…

  • Kellyc

    How do you date for 5 years? If you didn’t know after a few months what kind of person you were with then that’s YOUR OWN FAULT.

  • Gkasejg


  • Nelsi

    It’s been five months since I broke up with my boyfriend. I was devastated but I have learned to accept it. I meditate almost every day and I’ve been learning to love myself more. Until today, I can’t say that I totally free from the bitterness, I sometimes still think about him and the other girl. I realized that healing process takes time and we have to be very patient with ourselves. Be strong and believe that everything will be just fine. Thank you for nice post.

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  • JM

    “I’m trying to work to accept that this was his choice and I need to
    respect that and do my best to move on but I feel like he gave up on
    something that could have been wonderful if we had just given it a
    little bit more time.”

    Sums up what I’m feeling right now. We were together for over 6 years, my mom passed away, and then I told him I wanted to break for a while. Something in me snapped, I guess. The break ended up being a very long while, but I still loved him and thought about our future all the time, how great things would be when we finally got back. I was just ready to welcome him back into my life when I found out he was with someone else. He briefly broke if off with her when he found out how upset I was, then decided to get back with her for and leave me behind for good. I feel like he made his choice when things were still really sad, and didn’t give us the chance to heal together. I know this one is sort of my fault, but I feel completely devastated. It’s been a month since he made his final choice, and I still feel like it’s the end of the world and I’m without a future.

  • Sophie86

    Insecurity led me to be in a relationship that I knew wasn’t right for me and when it ended I still acted like someone who had lost a great love, even though it never was. I liked the security of having someone that cared about me, someone to dedicate my time to, time that was never consumed through an interest or passion for anything else. I became the nice girl, running around, cooking, not making plans with friends, waiting for calls that never came and generally putting up with situations that warranted walking away from the relationship. When it then turned into a long distance thing I knew from the start that I didn’t, at the time, have it in me to feel secure about the situation or know how to create a good balance between the two of us. I pushed, and nagged and was never generally happy and I became weak in a game that I didn’t want to play but felt trapped in due to lack of self assurance. I didn’t value myself enough to walk away and be ok with my decision, not to care what he was doing, why he wasn’t calling, who he was with. Those things consumed me because I guess I felt that I had let me self fall for someone who wasn’t really worthy of me and I didn’t understand why they weren’t treating me very well. I allowed it though and have ended up being emotional and needy, two things I never set out to be.
    After a seemingly mutual break up where I couldn’t handle the constant selfishness and lack of consideration and he couldn’t bear my pressure to commit or nagging about the aforementioned selfishness, I have found it increasingly difficult to move on. I know deep down that the relationship isn’t right, that I can’t find a level of happiness with that person that I need/deserve but I can’t work out what it is about the situation/person that is consuming me. Your article has been a stepping stone for me to begin to figure this out. Thank you.

  • 2012Ready

    My ex bf and I broke up a year ago. He is still with the much younger female he allowed to come between us after 2 years of being together. Although I still deal with it at times, I finally had to accept that God or the Universe had me to go through this to give me the lessons that I needed. Most people that fall in love think the relationship is going to go somewhere NOT be a teaching tool or learning experience. So when it ends, the pain can be so deep felt that its nearly impossible to have a Ghandi like wise perspective about all of the lessons learned. But I have learned by example from many peoples lives this saying come true…..”Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone esle.” I say learn the lessons, your being prepared for the right person! 

  • Jen

    I am mourning the loss of a relationship that never was. I have been in love with a male coworker of mine for months now. When I got the courage to tell him how I feel he rebuffed me. It is extremely difficult for me to get over him when I see him every day. It may sound silly to some, but it feels just as agonizing as going through a breakup. The feelings of loss and depression, holding on to the good times and to what might have been.

  • Good article.  May I add that in my own experiences w/c taught me a lot and most of the time were painful, breaking up a relationship is really hard because we were created to relate. Breaking up a love relationship is even more difficult since a lot has been invested by both parties to that relationship. The worst mistake is to think that you have the right to change the other person into your ideal partner. Our gift is our individuality. We all have our own unique contribution to life. We may have our own baggage we bring into the relationship, but that would all heal in time and in the process of interrelationship. WE major most of the time in the negatives, that we forget the great gifts each of us have. The best thing I learned in creating relationships be it to a friend or spouse is to make sure what my motivations are. Majority go into a relationship because the other person completes them or they get something from it. When the time comes that we do not get anything anymore, it starts to crumple and fall apart. Our real motive should be to GIVE. Each one giving and sharing his or her life to the other and vice-versa. That way we don’t bankrupt each other from our withdrawals. Instead, we continue to deposit value and love into that person until he or she is full to overflowing.
    Visit my blog at for more info and share your thoughts.


  • Roeclappsy

    There is nothing worse than breaking up with someone that you are still in love with.  I am on week three of my breakup.  I walked away from my man simply because he made poor choices in our relationship due to his weaknesses.  He loved me; but punished me for it.  He could not deal with his feelings.  I could not take his abuse any longer.  I miss him and I will always love him.  Sometimes you have to love yourself a little bit more and walk away.  They always come back when they know what they have lost.  I miss you sweet.  

  • Yangmsmai

    This is exactly how I feel about my breakup.. I’ve been trying to figure out how I ever let myself get this way..

  • Redmoreno

    OMG!! I read this and felt like this was me talking. I was with the love of my life for 5 years. We had our moments of course, 28 days was the most we were away from each other. I never ever thought it would ever end. And it did. I am in the most pain i have ever felt in my life. I eat soo much food, then i dont eat, i sleep too much, then i dont sleep. I drive around aimlessly after work not knowing what to do with myself. He wants to best friends… how?  I cant !!!! i miss him soo much and im having a very hard time dealing w this, and coming to a realization that we r over!!!!  That i will never have him in my life. I called drunk, begging for him to come back, i drink too much, and im a mess….. im wondering how ur doing? i see your post is 7 months ago.. would love to know ur progress please respond.

  • Juseche42

    Good stuff. If you face the truth and accept the hurt it is the beginning to the better days ahead.

  • Shiva

    I have broken up with the first love of my life. we were in love for 4 years and friends for 5 years… I even don’t know whether we broke up or not. because after a big fight, we haven’t seen or called each other and it has been about 22 days I haven’t heard anything about him.I tried hard to forget him and move on.But day after day i feel worse. Tonight I miss him so much…I miss kisses, hugs, laughs,…. I am begging him in my dreams to text me again.I can’t imagine my future with out him. We planned to get married and now everything is ruined.My whole dreams and 9 years of my life…

  • Renosioux

    Hi Sophie, very well put. How is it going a month later? Very much in a similar situation, I would love more insight.

  • mar

    While reading this I found myself openly weeping.  I recently split with a man i thought to be the love of my life.  It is odd because although it was a relationship that bordered on abusive, one which frequently left me feeling worthless and without hope, i still feel as if I am in a constant state of mourning.  We were together during five years that I can only describe as dark, a constant state of misery punctuated by a tiny life raft of good will, or a grandiose gesture of romance which i clung to in desperation in order to validate myself or justify staying….I am so sorry for writing all of this, i don’t know if there is any point to it, but I right now I feel I have nowhere to turn, as my family and friends (who are numerous and normally so loving and supportive) can’t bear to hear me talk about it, as they have all informed me that they were forced to bear witness to his abusive and cruel behavior for sooo long and i am not entitled to my feelings of grief and longing…feel more alone now than ever… ashamed as i have called him today several times and he has not picked up…I know he has moved on and I am trying be happy for him, i really am, but am so broken right now….anyways, going to make a list of all of the reasons being left by him was the bes thing that could have happend to me, which sounds childish but maybe can stop me from crying for a few minutes….

  • apricot

    Mar, it’s ok, it’s going to be ok. Of course you are entitled to your feelings, they are your feelings after all. Life has many challenges and this is one of them. One of the many, lol. No matter what, try to be kind to yourself and do kind things like smile at a stranger, they might need it more than we could know. It’s what I’m going to try to do. And by be kind to yourself what I was thinking was make sure you get out everyday and go for a walk (not into traffic! lol), try to make sure you eat some fresh fruit and add some fresh veggies to a salad or a pita. I woke up at two a.m. feeling so overwhelmed and so anxious about not making bills this month. I feel worthless all the time and sometimes I want to end it all but I think that would be an unforgivable thing to do to my children and to my mother and my sister. I don’t feel like a very good mother anymore, I certainly don’t feel valued or respected. I know I’m not a good daughter anymore because I constantly lash out at my mother, I can’t bear to hear her constant advice that I can’t make fit. And my sister’s ideas on what I must do to succeed feel out of reach. Still, I know they love me and they mean well and things won’t always be this hard because nothing stays the same. Just as the good comes and goes, so will the bad and we’re all in this together. I wish you much luck and much love and don’t forget, if you can rise above your sorrow, little by little and find your way back to glowing, ‘living well is the best revenge’ as they say. 🙂

  • “Even today, I can’t say that I have fully gotten over the relationship,
    but there are a few things that have been helpful to me in the process.”

    This is something more people need to understand: “It takes one second to say Hello, but it takes forever to say goodbye.” Some breakups leave impressions on us forever, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Find the positive in it rather than focusing on the negative and “i miss it” feelings.

  • courage100

    You have to let go and move on in order to save yourself.  It’s time for you to look within.  No one deserves to be abused.  That’s not what love is.  Cut him off.  Block his number.  Move on and save yourself.  Go back to the people who love you.  Rekindle your support system in your life.  Seek therapy for YOU.  This man is toxic and you will only find yourself alone if you keep him in your life.  Good luck.

  • Lil_miss_leeann1989

    its been nearly 3 months now since the break up things aint getting better. we were together 7 years. i broke it off. still love him with all my heart. feels like i have lost a whole other half of me and no one will ever fill the missing half.  my head keeps telling me to forget him and just get on with things but my heart wants him back do much he’s my soulmate. but things in our life just wheren’t goin the same way. the 2 of us were going in diffenrent  directions. still dont know wat to do!! we were at the best we had ever been in some ways but in others not so good.

  • izza24

    i am on the same situation. 🙁

  • Sherrilynnkaminsky

    It’s funny but not only are people brought into your life for reasons to see who you are or what your made of but so are words.  People in general go back into relationships that we know are not good for us because we haven’t gained enough information to leave yet.   I am 4 months broken up and although this is hard…he ended up sleeping with a friend of mine who he is currently still in a relationship with.  The lessons I have learned with not only the loves we bring into our lives but the the company we keep as friends in invaluable…

  • christo

    Hello everyone Doctor Messiah is indeed powerful! He was my last hope and after all the spellcasters I tried before, y were my last chance, and you kept your promise! My wife wrote me such a touching letter last week! She wants to live with me and the kids again! I really feel I m living again! Thank you for making all this possible  This messiah contact can help anyone! 

  • Charlie

    Hi, I’m feeling the exact same thing.  We broke up a week ago and she is moving tomorrow out of our place.  You said it so perfect: I feel robbed, and the pain is so much.  The worst thing is that I’m all alone with no family or friends, and despair is setting in.  Trying to keep my head above water.  Thank you for writing this. At least I don’t feel like Im crazy… C

  • Greg R

    After much contemplation and ruminating about the good parts of the relationship, I have finally admitted to myself (I really always knew) that I began an emotional affair which led to a sexual affair while I was married. Even though my marriage was in shambles and divorce was inevitable, I still went down that road. The girlfriend in this for 7 years was just as guilty. We were both in vulnerable positions, since she was in a divorce proceeding. I guess the lesson here is that neither won of us healed from our marriages and just brought in the same baggage. Had we held the line and met a few more years later it migh have been different, but we were afraid to let each other go. Now the pain of the breakup is full blown for me since she broke it off. Oh, she made a decision to date. History repeating for her. I am choosing to make myself healthy here and dating is currently the last thing on my mind. I wouldn’t be fair to me or any knew women who came into my life at this time.

  • MC

    Wow. I love what you wrote about staying in the present. I frequently find myself analyzing the past or imagining the future, if things had worked out. It’s been 4 months and I don’t know why this breakup has been so hard on me. My previous relationship lasted over 7 years (this most recent one 2 1/2) and it was hard but I was ready to move on. I think maybe because I feel I’m still in love with the guy where before I had definitely fallen out of love. But am I in love with him still? Or am I in love with idea of getting married and starting a family? I ignored red flags that he wasn’t the ideal partner, yet when you love a person and know their true potential, one tends to be in denial. Ugh. I just need to realize I can’t change someone, can’t make them do things they don’t want to do, even though they’re fully capable. Even though the breakup was quite mutual…I still feel complete rejection. 🙁

  • TechNerd415

    I am currently going through a very tough heart break. We had gone through so much together, but as time went on and as our lives went different directions we parted ways. It was me that felt it should end. I was fine at first. Having fun, dating, everything. It wasn’t until I decided to open up to a friend that all of these emotions came to light. I had been bottling them in for so long and masking them with alcohol to feel better. All of my past relationships ended and quickly I was in another one. This time, I have decided to dig deep inside me and feel this pain for what it is. It hurts bad, but every day I embrace it and run toward the feelings opposed to running away I feel a little stronger. It’s nice to see others posting their experiences because it makes you realize what I feel is perfectly normal and that I haven’t had a love curse placed on me. ..(jk)  Thank you for your article. I hope we both heal soon.

  • Dee

    We broke up about 2 months ago (for the second or third time) after seven years together.  I initiated the breakup because I wasn’t getting the love or respect I deserved. He isn’t ready to commit, he wants his space and he wants to be happy.  I’ve given him his space to be all that. I know I did the right thing, but it hurts.  I thought I was over it by now, but today I saw him in the street and I wept for what I wanted and what I thought I had.

    I am sad and lonely but I believe it will pass.  I also believe that I have freed myself to be able to be loved by someone who will love me and respect me and value me.  But first I have to love, respect and value myself.  I know I would get over the hurt, neglect, disappointment and other negative feelings.  I’ve read some of the other posts and realised I’m not alone in this and I draw strength and hope from it.  I know I’ve already done something very brave by letting go; by no longer accepting someone’s bad behaviour under the guise of love.  He looks great.  Guess what, I owe it to myself to look great too, to maintain myself, to never let him see me looking the worse for wear.  I am stronger than I think.  This phase, long or short, will pass.

  • Terry

    Charlie I was in the same situation years ago but I was able to keep my head above water. If you don’t have friends, I’ll be one. Add me on yahoo messenger at fsujennyemj and we can talk about our broken hearts if you want to. I have also been robbed of my dream future. My boyfriend and I broke up just 3 days ago. It hurts so bad but I know this feeling is part of everything bigger. Something that we can’t see just yet. We will both feel better eventually. I am offering my friendship because I know how difficult it feels to “feel” alone. Keep breathing. 

  • Charlie Ruiz6

    Hi Terry, I’m not on yahoo but def would be great to keep in touch. Maybe email? Mine is elioccarletti2009@gmail  Be good to keep in touch.. Thanks for your words.. C

  • Christina

    I’m really glad I found this page. Feel as if I’m in the same situation as you have described. I have never ever wanted to end up this weak – “emotional”, “needy”, “too much pressure”‘ etc. Been in a three yr relationship on and off because of these issues… Can’t figure out what it is that I can’t let go off when it’s so clear in my head that we wouldn’t possible last…

  • Joel

    You have done something brave. You’ve also helped me put into words what I’ve been trying to for the last 2 months. I finally got the courage to leave her and ever since then I’ve been so angry with her and myself. Her for how she made me feel and me for letting it happen. I still have a long way to go but I’m letting go little by little and I think I’m nearly at the point where I’ll be able to forgive her. So be strong and believe in yourself, you aren’t alone.

  • mrex


  • Terry

    hi charlie! how have you been? does everything feel better now?:) 

  • meandmybelle

    You have written about my relationship nearly verbatim, with the exception of the long distance aspect. When I met him I was strong, healthy, active, HAPPY. Very quickly I allowed myself to turn into someone I’m not and who I do not want to be. I, like you, can not put my finger on why I continue to grieve this relationship and beg for his attention. He didn’t give it to me when we were IN the relationship, so what makes me think he will give it to me OUT of the relationship? It doesn’t make sense, but I can’t find the disconnect….or maybe I just don’t want to acknowledge the disconnect because I am secure in living in my own misery right now. No more. This is my one life. My only life. I deserve to be happy and I deserve to live that happiness with someone who supports and nurtures it… And you all do, too.

  • grace

    i can relate much. 🙁

  • grace

    this is what i am exactly feeling right now. I think i need some help from you guys… 🙁

  • marie

    I wish the man who hurt me so badly will experience the way I am right now. There is nothing wrong with me. I give him everything. I deeply in love with him but he choose to break my heart!!!!!!!!! omg.

  • marie

    how to hurt back the man who broke my heart so badly??? I want him to suffer also. I want him to be miserable just I am right now??

  • Breaking up from any relationship is one of the hardest things that one can have. However, it is actually a normal part of growing up. One should learn from past mistakes and use these to mold a better future. I do believe that nothing is permanent in this life. We just have to enjoy the good things while they last and brave the bad things that may come our way. Moving on may be difficult but it is one way of saying that you love yourself.

  • Nicholas Heather

    I just ended a 6 year relationship with a woman who couldn’t commit, and ended up dumping me, having a fling with a boy she had in the back burner for years, and then decided she missed me after he left the scene. I got back together with her, and she lied about sleeping with him. After we’d been back together for a month she told me the truth I stayed with her to work things out. Well. It’s been a year and a half and I finally broke up with her. I gave her many chances but in the end, she betrayed me again (not with another man this time) the decision to end it was very difficult, and I’m scared, but I know I did the right thing. And even though I ended it, I’m hugely grieving. I would NEVER consider looking for a new love right now. I know I need to deal with m grief before I consider being with anyone else. And I would not treat anyone the way I was treated.
    Sometimes we break up because its the right thing to do, even if it hurts another. I’m glad I did what I did because I didn’t feel the need to be hurt anymore.

  • Guest

    Honestly, as a male self-conscious about emoting and dealing with his first break up, I just want to let you know how affirming it was for me to read “I should be over her by now.” It’s hasn’t been long enough for this to be real, but it really meant a lot to me that the author normalized this as something for everyone (including, in the case of that specific phrase, queer women).

  • D

    I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. Nothing was really going wrong but our current situation wasn’t good for our relationship. I’ve had mono for the past month and he’s been under stress looking for a job after he finishes school. He doesn’t know what he wants where he will be he’s under pressure to go a certain way in life but can’t decide, and my being sick really didn’t help the situation because I just wasn’t around for him. Though at the same time his school commitments and his stress kept him from being there for me. I feel like I’ve been cheated. If all of this didn’t culminate together then we probably wouldn’t have broken up. I feel like I lost something so great, that was just going through a rough patch and we weren’t in a place to deal with it. I feel so sad, and so mad at myself for the choices I made that brought us to this split and at him for not wanting to work at it. I can’t deal with the fact we are no longer together because I valued his company, I laughed so much with him and had so many first experiences. I feel like there’s an empty spot in my life only he can fill. I find myself thinking about him every second because of a certain song, color, shoe everything reminds me of him. moving on almost seems impossible.

  • i’m going through a Break up right now. At first it was wonderful and we’d hug, laugh, be totally open with one another, but when i was with her after a while, i think we started to annoy each other and something felt missing. so i was the one to break it up, then i felt guilty and went back with her, i did this 3 times in a row, then on the 4th, we never went back. for a while it was fine, just her being there in a friendly manner, then she rented a place and moved out, that was when i started to get worried about her, then she got a new Boyfriend and then it really hit me hard :(. for Days and Days now, i’ve been thinking “that was the DUMBEST decision i have ever done and i want her back”. i’ve talked about it with friends and family and cried for about 4 or 5 nights in a row, yet the thought keeps coming back. i cannot let it go and realize that i may have done the right thing for HER because i came to a revelation. i DO love her but i know…or should know, we’re not meant to be (like that bit in the Corpse Bride where Emily said “I Love you Victor, but you’re not mine”). i wanted to share it because quite frankly, i bet it’s really annoying my Mum hearing me be sad about this and not coming to terms with it being “not meant to be”. i do wish i could turn back time so i never said it even the 1st time, but in truth, i did get annoyed and as of now i am seemingly forgetting and or neglecting the bad patches of the relationship that made us break up anyway.

  • EmJay

    You have absolutely nailed it for me. This is exactly how I feel in my relationship. How to snap out of and be able to distinguish a difference between hope and delusion.. We cannot blame people for who they are, we cannot change them but we can define what we want and who we are. Believing in an unhealthy relationship is only making us doubt in ourselves, making us be what we are not to please them and hoping they will reward us by being “different”. And that never comes..

  • Life is a learning process and one way to deal with a break up is just instead of feeling so depressed and all, look on the positive side of things and learn love’s lesson. I also took a hot/cold shower and THAT really helped. Weird, but worked. Read about it here .

  • DonnaEvans23

    Life is a learning process and one way to deal with a break up is just instead of feeling so depressed and all, look on the positive side of things and learn love’s lesson. I also took a hot/cold shower and THAT really helped. Weird, but worked. Read about it here .

  • Oh my god! Thanks for this wonderful post! I broke up a year relationship with someone, I thougt, was the one. Dreamed to have kids with his eyes, to have a nice family together, to support each other for life. It turns that our age difference emerged (4 years) and he started to be more and more distant, taking unilateral decisions, not incTluding me in his plans…so I decided to let him go. Since then we have been in touch but I herd he’s dating someone. The pain is unbearable. At times Ii feel i cannpt breath…Is gonna get any better soon? I feel I lost my dream….

  • EllaValerie

    hi all. well today i just broke up with the boyfriend. an LDR relationship. everything was good. it was a mature relationship and we understood each other in a place of caring. until this morning i found out he cheated on me back in february and some flirting in march. more than feeling heartbroken, i feel relieved. i feel relieved i found out earlier… and now i’m getting picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting ready to begin a clean new peaceful life for ME. i cut all possible contacts with him. i feel this is the fastest way i can recover and move on. he is begging for me to talk to him. but i will not give him that satisfaction. i said my proper goodbye and that’s all he’s getting. i hope everybody who broke up with someone and left a comment here 2 months or 2 years ago are having a wonderful life now. keep on. we’re this awesome. 🙂

  • ilovedher

    thanks a lot. i just broke up with my gf. i loved her like hell. and she just left me without saying anything, just like the Beatles song “yesterday” and i am damn sad. she promised to be with me forever and yesterday, she just left. she wont answer my calls or reply to my text messages. i loved her dearly for 2 years. i still do. i am heartbroken. but this article was helpful. thanx a lot!

  • Mary

    I would love to move on and learn from my relationship but six months on I still feel unjustly treated angry and bitter. How can I learn from it and move on. The experience was so painful I don’t know what positive points there were. I continue to suffer and it continues to take my time and make me bitter. When will it end

  • Marc

    Forgive him.

  • Marc

    “…you can’t control a relationship.”

    Trying to control your boyfriend, your exes, the past, the future, etc. may be the root of your failed relationships and current suffering.

    In a happy and healthy relationship no one has control. The only control a person might have is on an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship.

    Let go of control.
    It is what it is.
    Accept what it is.
    Forgive him. Forgive yourself.
    Then choose to end the anger and hate.
    After that you will feel much better.

  • Mary

    Thanks for replying Mark, I think these feelings of grief are a process, we have to feel sad, resentful, angry when we lose someone we love. If we block out our true feelings and pretend we only feel forgiveness I think it could come back to bite us. You have to feel your own reality and no one can tell you what you should feel – as it cannot help.

    That’s very nice you have a happy and healthy relationship I had one for 9 years in the past, things come and go and change. You can’t control how long a relationship will last and what will happen everything is in constant change. I know I don’t control anything I am battered or blown about by events and disappointments like everyone in life. It is easy to say, accept, forgive and feel no anger in reality it is incredibly hard to do. These are human emotions and we are all human. When life is very disappointing and your dreams are shattered it can take a very long time to feel okay again – there is no quick fix cure all self help remedy – you have to feel the pain.

    It’s true eventually anger subsides and you forget whether you honestly forgive in terms of feeling it doesn’t matter how someone treated you and you don’t mind I cannot say – I think the truth is you no longer focus or obsess about it but the reality of what occurred is still the reality of what occurred.

  • marava123

    I recently well the ex and I recently broke-up a month ago. Everything was good except a coworker was being very nossy about our lifes. She kept insulting him of him being a liar for saying he would stay virgin till marriage. And I guess he didn’t like it. Then the next day he just said hey people are being rude to me so I think for now we should just be friends untill things cool down. He even said wait a few months and if we want to get back together then it will be good. But for now just be friends. Idk maybe that women ruined it. And yeah I know the rule to never date coworkers but hey my sister met herhusband at her job and the made it to 12 years.

  • Jahesh

    Right now, I am unfortunate enough to be the man you are describing. Though I never punished my love for anything, certainly not loving her, I did betray her trust which was difficult to build in the first place. But she trusted me completely, we had long term plans of marriage and family and travel. We were just short of a year anniversary and had just moved in together. Then her love and light revealed that one spot of darkness on my soul which I had not disclosed due to deep shame and guilt – I was suffering from an addiction. Due to her past, she has not been able to see beyond the problem I was suffering from to see me as the person she loved and cared for so deeply. She now believes our entire relationship was a lie, a fabrication. Despite my immediate admission of having a problem, and seeking help through counseling and church right away, she could not see me for who I truly am – she could only see that one spot of darkness. I am now without a place to live, but am staying strong to make positive changes in my life and reclaim the light in my soul that she knew so well. It hasn’t even been a week yet, but I hope that my strength and new attitude about my addiction will help me be the man she fell in love with. Here’s hoping that with some time, she will see that too, and the deep bond of love and caring that our souls shared, can be reestablished.

  • a

    I’m a girl of 26 who in six weeks time will finish with a 10 year relationship because of moving countries. It sucks and hurts so bad wish it was never going to happen its so painful. I cant stop crying i dont want to talk about my feelings with who i live with and i find myself getting angry alot so i workout alot to relieve the stress and to not think about it but it just hurts so bad and even worse when i think how fast the time is creeping up. Glad i am not alone with this but would not wish this on my worst enemy and its even worse when the people i live with have relationships of their own but know little of whats going on with me. I just want it to be over with the pain i mean but i know its not going to happen yet even worse i cant even bring myself to booking my one way ticket home or face the thought of getting on the plane.

  • simi

    I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months back because of his habit of telling lies, ignorance. I talked about this to him lot of times but he never improved. Finally I asked him to end this. He asked me once to stay and that too very casually. But I refused. First two months I coped up with the break up very nicely because of anger and pain. But since last few days I’m thinking about him, missing him. This feeling is killing me.
    Please help.

  • Alex

    Me and my girlfriend were together for 10 years but we both felt
    stagnant and unsure about the future together. Over the years I had made
    comments about wanting to move away from her as my family lived about 4
    hours away. We never really broke up because we both knew how much we
    both really cared for each other and felt like best friends that had
    great sex. She had started to tell me that she thinks we should take a
    break and at first I resisted this even though I agreed because I was
    fearful since she was my first real girlfriend. Anyway, the last time we
    saw each other (6 weeks ago) we had sex several times in one night and
    then again in the morning. When she left I kinda felt like that was it.
    We didn’t talk all week and then close to the weekend I called her and
    she said “the way you looked at me when I left made me think it was
    over”. She said it was kinda nice not having to talk throughout the week
    with each other but that we would see each other soon. I played it off
    like I agreed and didn’t contact her at all. The last thing she said to
    me was I love you. Three weeks passed and I was starting to feel better
    and then she calls me in the morning. I was on the phone at work and
    didn’t answer but then called her back later that night and she didn’t
    answer. That was 2 weeks ago. So I haven’t even spoken to her in over 5
    weeks and the pain seems to be getting worse. I want to call her so bad
    even though I know this is for the best. I feel like I’m going crazy and
    drinking too much and can’t think straight most of the time. I’ve been
    talking with other girls who are ready to start something with me but I
    kinda flake out because I just don’t feel right. My confidence is
    shot and I just feel weak. I feel like I’ve gone from an Alpha
    Male to a beta male in just a few short weeks. I was drunk last night
    and called her from a private number. Surprisingly she answered right
    away and I hung up. LOL. I am just in a dark place of confusion and
    needed to vent a little as I feel I don’t have anyone to talk to.

  • Jonathan

    I am actually dealing with a
    rejection and to make matters worse I’m being unable to follow the Noble Code
    of No Contact Rule hence the reason being the girl I asked out is
    actually my immediate supervisor and Manager at work.

    I have no possibility of taking her
    number out of my phone?

    We meet each other at work everyday
    in office?

    I removed her from facebook friend
    list but she made me add her back? (Emotional blackmail)

    I wanted some time out so I skipped
    work for a week but I’m not ready to leave my job so will report back this

    Even after the rejection she told me
    that we could remain as friends but last night I told her that I need space for
    myself and said that we should stop convos unless for any professional
    reason.(Think I made a good decision).

    I have also fallen into the hell
    hole via engaging in certain activities First and foremost I started Medicating
    with Cigarettes to resist the urge to stuff down feelings over the rejection.
    Skipped away meals and it turned into a habit. Suffered from a
    sleeping disorder I was severely distressed.

    Hmm atleast I had one good thing I
    was always in the gym hitting those mamoth weights.

    My feelings was never publicized I
    did not or rather did not know whether to cry or not over the rejection because
    it was an outright rejection and she had no feelings for me.

    My friends were all an emotional
    boost during the post rejection period. I had a tough situation to
    overcome with all these social media connections and text messaging on

    But I gave it all a stop, I spoke to
    myself and concentrated on my inner voice which said that I have to get over
    it, yeh that’s what I’m doing now.
    going to church and every week and
    singing in the choir has certainly improved my situation.

    How can I overcome this by making a
    minimal contact with her in office?

  • Tracy

    I contacted priest gbenga at his website( and he was eager to help me right away with my requests. He was very reliable always called and emailed throughout the process. He even gave me extra protection that I will always prosper. Thank you priest gbenga


  • the confused one

    its my 1st time writing in a blog on such stuff..i just broke up my 1st serious relationship of over 4 yrs…it had ups n downs but d more time was passing the more i felt we r not compatible for a number of things which i could never accept of her (like she’s very lazy to do all, very very disorganized, i have to be d one to organise any kind to go out, and more)..of course d worst came when she moved in with me 2 yrs ago nd things went rly bad.. our last 3 months were simple hell to say the least so after both of us thinking and sayin to break up etc, finally I did the step and she voluntarily left d same day.. NOWWW THIS IS MY QUESTION… its been just 2 days yes, and i miss her sooo much,i feel like vomiting, cannot sleep, eat..ok i go out meet friends, flirt with girls and chat, do sports…but still im dieing..d worst thing about this is that i know that if i tell her to come back, she will, and I’m nearly 100% sure that it will be a mistake and things wont change. On the other hand as this is my 1st serious relationship i hope I’m not doin a mistake and maybe exaggerating things :/ YES I’M VERY CONFUSED, HURT, LOST 🙁 tks for reading, any kind of suggestion would help 🙂

  • nope

    its my 1st time writing in a blog on such stuff..i just broke up my 1st serious relationship of over 4 yrs…it had ups n downs but d more time was passing the more i felt we r not compatible for a number of things which i could never accept of her (like she’s very lazy to do all, very very disorganized, i have to be d one to organise any kind to go out, and more)..of course d worst came when she moved in with me 2 yrs ago nd things went rly bad.. our last 3 months were simple hell to say the least so after both of us thinking and sayin to break up etc, finally I did the step and she voluntarily left d same day.. NOWWW THIS IS MY QUESTION… its been just 2 days yes, and i miss her sooo much,i feel like vomiting, cannot sleep, eat..ok i go out meet friends, flirt with girls and chat, do sports…but still im dieing..d worst thing about this is that i know that if i tell her to come back, she will, and I’m nearly 100% sure that it will be a mistake and things wont change. On the other hand as this is my 1st serious relationship i hope I’m not doin a mistake and maybe exaggerating things :/ YES I’M VERY CONFUSED, HURT, LOST 🙁 tks for reading, any kind of suggestion would help 🙂

  • drew_reid

    Just readiing everyone’s response makes me feel better about life it’s self. i’ve known my ex since we were freshman in college she had a boyfriend at the time and we were friends and sophomore yr he cheated and shortly after we starting dating. we’ve dated for two and half yrs and about three months it ended on a bad note. even though we’re trying to work it out i still feel like all hope is lost. for a guy like myself a hard worker going to school working, and playing sports it’s been tough and i still feel sad about but thanks to everyone sharing their experince about the relationships i think there’s better that is yet to come,

  • Anjou

    I got dumped a few hours ago and I feel that way too. I guess it’s something that comes with being the one getting dumped. I knew we were in a rough patch but there was that wistful thinking that we’ll get through it.

    It sucks, being the one asking for more time and having the other person reject that second chance. It sucks knowing that she actually left you for another man.

    The hardest part was all the good times you’ve spent together. She helped me through a terrible addiction, and she stayed with me when I was struggling through college. I’m trying really hard to push past the resentment and say goodbye without bitterness. It’s not easy.

    For everyone else reading this and in the same place that I am, don’t blame your ex. Thank them for the time together. You’ll get through this. And I will too.

  • Jackie Chan

    Yeaaah, you left the reasons for the break up out.

    Mutual can mean a variety of things.

    Don’t trust this at all……

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  • Blaze

    I am testifying on how Dr upesa help me to bring back my ex-husband who left me 2 months ago i got his email on the internet on an article how he had help so many people,so i emailed the Dr and tell my problems to him and after that day he gave me assurance of 4days,to my greatest surprise my husband came back to me in third day of contacting him,i want to say a very big thank you to for all his help..

  • crae

    i know this was a year ago but i am wondering how you are doing?

  • Meera

    I met Robert 8 years back. something clicked. but then he was so into other girls i moved on. i had a 2 years relationship with another guy, Alex. After alex n i broke up Robert contacted me. We went out for a day. It was greatest. But then again Robert was into other gals and i moved on. I ignored his calls for 5 years till recently we met by accident. Then we started dating. But his phone states that he is still into many other gals who like me think he is serious about him. most of the time he ignores my calls and doesnt even reply to my texts ever. Now i’ve decided to come out of this mess and forget him. but i find myself crying over him everyday…..why is this so? what do i do? what is wrong with me?

  • monica

    I dated a guy for about 5 months, I totally feel happy whenever i am with him. We got along great never fought but one night, i had much drink on me and then got a little jealous and then embarrassed him in front of his female friends, Because of that he broke up with me right there. For the first week i tried to do everything in my power to get him back but all were in veil. Till a friend introduce me to this great man called Dr.Sango of I was surprise when Dr.Sango told me that my lover will come back to me within 3 days. But the good news is that my lover is really back to me now all thanks so much Contact Dr.Sango on

  • Austin

    My girlfriend broke up with me last night and I do not know how to get past it. I know it is soon, but it does not feel right. We have such a great relationship. We never fight, we talk a lot and like all the same things. But I have an emotional issue… I lost my children in 04, and it hurts me I try and embrace the pain and stay in the now, but occasionally it comes out, in a big way. Well, this thanksgiving I went out to drink, alone… GF was at her grandpas and I just wanted to stay home this year. I ended up getting drunk, someone at the bar tried to knife me so I came home and started thinking of all the things I had no control over and the kids popped up. I spiraled down after that, emotionally stricken I destroyed a couch we have been meaning to dump. she was home and I told her I just needed to break something to let this energy go. I guess that night she realized she did not want me anymore… After 2 years I am heart broken, we have shared such a big love and I am so lost.

  • Honestly The Truth

    It is very hard for many of us men trying to find love and happiness again, especially after a divorce.

  • rebecca12

    DR OBOSIANZEN HELP ME GET MY EX BACK Thanks God i met Dr OBOSIANZEN to be my savior in my relationship Problem I was reading about an article in net stated that Dr OBOSIANZEN helping people improving marriage life and get there ex back so i request DR OBOSIANZEN to help me solve my problem because Actually i had break up with my boyfriend it has been 3 month due to someone we had misunderstanding with him but still i tried to contact him but he did not revert and neither responding back. i love him alot and he also our relationship was more than 2 years but all of a sudden why he is reacting like this i could not understand until Dr obosianze help me bring him back to me between 48hrs and things change better in my life , thanks to Dr obosianzen , warm regards, Rebecca from United Kingdom

  • AW

    Well it is certainly tough after a break up to move on.

  • Crazzy

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  • ra

    hi everyone ,I had a very bad break boyfriend of 6 years just dumped me just like dat ,he didn’t even give me a chance to talk. I feel awful

  • Kaykei

    Your story is exactly like mine. When I met him I was my own person. As soon as we got involved I became insecure, needy, clingy and weak. The relationship was so very unhealthy with him not wanting to really commit to a relationship, wanting his freedom, going out all the time, allowing girls to come between us on 2 different occasions and on and on and on. I broke it off with him 2 months ago because I couldn’t take being with someone who “loved me but wasn’t IN love with me”. But now I’m in so much pain and regretting my decision. I I just want him back. I miss so many things and they seem to make me forget the insecurity, pain, embarrassment and anger he caused me. I’m trying. I’ve scheduled time with a counselor. I’m trying to take care of me but all I do is drink away they hurt. I hope one day to move past this and learn to love myself without him again.

  • Frazer Kirkman

    After looking for songs to heal a broken heart, I found so many that just made me feel worse about it, or indecisive or attached to a relationship that hurts. This playlist is to keep me and you inspired and strong.

  • disqus_DUFaiW5utc

    I am still figuring out if we should break up or not because we constantly fight about the same thing (i want more affection and for him to show he cares because he admits to caring less.) i recently asked him if he knew if he was with me and he said he didn’t know why. i honestly thought it was the saddest thing i had ever heard. i asked if he wanted to end our relationship and why he wasn’t willing to try to work it out, he said he just didn’t want to. that was the second saddest thing that i had heard. i feel as if i am not worth trying for. We have not broken up yet but i am searching up how to deal because it hurts right now as it is. i don’t want to lose him and i always say i don’t understand but i now know that i do indeed understand, i just don’t want to believe that we won’t be together. i guess i feel led on. It’s like we’ve put so much effort into this relationship and then he just quit and doesn’t want to put time or effort anymore. i just don’t know how to feel or what to do..

  • Raj

    Tnx terry, m also going thru same , it was nice reading your lines,

  • peachy

    I’ve been with this guy for over a year now…first bf…first kiss…first everything…and suddenly he stops talking to me after a petty issue…but for some reason it seems to be right after I lose my virginity to him…Could he have fooled me to believe that he was in love with me just as I was crazy for him? Was my virginity all he was ever interested in? I did everything I could to keep him happy…from making meals to listening to his daily problems from stress at work and home…I did those things for him because I loved him and still do….it just hurts me to think that he could possibly have faked it all or lost interest right after sex…I thought it meant something more to him…I guess not…at the end of the day guys will just be guys and they will continue to “conquest” girls like me…the inexperienced girls who fall for their BS and believe every lie they throw at us. I regret ever having met him…it’s left me feeling nothing but emptiness inside and I don’t know how to make this go away…from what I read, I basically have to let this phase pass, learning from the mistake…for any girl reading this out there who is going through the same, HELP! And for the girls who managed to breakup without losing their virginity to the worthless ex-bf, consider yourself extremely lucky…trust me this feeling sucks more than anything I have ever felt…

  • Say goodbye to him

    Ditto Gkasejg. I thought I could not live without the abusive, gaslighting male demon I was attached to. His withholding, his silences, his punishing. Then one day, I realized I can find a better partner who looks like him or better, who will give the kind of love I deserve and want, and accept my love in return. When I made that realization, and then looked across at this demon, I realized

    (a) I was settling by allowing him to stay in my life, and
    (b) He was sitting in my future man’s space.

    Blocking him. Delaying his arrival in my life. So demon had to go. I broke up with him, blocked him, and am looking for that better man. Guess who’s sad now? Demon is beside himself and torn to pieces. Serves him right. Do the same. It will happen to you. MOVE ON.

  • Say goodbye to him

    Basically, girl, if you’re questioning whether to stay or leave, that means leave.

    Dump him, move on, and you create the space for the better man who is coming. Nature abhors a vacuum. Empty the space (dump him) and nature will quickly fill it. Just have your eyes wide open and check the next guy out thoroughly this time. I wish you hugs, light, laughter and love.

    I Dumped Him Last Night 🙂

  • Logic Bound

    Trust me, whatever she did (probably “cheating”) is just the same kind of thing men do to women all the time – except men have a double standard and tell themselves while it is ok for men to do whatever it is, how DARE a woman ever do it, if she does she’s a slut/slore/sloot/garbage/et cetera. What it comes down to is men are aware they hold most of the power and are scared s–tless women will realize having a vagina is the ultimate power, and take our power back. When women behave as emotionlessly and logically as men do, men become VERY, VERY AFRAID.

    It’s irrelevant what Lori did and none of your business. Bottom line you’ve done it to other women and felt you were scoring and Da Man when you did it. Move on, take what you can from this article and improve your life.

  • Logic Bound

    Keep your eyes forward and focus on happy times ahead. A better man with (a) less baggage and drama and (b) a bigger penis is coming. You’ll never see or notice him if you keep looking back at the sad sack beta nobody you just (fortunately) rid yourself of. Trust me: he’s out scoring skanks and “working out at the gym, brah!” and hasn’t wasted a thought on you.

    Make this a contest. Who’s stronger: men or you

    Look forward, forget his name and his number, spruce yourself up, get some blonde highlights, lose about 10-15 pounds and then girl WATCH WHAT HAPPENS 🙂

    NEVER look back

  • Logic Bound

    No, actually don’t. Forgive all people who have hurt you, and do it in your own time, when your heart is ready. Don’t make a special “ceremony” out of “forgiving him”. He’s not special or important and isn’t relevant. See him as a number, a cipher, a face in the crowd.

    Forgive him on your wedding day 🙂

  • Logic Bound

    “Though at the same time his school commitments and his stress kept him from being there for me.”

    False. His lack of compassion and integrity and his self-focus and narcissism kept him from being there for you.

    Kick this loser out of your heart and mind and make being there for you the sine qua non for all men to meet in your future relationships. He fails you one time, get rid of him that second, right then and there. The Women’s PUA Movement is starting… join the revolution

  • Gine Doncan

    I stumbled on this email address few days ago, so i emailed him about my bad relationship condition, how my lover left me, how he was with another girl, so Dr Lawrence told me it would take 3 days to get my boyfriend back, i waited for 3 days, and wow!!!!!!!!!, unbelievable my boyfriend came to my house asking me if we could try things out again. He broke up with the other girl and we rekindled and got back together, he now show me care and attention. Dr Lawrence was my last hope and i thank GOD for using him to help me

  • Sandra Ruths

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is sandra ruths am from American. my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old. about two years ago, A friend of mine kido matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr osauyi that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend is going to call me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr osauyi for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address or you can call the great man on +2348100515075

  • Sandra Ruths

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is sandra ruths am from American. my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old. about two years ago, A friend of mine kido matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr osauyi that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend is going to call me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr osauyi for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address or you can call the great man on +2348100515075.

  • Sandra Ruths

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is sandra ruths am from American. my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old. about two years ago, A friend of mine kido matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr osauyi that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend is going to call me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr osauyi for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address or you can call the great man on +2348100515075..

  • Sandra Ruths

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is sandra ruths am from American. my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old. about two years ago, A friend of mine kido matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr osauyi that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend is going to call me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr osauyi for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address or you can call the great man on +2348100515075,.

  • Sandra Ruths

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is sandra ruths am from American. my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old. about two years ago, A friend of mine kido matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr osauyi that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend is going to call me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr osauyi for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address or you can call the great man on +2348100515075./.,

  • yaz

    This gave me sense of hope with dealing what i have been dealing with. I was with my bf for 5 years. When we first started dating he was my best friend, i could talk to him about evrrything. Well i broke up with him a week ago because i told him i wasnt happy and he took offense to it but i told him because i wanted to make it work because i pove with him. He was my everything, i was alwats there for him through all his bs. Well a couple days ago we had sex due to miscommunication i thought we were going to get back together but he says he is tired of the back and forth and he wants to be friends but who in the hell wants to be friends with their ex. I feel so empty. I feel like apart of me just died. I cry everyday all day amd reflect on what i did wrong because i love him so much. He was supposed to be my future. I thought it could work like it always had but i think he is now at his breaking point but idk if its me being selfish or what but i feel like he is making a big mistake. He says he loves me to death and he loved me so much but how can u love somebody so much and not be with them. No it wasnt perfect, but it was us now i have to find myself, but i dnt want to start over with someone new…

  • Miranda Linkous

    Staying present is my biggest challenge. I could be a novelist with all the past and future scenarios I have played out with my exes. Thank you for this reminder!

  • gia

    The most painful thing once the break up has started is the concern as to how the other person can take it so easily and enjoy and move on.. but the part to understand is that if the person is not affected the relation doesnt meant much to him, so its better to move on. life is like ups and downs. People come and leave, but the one who stays till the end deserves to be in your life..

    if a person wants to stay he will make way, but a relation which dont matter to the other person he wont bother to fix it! in life everyone deserves the one who can care for the person, theres no use running after a person who dont want you instead look for a one who wants you as he is the one who deserves you.

    Enjoy life and love yourself you are precious.

    you have your family or other friends who need you, go shopping, dine out, give presents to others, give time to your family and loved ones and your pain will heal..

    Time is the healer.. n you have to accept, the one who is for you is for you, the one who is not for you was never yours!!

    Be practical, MOVE ON!!

  • Dee

    Wow 3 yrs ago ur pain was deep my sister and here I sit 3 days after the love of my life broke up with me but for some reason just knowing 3 yrs has passed you by and who knows whats happened to u these past 3 yrs I hope you are happy and if you are not yet romantic= happy I hope you’re heart is full of love for yourself your letter touched me I wanted to hold and hug you until u felt a mothers livelong and acceptance now why I feel this way I’m not sure but it took my pain away because I wanted you to be in a happy love filled space.You may never read this but call it the divine call I swear reading you’re heart soul peircing words I felt every stab you wrote funny but Ive never been overly sensitive as I was wow May you’re dreams be heartfelt and all urs xo

  • anon

    Hello everybody, I am a little bit late in this discussion but I just need to rant. He just broke up with me an hour ago. Reason being that I am unbearable and that we always fight. I just dried my tears and put the cigarettes away. I am angry. What right does he have to break my heart. This world is just so evil. He has hit me and somehow i still stuck to him. I dont know why i kept thinking that its gonna get better. He did not hit me this time but the reason he gave me is that his family is his priority and that I cannot be asking him for his affection, and that we always argue. I am really tired of getting blamed. I just wished for a normal relationship. Why is it so hard to find. Sad that after all this time I am again thrown aside.

  • Meredith

    You are not alone. It’s been two weeks for me, and I think the hardest thing to accept is exactly what you said: “The bottom line is he doesn’t want me or none of the reasons would matter.” I can only imagine that it takes time (who knows how much?) to accept that and let the hurt surrounding that heal.

  • Olga

    Hi.. my BF were together for 2 years, upon my return from saying my finaly goodbyes to my dying uncle, my bf broke up with me,” i love you but I’m not in love with you”.. we maintained a decent friendship, he worked downstairs so we would still talk.He was fired from his job, and sent me an email 2 days later that we need to cut our umbilical cord. all i ever wanted was to love him and be loved. now i cry. i know in time my pain will go away, but right now my heart is sad and broken.

  • mimi

    loved reading this. Im having trouble with something in my life at the moment, me and my ex have broken up for good, he has some deep internal issues, just a lot of emotions he doesn’t know how to deal with so his pain bleed onto me because i too was in a lot of pain because he wasn’t happy with his life. the night of the breakup i went over to have a civil talk and just talk things out but he was so angry for i dont know what reason because i’ve only been there for him. He said some very hurtful things and looked like someone i didn’t know, his anger got the best of him. Fast forward two weeks later, he writes to me saying he realized he isnt a good person and that he needs to start over in his life. That i deserve better. and to not let him back into my life because he knows hes damaged and will only cause me pain. I havent written back, but i have such a kind heart and i’ve let go of everything bad hes done to me, im not suffering, i just wish i could contact him to be there for him and give him advice. Friends and family say not to contact him because hes just a negative person and doesnt deserve my time. im a little confused to what to do.

  • Wu

    Prayer for Hope 🙂

    Jude, glorious apostle, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the
    person (who betrayed our Lord) has caused you to be forgotten by many, but the
    true Church invokes you universally as the Patron of things despaired of. Pray
    for me, who is so miserable; pray for me, that I may finally receive the
    consolations and the succor of Heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and
    sufferings, particularly (ADD YOUR PERSONAL REQUEST HERE), and that I may bless
    God with the Elect Throughout Eternity.”

  • Prithvi Rathod

    Hi . I just broke up & i really wanna become what i was before. Now im totally turned into a walking dead body.I loved her with all i had. I saved Money so i could gift her of anniversary. But she just called it off.Please Help Me. I feel like i should commit suicide

  • AK

    I was with him for 8 months, and it was 8 months of the deepest love I’ve ever felt. We are in different universities so only saw him once a week, but I saw him last Friday and it was wonderful; I had no idea it would be the last time I’d kiss him, hug him, hold his hand. Turns out that he has been so stressed by our relationship that he decided it wasn’t worth the insecurities he was feeling, and broke up with me yesterday…the hardest thing is NOT having seen it coming, he never hinted that he was struggling. I had so many things I wanted to do and experience with him, I feel like we barely got any time. All of my future plans had him in them. And to talk to someone every single day for 8 months, and then all of a sudden silence – it’s so hard. To know so much about a person and be so in love with them one day only to be strangers the next. But I take comfort that I’m not alone. Stay strong everyone <3

  • help please

    idk what to do. ive been with the same guy for about 2 years now. he was my first serious boyfriend, and i was his first serious girlfriend. ive been thinking about breaking up with him, but at the same time, the thought of it makes me nauseated and want to cry. im stuck between 2 worlds. im not sure if i can bear to abandon the memories we had and all the fun we spent together, even though now all we do is watch netflix and eat popcorn. theres no more sex, hardly any kissing, and he TOLD me that even after 2 years he wasnt emotionally attached or invested in me, and it really hurt me, yet when i offer him “a way out” of the relaitonship, he doesnt seem interested. i dont know what to do. hes leaving for the military this coming summer, and im not sure if i can just sit at home and do nothing while hes away. i dont want to seem like a crappy person, but im just not sure about anything anymore.

  • adverguy

    I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, we dated casually for over a year and I eventually found out he had been lying to me about sleeping with or dating other people. We didn’t speak for 5 months and then reconnected and he asked me to be his boyfriend. I was over the moon. I had been with my boyfriend for over a year (like really together now) and moved in with him March of this year. 6 months later and we couldn’t stop fighting, I don’t think I ever got over the trust issues from when I had first met him. I decided to move out and we decided to keep trying to work on “us”. Less than 2 weeks after I moved he broke up with me. We got back together and broke up several times over the past few months. Finally we said enough was enough, or so I thought and we started spending time together again. But he reminded me of the man he was 3 years ago and I was so anxious. Finally in a drunken state we had a huge text war last night to which he said that I said it right, we tried too many times, time to cut our losses. The truth is.. I don’t feel like he had been trying in a very long time, and trying on my own to keep this relationship going has drained me completely. I am a mess and I know just how much I am going to miss him. I don’t know what to do…

  • Positive Changes

    My partner and I very recently broke up. So my heart goes out to all of you in the same situation. I feel your pain. I thought we were in a fantastic relationship, Passionate, fun, exciting, honest and real. It was such a shock. I’m still cut deep by it, but I’m finding the best medicine for a break up is positivety and surrounding yourself with a strong circle of friends. I realize that I need to fill my life with positive changes that will lead to happiness and fulfillment for myself by myself. How can you be truly happy in a relationship if you are not truly happy in yourself? I think this is majorly where things start to go wrong in relationships, We start to depend too highly on our partners for our happiness….like a toxic crutch that will crumble in the end. Join me in changing our negative experiences into a positive ones that will change our lives for the better, Otherwise that love you felt for your partner was wasted. For me that’s the key to dealing with a break up.

  • healmyheart

    My partner ended it the day before NYE just gone. I suffer from anxiety and depression so finding it hard to cope. This article has helped though because I can relate to it. I have been going through mixed emotions; crying, being angry, resentful, even accepting that it was the end at one point. I haven’t been able to sleep properly or even eat as Ive lost my appetite.I feel sick because he hasn’t reached out to me, which I was hoping he would. I hoped he’d realise he made a mistake , etc and ask to get back together (foolish of me to think). I think I’m finding it hard to accept because everything was going good and we shared laughter, communicated, talked about deep things and enjoyed each others company. His reason was that he knows Im ready to settle down but he is not ready yet, so he wanted to end it before it got too serious and didn’t want to hurt me. But I feel so broken, so lost, so confused, so bad about myself. Thinking maybe I could’ve done or said things differently. It hurts my heart so bad because I feel like I lost a friend as well as a lover, so a part of me has gone.

  • Loven shove

    Its very difficult to deal with breakup,a person have to be strong to go through these situation…

  • roxana

    Hi, I’ve been having a hard time with a break up. A really hard time. I know I’m not the only one. But i hate how i put myself through this. I’m 19. My bf is 20 turning 21 . He recently broke up with me 3 weeks ago but i cant stop calling him. I make myself look desperate. I cant sleep , i cant eat , i feel sick, i cant stop. Everything i do ,i cant stop thinking him. Yesterday i found out he had an instagram and he denied my request twice and ignored me. I know its not my business anymore but this whole time he has been telling me he loves me. How can a person do that and then show they dont care about you afterwards? Ive been with him almost 3 years. How can you forget someone like that? He broke up with me because we’ve been arguing for a couple of months. But now i feel he left me for someone. That he is never going to tell me the truth . He doesnt want to see me or talk to me no more cause i found out. He gives me no explanation. And talks to me like im no one. He’s happy and im not. And its the worst feeling. He use to be this amazing guy and now he has been treating me really bad. I know its dumb of me but i cant stop. It hurts a lot and i feel like im never going to get over it and move on . He already gave me closure and that didnt help at all.

  • md

    Its been 7 days since the love of my life told me i never made time for him and its over. I told me he didnt want me anymore and that he was happier without me. We got in a small spat last week when he asked if i loved him and i didnt respondyes, rather i told him how much i had to do. I was working on taxes and other things. He is sensitive and processed it so darkly he won’t see me or respond. I am in dispair. I texted like 15 times telling him im sorry and i love him so much. He doesn’t care. Something switched off. I can’t go back and i want to so badly. I feel physically ill and in a haze. I feel robbed too, of a beautiful life i was planning for us. You are not alone in your grief, i cry next to you…

  • michaela

    Right now me and my boyfriend are on a break because he’s graduating from College in a matter of weeks, and the stress has been too much. He recently told me he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together because he doesn’t feel the same.. Everyone around me thinks it’s the stress that’s making him feel this way, but I don’t know.. We’ve been together for 3 years. How can someone all of a sudden not want to be together… He says he loves me more than anything and WANTS us to work out, but he doesn’t know how to get the feelings back.. )’: I’ve never felt so hurt in my life..

  • kyle

    I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I just broke up with my girlfriend a few days ago and it hurts so bad. And there was no closure and reason, all though I think she met someone else. If you need someone to talk too. I would like to help. I know I could use someone to talk too.

  • Kyle

    I’m sorry roxana, I feel the same way. I don’t want to call my ex because what’s the point. She’s with someone else now and I feel horrible. I just wanted to comment to let you know, you’re not alone.

  • md

    Thanks Kyle, certainly it would be nice to have/ provide support. I stopped trying to make contact with my love because of the lack of reciprocation and my attempts made me feel pathetic and demoralized. I’m at Hope you are hanging in there. I’m still breathing, still meditating. Right now im angry now, and this is a tough phase for me. Have trouble sleeping…

  • Aidin

    Hey there. I relate to your comment, I have been 3 weeks into the break up and it even got worse, day and night dreaming, flashbacks and every single thing remotely reminds me of her acts like trigger. I Know realize that my whole happiness and future was dependent on existence of this person. the person that after a while , after finding a grip in her life just lost her interest in me. I am trying to cope with the pain and forcing myself to avoid any contact. I hope for healing of everyone’s broken heart

  • Blair Liu

    Thank you for your sharing,dear friend. I have left my ex for about 3 months,but I still cannot go out.I just repeat those terrible feelings everyday, ‘I feel I’m over him’ ‘ohh,why did he leave me?”what’s wrong with us?’ we’ve been together for more than 5 years.I know this 5 years are painful,but I still cannot let it go. I cannot work, don’t want to talk with others. I am so disappointed with myself.I was once an optimistic girl,loving life,happy everyday. But now, I am very depressed. I wish I could go out of it soon. But I still want to be with him. All my fiends and family try to persue me.I begged him to come back once, and now I feel so ashamed of myself….and he is ok, he is not sad, and could keep normal life. I know that he just didn’t care about me or even not loved me, I feel cheated.But how could I do. I must accept all these.I wish every couple in love could love each other all their lives.

  • Onofe Auguster

    Today being the most happiest day of my life after 1 year of sadness and sorrow without being with the one i love so much, i tried all my possible best to make sure i make my lover happy but it never seems to work out well it was like am doing everything in vain but all thanks to Dr onofe for coming to change all my worries and sadness to Joy. i knew the great man when i read some wonderful reviews about Dr Onofe how he has helped a lots of people on there relationship problem i was reading a magazine which then i saw great testimonies as well which then i decided not to waste time because i have missed my lover so much i decided to contact him and share all my problem with him which then he told me not to worry that he assures me that within 48 hours everything would be sorted out i believed Dr Onofe so much because i believe he can’t fail me but truly Dr Onofe never failed me cos a man that stand on his worlds is really a man,my husband who left me for a year plus replied my text and for the first time returned my calls and asked me to please forgive him i was so happy and so grateful to Dr Onofe for what he has done for me. if you are there passing through this same problem or of any kinds just contact this great man on or call him on +2348100078330.

  • Onofe Auguster

    Today being the most happiest day of my life after 1 year of sadness and sorrow without being with the one i love so much, i tried all my possible best to make sure i make my lover happy but it never seems to work out well it was like am doing everything in vain but all thanks to Dr onofe for coming to change all my worries and sadness to Joy. i knew the great man when i read some wonderful reviews about Dr Onofe how he has helped a lots of people on there relationship problem i was reading a magazine which then i saw great testimonies as well which then i decided not to waste time because i have missed my lover so much i decided to contact him and share all my problem with him which then he told me not to worry that he assures me that within 48 hours everything would be sorted out i believed Dr Onofe so much because i believe he can’t fail me but truly Dr Onofe never failed me cos a man that stand on his worlds is really a man,my husband who left me for a year plus replied my text and for the first time returned my calls and asked me to please forgive him i was so happy and so grateful to Dr Onofe for what he has done for me. if you are there passing through this same problem or of any kinds just contact this great man on or call him on +2348100078330.

  • sais

    I’m so sorry for the pain you’re all going through. I’ve just broken up with my partner/fiancee of 6 years nearly 2 months ago and I found out he had a child behind my back. And no one told me and let me carry on. With him I just want it to all get better i’m here for anyone who wants me to be my email is Xx

  • Leslie

    So I was with this guy for almost a year. He was married but going through a divorce, but never actually went through with it. He started distancing himself from me, so I did the same and was just going to wait until the divorce was final to deal with him any more. Now he tells me and shows me the papers of a divorce but says he is in love with a new woman. He claimed that I was his EVERYTHING and we were inseparable. He said he really loves me and still does but now he has this other woman. Why was I not good enough for him to make that divorce final? Im not sure what she looks like, but I feel as though I am very attractive. Im just a little heart broken at this point. Did he ever even love me? How do I get past this? Will the hurt ever stop?

  • Leslie

    Did she ever try to contact you to get back with you? How are you feeling about the break up now? Is it the healing process hard?

  • Kilter

    Thank you for this article. I know it’s a few years old, but it’s high on Google’s “how to deal with a breakup” list for a reason! My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a few hours ago and I am at a total loss as to what to do with myself. Reading this helped. Also reading the comments helped too. It helps to know I’m not alone.

    I feel like a total failure. I feel like I let my insecurities poison our relationship. I feel like a crazy person “why did I? how could I? what was I thinking??” I have not always been like this in relationships, but I feel like I spent the whole past 3 years chasing him and trying to convince him to love me more (?!? craziness) and then flipping out when he wasn’t emotionally available. What a mess. Going down the “but what if…” wormhole makes no sense.. it just was what it was, we were who we were, we tried, it didn’t work out. I am having a hard time accepting that. I need to calm down and not blame myself… “if I hadn’t overreacted that one time”. Ugh. Anyway. Reading this helped. Thanks for that.

  • Anonymous user

    I am a person who broke up with his girlfriend 3 months ago. You could say I am crazy for how long it has been and I’d agree but I know there is a cure. To me it was wonderful, I don’t think I would ever like someone as much, I think that’s why it hurts so much still. And I need this to stop I hate this feeling of whatever it is. Especially because I know she is over me. I have no idea what to do. Some days I’m over her. Other days, which are most, I make scenarios of what could’ve been and what,why it, went wrong. I’m just scared now to love again, and I am not the same anymore. If anyone has some advice please you’ll be heard. Depression hurts

  • Dominick

    I just wanted to say that that was a great article . Very insightful

  • Frank Howard

    I don’t know if there is anybody out there but I needed to discuss my situation with somebody. Everyone is busy in their lives and I don’t know how to handle my situation.
    Many years ago, almost 20 years ago, I was in love and we broke up. That is i got dumped by the person I loved the most. I did not except the fact that we were separated and today 20 years later I cannot come to terms with it. When we broke up I had tried to call her and also wrote letters to her to find out why and what happened. Till today I have no idea what happened. She probably blamed me but don’t know. She got married after five years of our breakup and I got married when I saw her with her husband. I always wished she would call and talk to me at least. Now she has four children and I have three. I have been trying to get my family in order but i cannot as i think about her too much. she was the love of my life and I cannot get over it. Memories have flooded my brain and it is really hurting. The pain is so hard to handle. I know I should have handled it back when it actually happened but I did not and now when there are too many people involved I have to deal with it.
    Why is she still in my heart. I feel like life is no good without her being in my life. Why is god testing me now after so many years.
    I cannot tell my wife how i am feeling as this would destroy her and I don’t want to leave a wonderful family life. But again if I continue to feel this way I will lose everything.

    I need to fix this right away. If anybody can provide insight. I never got the closure I wanted or needed and now I have to deal with it. She may or may not have gone through the pain as she left.
    I hate this.
    Anyone on this topic. I don’t think anybody is in this situation but any help is needed as I don’t know what to do with myself.
    Greatly appreciated with any help. i have tried counselling, torn up pretend letters, have done everything I can think of, swore at her for making me like this, tryign to think of her as being ugly, nothing is working
    Please help

  • okay, so it’s been 2 years since the breakup and he was my only “real” relationship.. i still think about him to this day! why? i always find myself thinking about the future with him and the past and i’m just stuck in this continuous loop that i can’t seem to get out of. any advice on how to create change from this?

  • Peter

    Break ups are hard! Don’t worry about your insecurities or behavior; we all have them and we all behave in ways we might feel embarrassed about later. It doesn’t really make a difference, except that it might prolong your suffering. But sometimes we want this, I think. We want to indulge our pain for a while.
    Two years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years and we were BOTH devastated. He moved on more quickly than me, and is now moving in with his current partner.
    But even though it’s taken me longer to get over it, at no point did I feel I’d made the wrong decision. I loved him, but the relationship just wasn’t working for me. What I learned is that two people can love one another but still not fit in a relationship. But it’s different for everyone. You will learn things from this relationship too, and time will afford you the perspective you’re deeply craving.
    My behavior after this break up was extreme. I had very poor sleeping patterns and lost a lot of weight. I was calling my ex to tell him I was lonely and suicidal, but he was busy with his new boyfriend. I ended up on anti-depressants and saw a therapist, and this helped.
    And here I am, more than two years later, and for the first time since him, I finally committed to someone else, and that has already ended after two months. And it’s been a completely different experience. He ended it, not me. We both liked one another, but he didn’t feel he was ready to be in a relationship. It’s upset me a great deal and I feel numb… This is called anhedonia (loss of interest in things we usually find enjoyable).
    That said, I never thought I would get to this point; committing to someone new. I miss him terribly and it was so short lived. But it gives me a bit of hope, in light of the longer relationship.
    A lot has changed in my life in the last two years. I’ve moved cities and I’ve regained my independence and confidence. Right now I’m wounded and antisocial, but I remember my last break up and realise I’ll be okay.

  • Sathya Dictionary

    Hi, My girl broke up our love with me before 2 months, after we loved two years. One day I had drunk lightly. Already she told me that do not touch the alcohol. After that, She told suddenly I don’t want you, I hate you like that. then I can not live for you’ She added. We have 10 years age difference. I am 30 years old and she is at 20. I simply forced her to prepare for some valuable exams to get good job. But initially she told for everything ‘OK’ later, she refused all the things after one year. Then i forget those exams. Initially she told I never go away without you. Also she compelled me lot of time, don not leave me alone in future at any situation. But now she has broken my heart, Really I am feeling pain a lot. I could not forget things and instants what happened in our relationship. We spend more time in movies and restaurants. How can I manage my pain? Please tell me. After she shouted me one day after that she blocked my number and public related websites. I could not forget anything. Day by day my pain is increasing, Always i am thinking on it, and thinking about that how to get her back. Please tell me what I want to do????

    Actually I am feeling to get her back. I am thinking that I could not live with out her. And I won’t find like her in future.

    Please leave me reply to get over with it.

  • Mary Bradshaw

    You’ve put into words exactly how I’ve been feeling since we broke up. Thank you! I miss him terribly and I’m disappointed that the person who is my perfect match cannot give me more than his friendship. Despite the fact that we broke up a few months ago, my feelings are not fading away. Such a hard experience.

  • Bran

    I had 4 years of relationship with my girlfriend, even tho we were a engaged. We had a lots of issues, she make me change. Two months ago from now ,I kinda broke up with her, I did so I can give me some time to reflect, and change back because I was getting worse. I didn’t call her in 2 months, I changed , I felt better and I looked for her, but it was too late, she got back with her ex a week before we got in contact again. She is selling the house and moving out.of state where his at. She don’t even love him or anything, she dumped him for me, I remember she were crying because she didn’t want to go home and see him, she didn’t want him to touch her because she didn’t feel anything. But now she told me that he is good man, and she doesn’t want to fall in love again and get hurt, she don’t trust in man. I til her she is really confuse and she is making a mistake moving and siting the ex because she wants to forget me . I just don’t know. Everything is hard for me now, is been a week , one of the hardest week ever, I don’t go anymore to my gym, I’m not eating, not sleeping. Everything is downhill.

  • Gael

    Dealing with one right now, It Happend just yesterday.. Met her on then Internet, we started dating and one day I got on skype and she showed me what she looked like, Love at first sight. It was the same when she saw me for her. Seemed perfect, She just lived so far away and Skype was all we had and one day she said she couldn’t date a guy who was all across the country. Tried to seem cool about it but I just can’t. This really helped thanks.

  • Alex

    This is similar to what I’m experiencing right now. My boyfriend broke up with me last night, saying that he loves me but wants to be on his own. He also said that he didn’t feel the way he used to about me, and that he wasn’t IN love with me.
    I’m really sorry that you’re going through this, it sucks. I see that you posted this a few months ago, and I’m curious how everything turned out.

  • Nazmeen Kauser

    Hello I just wanted to know how you are keeping? My partner of 7 years finished with me about a week ago. It’s very painful experience to deal with. I’m guessing his ex girlfriend is back in his life again.
    My heart goes out to all of those who have suffered a break up. Time will heal the pain, just be strong.
    Pls do email me if you wish at

  • sais

    Hi Nazmeen,
    How are you keeping? I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. But this is no cliche as truly you’ll never feel so free. I have honestly found my strength I thought my life was over but honestly I’ve never been happier. I’ve realised my self worth is so much more than someone who will treat me that way. And you’ll realise that too, you’ll realise that you’re stronger and happier without him. Believe me you deserve so much more than that and he’s so much of a loser for losing you. Believe me it will never ever be your loss not the other way around. Please feel free to email me anytime.

  • Greenradagast

    Feeling your pain.
    My breakup came so unexpectedly and so suddenly it was like she had been in an accident and died. She has totally cut off all communication and hes never properly explained what happened. She totally even refused to acknowledge that we had a relationship. I have been through two divorces, and they were nothing like this. I have never felt like this in my life and am in a state of total confusion. Yep, it hurts like hell.

  • Jessica

    Hi my boy friend broke up with me a week ago and I can’t get over him I am dying slowly feels like slow poison I have no one to talk to no friends could use some company

  • Jess

    We were together for 4 years always had each other back and we were away from each for just 2 months and everything change he said he’s gonna give me space isn’t space breaking up ? He wanted to be friends but I couldn’t do it it hurts so bad I imagine him kissing another woman I imagine him doing the things he did for me with another woman and that is tearing me apart I wanna know who she is so i can scream at there faces for hurting me I love him and I will always love him I hate him for hurting me

  • Shelly

    I know what u are going tru I am going tru this only thing he thought I was pregnant and I did an abortion but I never did we always fight over another woman he always put other women above me so now he said lets go our separate ways and I am trying hard to cope and move on I know we had ruff days but the good days man nothing could come between us I could be my self around him

  • KillMeNows

    This is the first time I am writing something on the web and it is only because I am in so much pain and I don’t know what else to do. I “personally” killed my 2 years relationship. It has not been anything like I have ever had before. I thought that was it and she was the women to give birth to my future kids. I made lots of bad decisions.. One after another.. At that time it felt completely normal and I was actually believing that I was doing the right things but only now I see how bad I made everything. Now I see how much I hurt her feelings everytime without even realizing it.. God i am an awful person.. I know this for sure that I do not even deserve her love, hell god i never did, not before not now.. Yet she loved me unconditionally and now that I lost it and the guilt is only and only on me I can’t live with it, I can’t bear the pain. For my entire life i know that no one will ever love me the way she did and I even called her love sick. god i dont even deserve to live. I realize every single mistake i made and i regret all of them but now I cant do anything about it.

  • kush

    Hi, I am dealing with a break up as well. Its been awful 4 weeks and even though pain is less intense, obsessive thoughts continue to lingers. She dumped me, after two and half years of loving relationship. I loved her truly and gave every possible affection to her. Showed care and accepted her. But she said there are no second chances, its over. It still stings, feels like she robbed me and I want to hate her to the best of my ability . I gave everything to this relationship and got this in return. I am grieving about this since the night she said those words till now and she continue to cruise in her life without any problem. Is there anything as Karma or God?

  • Rosa

    I hope you find some peace. I’m going through something similar and seriously just allow yourself to feel the pain and emotions for me, every day since the break up is a roller coaster , I’m fine then I’m about to burst into tears , and others I’m angry and lashing out. And the worst is when I think about him with his new girlfriend and how he probably with marry her and have kids something he never seemed to want with me even though we dated for 10 years. We never even moved on I don’t know what happened how did time go so fast and he broke my heart in the end more than once

  • megan light

    Love this. The resentment part is hard. I want to remember it for how great it was at times. Not be cynical and view my ex SO as a bad person.

  • Zenlightenment

    Just recently got broken up with just a day ago and ive been trying to look for some comfort and this website never disappoints. Even tho the guys was trying to do it for all the right reasons, im still stuck here hurting and wondering if he ever really loved me as much as he said. And its so hard not to let my mind wander. But thank you for this article. Its absolutely beautifully written

  • Zenlightenment

    This is literally how i feel right now. My chest hurts so very much. It feels tight and im physically hurting. Its like my body is sad and just wants to shut down so it doesnt have to go through this awful pain.

  • noka

    i have also had break up with the man i thought he is my soulmate and my everything, i loved him from all my heart and the way he broke up with me was sudden and unexpected ,my pain is unbearable and i need a friend man or woman doesnt matter who lives similar circumstances and we can support eachother ,my email mysoulbeauty@gmail

  • maggi

    Hi.I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months.This is the second time we have broken up .The first time he told that he still loves his ex as the reason for the breakup.Post breakup we had a lot of fights ,we couldnt even remain friends and a month later I got to know that it wasnt true and he lied to me only to hide the truth that his aunt didnt agree to our relationship .After i got to know about the truth he came back to me saying that he will stand against her .All was fine ,until his aunt again got to know of our relationship and this time he said he couldnt stand against her as she has a political background and there is nothing much we can do about it …to be together .so he broke up with me again ,we decided we would be friends but a lot of things i did made him upset and hurt .now he is pissed at me for not listening to him and hurting someone pretty close to him by my words .he evn blocked me and made himself completely unavailable.a few days ago i talked to his friend about him and he told me that he(my ex)doesnt love me .he did all of it just to make me happy .he always loved his ex.and i dont know what to believe because when we broke up the first time he told me the same reason only to make me forget him .i dont know what to do anymore .

  • Just a person

    I broke up too and am broken by it deeply. What I tend to notice about love now, is that it is not about who loves who more or less. It’s about people realising as they grow up, that they’re maturing mentally and physically, and they need the other person. If you loved, then why would that feeling fade I thought?… Maybe because the other half wasn’t ready to understand that the love faded because they didn’t act on it to resolve it and rebuild the bond?
    I’m speaking my opinion on this stuff, not trying to hurt anyone, just trying to look at break ups like mine in the purest way possible. I might just be completely wrong about this. I just wanted good for my other half, it was rarely about me, everything I did, I did to make my other half feel loved/better, that in turn made me feel happy too. 🙂

  • maggiemay

    Just came across this. I am just in the process of what feels to be the most painful breakup of my life. I am not a youngster, I wasn’t married to him and it was very much a fledgling relationship, perhaps that is why it is so, so painful. He also did the classic cowardly man thing of pushing me to my limits so that I forced his hand, and then stopped calling me. That was 3 weeks ago, and the questions or words I needed from him make it so much harder to handle. People say “sometimes things just don’t work out”, and I agree, it didn’t work out. But I would like to have had the conversation with him, I wanted him to be truthful and tell me what wasn’t working. His silence feels like the final slap in the face.

  • courage100

    His silence may just be a way for him to keep the door open. Pay attention to his behavior. Is it a familiar pattern? Repeat behavior?

    He may not be capable of what you need and/or want in a relationship. Invest in yourself. Know your worth. More importantly, keep moving.

    Good luck.

  • Cristina

    I was on my in love once, 1st relationship age 35 until 38, met thru matchmaking company. We dated, engaged, lived together, I’m an extrovert, he’s an introvert, didn’t work out. He became depressed in his life; I’ve still been communicating with him and him with me off and on for 2 1/2 years. I still deeply care about him. Their is still ridiculously love feelings. I don’t want to get hurt again. I wonder if he wants to get back together, it seems like it but we’ve had a complicated relationship and a very painful breakup. How do I move on?

  • delicate

    This really helped me, yesterday I had to break up with the love of my life because I wasn’t happy within the relationship and my self esteem was taking its toll on it and I suppose this has given me hope for better, I keep thinking that I made the wrong choice and that I could’ve done something to not hurt him but I know that the longer it went on the unhappier I’d be and that it was the right decision now I have to grieve and remember all the good and bad memories and thank myself for this journey that he brought me

  • Stephenson Calendar

    How are you doing? Is the physical pain gone? I’m also going through that phase right now. It’s worse because I have not many family or friends around since I’m an immigrant. He was my home and I feel homeless.

  • Stephenson Calendar

    My situation exactly. I guess in the need of stability we try to put up with a lot of inconveniences. And we feel like he might be grateful for it and return the favor. My ex realized that he is treating me poorly. So he wants me to move on. In other words he wants me gone. He is under a lot of pressure and I trust him that he will fix it soon. No such luck. It’s been 2 years with intermittent month long breaks so he can get his stuff together. But our relationship has suffered and died but his stuff is not together yet. I should be happy because I don’t need to think about how poorly he treats me everyday. Turning down all invitations, complaining all the time, showing no interest in my life. But I find it hard to have no hope . I’m hurting because I lost my friend that I thought I could heal. Or at least be there for him through the bad times into the perfect happy future ..

  • Stephenson Calendar

    Girl , I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. Somewhere during the relationship he got very negative, prickly and depressing. He had headaches and various unexplained illnesses. I thought he was just crying for attention but he hated any attention I gave him. He started being alone and visiting family more and more, leaving me in the dark. Never said he loved me , never said he didn’t. I should’ve broken up firmly with him instead of keep my hope up all this time. 2 days ago he said he wants to break up for good because “he isn’t good for me” and he is under “too much pressure” to do anything with me, for me.
    This hurts worse. I say to you, keep this situation but don’t let him back unless he shows that he is willing to work on his depression. Because sometimes depression is contagious and if he doesn’t want to help himself, it’s dangerous to have him around for your own sake. I wish I would’ve spared myself this pain and left him on my own terms.

  • sukh

    hii your last words made me cry when u said he was my home ..that’s what i m feeling now homeless helpless girl .waiting for him

  • maggiemay

    Thank you much. After 5 dreadful weeks, he finally instigated a meeting with me. It turns out that he thought my silence meant I wanted the relationship to end. So, within 3 weeks of us not contacting each other, he went of and got together with someone else! He got together with me within a very short time of being separated from a long marriage, and admitted to me that he cannot be on his own. He only told me about meeting the new person after we had discussed again and again how we had both misconstrued the mutual silence, and agreed it was a ridiculous situation. Yet he decided that he couldn’t just reunite with me, he needed to make a choice between me (been together just under a yr) and the new person. That was 2 days ago. The fact that he ultimately complicated things even further, should have been my cue to finally let him go. Has been 2 days, now I know there is no hope and I am not degrading myself.

  • Danyeal

    I feel your pain mine has only been a couple days smh 3.5 yrs & he said he doesn’t know what he wants. It hurts so bad he was my best friend, the love of my life. We did everything together. I’m just trying 2 move on with my life but the pain & the tears won’t go away.

  • Akshay

    Hello, I am also suffering from the break-up these days. My girl-friend who was very innocent and bholi-bhali, we were having friendship for the last four years. But over very small issues, she has stopped all communications with me. This breakup is really very very painful emotionally. But I have seen that from every scene of the drama of our life, we learn something from it. What I have learnt from this scene of drama, is that no person is our real-friend except God. Only God can give us shelter during the whole life and even after the death also. This is only GOD who has the power to really give support to us for the whole life. All other relationships are based on selfishnes mainly. When there is friendship between boys and girls, mainly it is a physical attraction and both of them mainly want to satisfy their sexual gratification and the name is given LOVE to this game. Really speaking, it is nothing but a game of sexual gratification and nothing else. When this desire of sexual gratification is fulfilled, then the same person will look like a BURDEN. This is the practice of this world …. Therefore, learn a lesson. Leave this dirty drama of sexual gratification from the boys or girls and to in the shelter of GOD. Only HE can give you the true love and peace of mind …..

  • AU182

    I feel like I’m in an impossible situation, broke up with my Ex
    but we have another year of uni together in the same class.
    There was an age gap 20-28, and something changed in her that meant she felt she had to be on her own. Which is so hard to take when being told you have done nothing wrong, that she loves you. I know despite being the older one, I struggled to open up at times or speak my mind because I just wanted her to be happy. I know the lessons I need to learn, we had so many good times. I wanted to try and work things out but she didn’t feel she could right now and needed me to understand, I realised after trying to change her mind that it was futile. So said I love you, I’ve proud of you, thank you for the good times and I hope your excited bout your future. She said thank you , that she needed me to trust her to do this, and that she loves me but just has to do this and what is meant to be will be.

    I’ve come to accept allot but of course the rejection is hard, but the whats meant to be will be is a killer. It was both our second relationship, we want to be friends. But thats gonna take time. And we have a year of uni together in a month

  • Seed

    Hi tiny , I came accross this page and decided to see any advice I could get, my girl broke up with me cause I was too careless with her. I took her for granted never showed her much attention, she had given me a couple of chances but I blew them . She went through lots of hurt and pains befor she finally decided to let go, I have done all I can to win her back. But the situation now is she said we can be friends , if I say no I can’t be friend am gonna move on and try and forget about everything , she breaks in tears , she doesn’t wanna date me , yet she still want me around , we still have sex and hang out together . Am confused , what does this mean, should I move on, or should I still keep hoping that one day she’s gonna have a change of heart. Am so confused, but I really love her more than anything in the world . Pls advice

  • Simone

    So I just broke up with my boyfriend, we have been on and off for 3 years. I feel like its the right thing to do because we argue a lot, but I’m so sad I keep crying. I don’t want to see him with anybody else. He say that I gave up on him. I told him that I don’t want to be with him, now I’m over here crying and I can’t help but feel like need to text him. And tell him how much he means to me, but I know that our relationship is unhealthy. What should I do?

  • Tommy

    I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 4 years we broke up for a couple months recently then got back together..i have jus got out of jail agenn!! And have found out she has bin upto no good with a soo called friend of mine and now the relationship is far from the same wen i look at her now i just want too punch her head in i have soo much hate for her its unreal bit i still love her aswell am soo confused and just too top it off am tagged too her house soo i cnt even get away for a break or a think and even if i could i dont trust her 1bit..while i was in jail she was out every night drinking havin the time of her life!! She is litterally all av got av got no family no REAL friends she litterally is my everythink and i find it soo hard too cope without her like litterally impossible!! She messed mu life upp now coz am goin too kill the snake ov a soo called mate ov mine and feel like doin her in streight after and with my mental state i really will…so hold tite hmp here i come….

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  • Laurel

    I know that this is old but I need somewhere to vent my life right now. I met my partner when I was 14 and he was about to turn 16. We had a 6 month relationship but we were young and I was wild. Fast forward 21 years I found him on facebook and said hello out of curiosity. We talked and we agreed to meet. We were in different states so he came down to see me and we had the most amazing weekend. He went home and both of us felt the connection was stronger than just that weekend. He came back down 2 weeks later, He was in a complicated situation as he was with a girl right before we met and she was pregnant with his baby. They had a rough relationship and it came to a point where he wanted to make the move to where I was at. In hindsight we should have waited until after the baby was born and we should not have acted so briskly. The babies mother wouldn’t let him see the baby since he had chosen to be with me instead of staying there. She finally agreed to let him meet the baby a week ago so I flew him out there for a week to spend some time with her. Well he now wants to move back there and be a dad. I cannot argue with that. I cannot compete with his child and I would never even try or want to. I am however extremely upset because in a matter of a week everything that we had planned and all of the dreams we talked about are now out the window. I have never loved a man like I love him. We have a fantastic relationship but I have 3 kids and we have our lives here I don’t want to uproot them. We have understanding and passion and we have this bond and love for each other but he is just not happy being a part time father to his daughter. He feels bad playing daddy to my kids while his kid suffers without him. This hurts so bad because things are not bad they are great. I am going to miss cooking together, shopping together, the kisses when we go to work and the kisses when we get home. Laying next to the love of my life every night. I am not sure how I am going to be able to watch him go!

  • Gustavo vargas

    Its been two weeks since we last embraced each other. My girlfriend loved me endlessly and i did as well. She was my first relationship in 8 year’s, so i was fairly new to it. I found myself preparing myself for the break up more then enjoying the journey. I always felt like i was not good enough for her but when i pushed away she was always there to pull me back and tell me everything was going to be okay and that she loved me to the moon and back. I did this on the regular, you know spazzing out, but despite all that my love for her was and is so great. I finally pushed her away once to many times and then she just told me she could not keep doing the same thing over and over. I want to understand why is it that i can love someone so much but yet still figure out a way to push them away. The pain that i am going through is unbearable. I rarely sleep, my appetite is hardly there, and i feel like there are times where my body just cant function at all. I randomly start to think about all the fun times we had and how we would laugh over the dumbest things. I miss her so much and i dont know what to do. Especially when you know that you are the problem. I just wish there was a way she could let me in her life one more time but that ship has sailed and now i lay on the bed i made.

  • williams smith

    I know these may not be important here but some of us need this Advice.
    I want to offer a bit of advice to anyone looking to find help on saving their marriage/relationship. Me and my wife had a torrid time for a whole decade; all our family & friends constantly advising us to get a divorce but i knew it would break our children’s heart. i tried so many different things to save our marriage and from trial & error i came across a very helpful Advice from George, he talks about a love Dr and how is has being saving so many Relationships so i click on the mail address he wrote out and contacted the love Dr , that worked extremely well for me, so i am also wittering out his Web address and Email to those who as well needs help about your Relationship and for some other reasons:
    And now we are happily together with no more problems
    you can contact him directly via his Email:

  • reggie

    I understand I thought we could beat the odds, Noone wanted us together but they still supported me. I wish I had him in my arms to hear those calls, to hear the words I love you babe, I miss you. Being my man was a bit younger I just figure he would see Im a great women I helped him thru alot he helped me too but for him to say I played is way beyond not true. If I played him I wouldnt have helped him out of some legal matters. I was the only one when noone else was. Now his just ice cold and tears my heart apart. I know he is laughing and I was a fool to believe that he really did love me or would have remorse.

  • Debbie

    My boyfriend broke up with me couple days ago he thought I was controlling him because I ask him one question flip out on me he done this many times before he cheated on me couple times got angry once I was dancing with a friend I ask him yo join he refuses went home then dump me then as well its was bad relationship but blaming myself for what happened I try to talk out with he won’t let me say anything apart me feel bit used as well

  • ed

    You really dont have to hurt him. Dont be a dickhead because he was a dickhead. Karma will teach whoever wronged anyone a soar lesson belive me

  • mary

    Major break up in my life knew 12 years restraining order can’t afford replace my thing

  • Hanna

    Hi. I’m dealing with a breakup right now and it hurts badly, he was not the love of my life but I was a lone person who needed to start a relationship to get through loneliness, every thing seemed to be perfect and he was kind so I started having feelings for him, after a few months we had our first argument and it happened over and over again, I knew we have to stop this and this relationship is not gonna last, but just did not dare to stop, you may think I am crazy but I didn’t want to be alone, It scares me, it is like no one on earth loves me and cares about me, I am now 32 and feel so bad about it, most of my friends are married and have children, I always wanted to have a family too, I thought about my relationship that ” this time things will work out between me and him “but now I am dealing with break up and it hurts like hell, I had many plans for our future and now I feel shallow, I don’t know how I can calm myself to accept that this is happening. I feel so needy and I hate it to be like this.

  • Sarah Jones
  • lottie lou

    Hi. 3 weeks ago my boyfreind ended our relationship saying he just wanted to be freinds…i feel my foundations of “life” has gone, i feel cheated out of all the future plans we made. I cant sleep,eat,go to work i just feel dead inside. I didnt see this coming we hardly ever argued and i always and still belive he was my true soul mate. I love him so much I know i will heal in time but the pain of heartbreak is the most intoletable feeling ever. I am 43 (today!)and feel like how the hell to you begin again at my age… No friends as i put all my eggs in that one basket, the hole he has left just feels so big i dont know if i will ever be able to fill it. Any advice please email me thank u for reading this 🙂

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  • Nancy Miau

    Thank you, while I am aware that all things happen as they should and that I didn’t really lose someone, cos we met when we had to and all that,it still sucks but the very last line of your text :
    “Rest in the knowledge that while you’re learning love’s lessons in preparation for your future mate, he or she is being prepared for you, too”
    That one reminded me that indeed, that is true, and I know cos every person I’ve dated and been with has been even better, nicer than the last one, I can’t imagine how cool this mate could be. So thank you!

  • Galaxy

    My ex and I broke up just yesterday. We were together for 4 years and were not the type of couple to breakup on a whim when we had disagreements in our relationships. We always worked through it together. She told me that as long as I tried and looked for the stars in her eyes, that she would always be there. I guess that was too good to be true. She ended it because I guess love just wasn’t enough to fix things. And sometimes it really isn’t and I had to accept that fact. People change. She did and so did I and now we are going our separate ways. I love her so much and she told me that she still loves me which hurts even more that two people who love each other can’t work through their problems. I’m hurting a lot right now and I know she is too but I hope we can both move on from this as quickly and as painless as possible.

  • Vv

    My boyfriend mother denied our relationship cause he is manglik and I am not. I am totally depressed.

  • rolfen

    You’re going through a breakup? Remember to love!