“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” ~Buddha
I always felt invisible whenever my husband and I got together with a certain couple.
Every time we saw them, it triggered feelings of rejection because they would go on and on about themselves and never ask about how I was doing or feeling. I went home feeling ignored and sad every time.
Finally, after putting up with this non-reciprocal relationship for a number of years, I decided that it was best for us to break free from it.
For the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this self-absorbed behavior bothered me so much.
Eventually, the light bulb went off and I realized I kept hoping that one day this couple would validate me, in the same way that I kept hoping and hoping that one day my father would validate me.
You see, my biggest negative childhood trauma was feeling invisible and unworthy of my father’s love. So anytime someone, like this couple, ignores me and I feel invisible, the little girl inside me feels pain.
You may have people that trigger the young vulnerable parts of you, leading you to feel unloved, unworthy, and invisible.
This little girl that is frozen in time in my psyche felt worthless and not enough.
She eventually had had enough of me ignoring her, and she sought redemption by making me have a two-year battle with depression, anxiety, and panic attacks.
Antidepressants and therapy took the edge off, but they didn’t heal the source of the hurt.
I was searching for answers on how to permanently get rid of emotional scars, like a gardener looking for a way to dig up and discard the roots of stubborn weeds. My search ended when I discovered a little known powerful, rapid, and different method of healing emotional scars through self-led re-parenting and unburdening young parts of toxic memories.
The young parts of you that hold negative emotions of shame, guilt, rejection, abandonment, and unworthiness need the love and reassurance from you that they never got when they first experienced negative events.
I went back into the old toxic experiences that created the faulty beliefs that I was unlovable, unworthy, and not enough. I “re-parented” that little girl by telling her she is lovable, worthy, and enough.
I explained to her that Dad didn’t know how to show his love. He was acting from his wounded parts, and that’s why she grew up in an environment that was filled with emotional misery.
The little girl now understands what happened, and she’s able to believe that she is worthy, enough, and lovable because I told her she was. She is no longer frozen in time and has come into the present with me, where she resides in my heart.
As a result of loving this young part, I recovered from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks for good.
I also stepped into my father’s shoes and now know that validating me is something he was not capable of, because of his upbringing. I have forgiven him and now have compassion for him instead of anger.
I am so thankful that this couple was in my life. They gave me the gift of identifying my most painful emotional wound.
Who pushes your buttons? What is the gift they are giving you to help you identify your most painful wounds?
This re-parenting technique that resulted in unconditionally loving myself has positively and permanently shifted my happiness set point and boosted my self-esteem and confidence.
Nothing is holding me back from being happy now and in the journey to living to my potential and making a difference.
My wounded part showed up as depression. Your wounded parts may show up as health and weight challenges; addictions such as eating too much, drinking too much, shopping too much, and procrastination; self-sabotage; anger; perfectionism; or overachievement.
The following steps will help you heal your emotional scars at their source, delete the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck, and reprogram your brain with positive beliefs.
1. Identify who triggers you.
Which feelings do they trigger? Who is the parent, teacher, sibling, or old boyfriend/girlfriend with whom you originally felt this way?
2. Step into this person’s shoes.
Understand how much pain they are in from their own past. This will help you have compassion for them and forgive them.
3. Access the young part of you that acquired the faulty beliefs as a result of interactions with this person.
Examples of faulty negative core beliefs are: “I’m not lovable,” “I’m not enough,” “I’m not worthy,” and “I’ll never amount to anything.”
4. Recall a scene that made you believe you were bad.
Be with that part and give it the love and reassurance that it never got when that event happened. Tell it that it is lovable, worthy, and enough. Soak in the image of your loving self of today kissing, loving, and hugging this young part.
5. Unburden yourself of the original negative feelings and beliefs.
Imagine the ocean washing away the faulty beliefs of “I’m not lovable,” “I’m not worthy,” and “I’m not enough.” This energetically releases the bad memories and beliefs from your body.
6. Bring that young part into the present.
Have it be part of your team to move you forward and be happy.
Healing myself through this technique has allowed me to create a new narrative for my life story. I now believe the Universe purposely gave me negative experiences for the evolution of my soul.
These events gave me the gift of finding my life’s calling.
You too can figure out your life’s mission by healing your emotional scars first. Then you can figure out the new narrative that helps you make lemonade out of your lemons. As a result, you can live fully with joy and purpose before you die.
When you heal the emotional scars that keep you unhappy, you can significantly improve your happiness set point and positively change the course of your life.
So, if you have people that push your buttons, thank them for being in your life. They are a gift because they help you find the source of your deepest wounds, which hold you back from being shameless and confidently showing up as the happiest version of you.
Do you have emotional scars that are triggered by certain people?
Photo by Ansel Edwards