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You Already Know Your Soul Mate

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

During the summer, my husband and I decided to take our lovely nieces and nephew out for a day-of-fun in the city. I expected a day filled with fun, laughter, and connection; I was in store for much more—a lesson in love and truth, told by my eleven-year-old niece.

We were all at dinner and decided to play a game where one person asks a question of their choice, and everyone else answers. The question “Who do you have a crush on?” arose, and around the table we went.

All the kids had normal answers such as “um, Jason—no Adam—well, sometimes Chris,” “Definitely Sarah,” “I am not sure if I want to say,” and so on.

Then the question came around to one of my nieces and she answered with a big smile on her face, “Myself!”  Wow, what an answer, I thought. If only I had that kind of wisdom and self-love at that age. I was so proud and happy for her that she saw herself through such a beautiful lens.

Her answer started to make me think. How many of us have spent endless hours and years trying to find our true love, the one who will finally find us and make all that time we waited worth it—ultimately, our soul mate?

As my niece pointed out to me, could it be possible we have been searching for a connection that has been within us the whole time?

What if we took that term, soul mate, and looked at it from my sweet niece’s eyes. What would we see? Maybe we would see that a soul mate is not always someone else; it does not have to be outside of you. It could be the meeting of your soul and self within you.

Sometimes, we use so much of our time waiting and searching for someone else to fill us up and love us that we forget how much love we all already have inside that is patiently waiting to be released. We could find that missing piece if we turn inward and remember how special and beautiful we are in our core.

But more often, we forget how to release this innate gift and fall into our own joy and divinity. We forget to connect to our power within ourselves.

When this happens, we usually end up giving our power away and allowing someone else to define us. We allow ourselves to been seen through others’ eyes, and eventually, forget what we look like through our own.

If we search for our missing half, our soul mate, in another person, we inherently believe we are not complete without someone else. We convince ourselves we are not whole, and we can never be whole until we find our true love.

I believe this false notion allows us to ignore our true potential and avoid taking responsibility for our own love and happiness.

We end up using precious time trying to learn, accept, and love every possible mate, while dismissing the opportunity to learn, accept, and love ourselves.

Sometimes, we are quick to welcome all the “beautiful” and “good” aspects of ourselves, while avoiding the “bad” and “unacceptable” pieces within us. Would we do that to our true love, our soul mate? Or, would we see and accept them for who they are?

I don’t think we will ever be able to love ourselves until we acknowledge all our different aspects—the “strong” and the “weak”— and start giving ourselves compassion instead of judgment. A puzzle needs all its pieces in order to be complete.

Now, I am not saying the only soul mate we can ever have is ourselves. I believe we can have different variations of soul mates—some being people who touch us profoundly and understand us deeply.

But if we make a strong connection with ourselves, we will be able to live from a powerful, authentic place. From here, we will be able to identify our other soul mates more clearly because then we truly know who we are and can better see who inspires us to be more of our truth.

So, where do we find this amazing soul mate? I think it is the meeting place of pure divinity and humanness within us.

Soul mate can be defined as the reunion of our lost self and found spirit.

Only when we learn to love and accept ourselves are we able to receive love and acceptance from someone else. We must first feel it from within to understand and recognize it from without.

So, the next time you catch yourself wishing to be with that one person who could complete you and make your life perfect, remember: Your wish could come true. You might just need to borrow my niece’s lens so you can see more clearly.

The mate of your soul is already here, it is you.

Photo by The Glowing North Stars

About Sheila Prakash

Sheila believes in everyone’s ability to open their hearts and heal their hurts in order to discover and share their Light. She follows this passion as a Psycho-Spiritual Therapist and Transpersonal Breathwork Facilitator in which she guides people on their journey of self-discovery. Learn more at www.lookingwithintherapy.com.

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  • H R

    Great article. And at such an opportune time. Thanks Sheila 🙂

  • faye assee

    How well said. I absolutely wholeheartedly agree and I thank you kindly for reminding us all. Namaste
    Wonderful article and very inspiring.

  • nectar

    Unfortunately it isnt quite the same as a tender kiss or being held by a lover 🙁

  • Patty

    Great post.  One of the deep truths about love – the more we love, honor and respect ourselves, the greater our capacity to love others becomes.  Being centered in self…not “self-centered”
    love’n’light, y’alll 🙂

  • vanessa

    It’s a wonderful thought and I wish I could think that way but as ‘nectar’ stated….it is not the same as being kissed tenderly and held by a lover….:(  

  • Vageli M

    It never ceases to amaze me the great depth of wisdom in the offhand remarks of children.  This post is truly inspiring.

  • Vageli M

    This, for me is the greatest hindrance to accepting myself as my one true love.  Intellectually, I know that within me I have all the tools – I am complete within myself.  But emotionally, or better yet, in terms of faith, I do not feel that.  I feel that I need something outside of me to bear Witness to my existence.  Why is that?  Why do we (or most of us at least) yearn for external validation when in the end we are our own judge?  This has been the hardest gap for me to bridge in terms of my spiritual life.

  • Jgrhyy

    The best lesson I learnt is to love yourself fully – anything else is just a bonus 🙂

  • nectar

    I believe we all find comfort/security in intimacy and perhaps also we like to feel like we are the most important thing in someone elses life…this is perhaps due to our ego but also innate in our primal instincts of survival and longing for nurture (which brings us comfort even as a child in our mothers arms)…what does anyone else think? 

  • Kelito

    What young people can provide is the simple and fundamental essence of being present and uncluttered.  We adults have spent so many years filling and cluttering our minds with stories, meaning, interpretations, ‘growing up’, experiences, circumstances, ‘surviving’, searching outside ourselves for validation and living in the past or in “someday” and so we lose touch with what is “really” real.  We confuse the things that we want or think we want (such as a tender kiss or being held) and think they are things that we need to BE some way, like happy or fulfilled or complete.  Then many of us wake up a little – usually in breakdown or from a traumatic experience – and realize our “glass” is too full.  We then seek out spiritual experiences, books, quotes, courses, etc so that we can try to get back to that point when we were all kids seeing life as it IS, uncluttered by all the extra added meaning, living in freedom, choosing rather than reacting and by just being in the moment (I call this ‘wisdom’).  Maybe we should just all seek coaching and advice from the children of the world instead and to remind ourselves of who we were then and just become that again today, our true soulmate. Great timely article and discussion. Thank you!

  • NaturalVee

    This is bringing tears to my eyes this day. I Am my own soul mate. My soul mate is ME and has been here all along. So beautiful. Thank you so much. =)

  • One of life’s most difficult lessons is to “start giving ourselves compassion instead of judgement”. Instead of striving to be someone else’s version of perfect, I’m totally happy being perfectly me. With all my weaknesses and bad points 😉 Great post, thanks

  • lily

    i just came to this realization recently. i’ve been having trouble learning to love myself but i am working on it. truly inspiring . thank you

  • Edieharmony

    Unconditional love can only truly come from yourself.

  • Contact

    Connecting to one’s mind and soul, one’s higher self, really is something special…but nectar makes a good point – tangible, human touch is something to be cherished. It’s something nearly impossible for our minds to replicate, as much as we need to know ourselves – humans need humans.

  • SB

    “I believe we can have different variations of soul mates—some being people who touch us profoundly and understand us deeply.” 
    Although this whole article was profound and needed at this time in my life, that quote spoke to me the most. I’ve been blessed to meet two men who are like that-people who just get me without me trying. These people I know for fact had a divine purpose in my life and are my soulmates. 

    Isn’t it amazing when a child teaches us lessons? Never would have thought 🙂 

  • nectar

    why do we have such a craving to be wanted and to do life with someone? And if its due to how we are programmed (biological) then how can we overcome that and be content to do life on our own?

  • Candelaria

    Nectar…I don’t think the author said anything about it being the same or not. She clearly states that before falling in love with someone else and letting that define us, we must look within and see how much love we are caplable of giving ourselves.

    One of my friend’s said it clearly to me “be kind and gentle to you,” you’ll find that then the rest will fall into place. We are eventually our own soulmates, we do not need anyone to “complete” us, but we do want someone to complement us.

    I’m on the path to self loving and it might be a hard and rocky one, but I’m realizing that even though I am walking it on my own, it in no way makes me feel lonely because I am my own good company.

  • Rachel

    Absolutely love this article. “Believe this false notion allows us to ignore our true potential and avoid taking responsibility for our own love and happiness” is SO true. So inspiring of your niece to say something like that at (what seems like) such a young age. Props to her elders/mentors. 🙂

  • Tinarose29

    A few years ago I would have read this article and thought ‘ ha what is she talking about’, but these days I look in the mirror and the love that I feel for myself is so intense it hurts lol, and I truly believe that the man that does come into my life as a ‘soulmate’ will be damn lucky to have me xx

  • @Sheila, I think self love is more of failing to recognize one’s own flaws. Those who fall in self love often become arrogant and undermine others. What do you say to that?

  • Hakan

    Interesting article. I learned a lot. I wish everyone good luck on this. This blog post of my covers same topic but using maths! Interesting! Take a look at it. http://www.hakanakdag.net/life/how-to-find-your-soul-mate-using-math/

  • Kiso

    Ha, depressing, so after all this time of waiting all you’re telling ppl is that they don’t have a soul mate and will just wind up alone, wow. Nothing beautiful about this.

  • johnsmithsonian

    let see what you would say if you didn’t find your husband

  • Emily

    This is beautiful.

  • ~Madness~

    well what if you need your other half to help you love yourself?

  • Rima

    what is the difference between “to complete” and “to complement”? I can’t see the difference. when you love yourself and think you do not anyone to make your happiness complete (better), what is the “utility” of another person in your life?

  • Michelle

    the title is flawed for the article. I already love myself. This question is, “If I speak and nobody hears me, did I really speak?” She has a husband, so she is heard whether she is understood by him or not is another story. The point is to have somebody to share all of this bountiful love with, even the nieces. It makes a huge difference. To have somebody even give you a hug validates your existence. Loving yourself, no matter how much does not do that on this plane anyway.

  • Sammunn

    I love this! And you for writing this!

  • susanna

    wow! i was just telling someone this the other day, they had posted something about the difference between a soul-mate and a life partner. i had a problem with that article simply because it made a life partner seem so ordinary, and unimportant. however while i was reading it and reflecting, i realized, i’m my own soul mate. the past four years for me has been and still is the beginning of me starting to know my own soul and my own personal and spiritual self. i came to these conclusions on my own, and for me i don’t think i would’ve been able to look at myself for who i really was 4 years ago had it not been for my husband daniel. and as i have matured, grown, and learned so much, i try to enlighten my husband as well. sometimes he questions and doesn’t understand but i know he listens to me and hears what i have to say. by me helping myself, i’ve been able to help others. and for this, i know i am my own teacher, my own spiritual guidance, and my own soul mate.

  • Anthony Williams

    Agreed. I was wondering is anyone else was irked by a married person authoring an article advising others that they are their own soulmate. I can acknowledge that there was some useful advice in the above article if one considers the advice independent of the source; but frankly I don’t find it relatable when a married person is advising others on replacing love with another person with self love.

  • RealityCheck

    Where is she?

  • R

    Excellent article but unfortunately the majority of people confuse self love with egomania.

  • Chris Bradley

    Strange things happening in my life. An extremely visceral, real, and unexplainable connection with a woman I just met. This all happens over about a month, but really intense portion over just the last week.

    When we met for the first time and she spoke, I got goose bumps and something seemed familiar, but I was not at the time open to what it was. I played it off as nothing. Just thought she was a sweet soul and glad to have a new friend.

    Felt something familiar again whilst we were together with a group of friends at a Watch release event in Beverly Hills, and she asks us to stay after the event and hang out, and I feel scared for some reason, so we decline. I just felt apprehensive, like something out of my control wanted me to stay.

    We have a few back and forths via text and set up a few dinners and a cycling session to hang out with each other and others whilst I’m in the city on business the next week.

    We go to dinner two nights in a row with other people and I find myself listening to her talk, and everyone else around us is a blur, I find myself having to concentrate to include her other friend at dinner in the conversation and also find myself having to pull myself away from her gaze and I feel like I’m too intent on listening to her and it’s obvious to everyone there, so I keep pulling back. I still don’t think anything about it as I am a bit attracted to her, which is normal for a healthy man when he befriends a beautiful woman. I’m not a man that would ever act on such a thing whilst I’m in along term committed relationship of 18 years.

    Thought nothing more than a nice friendship until she walked into her place of work that day in NYC and when she walked in I had a huge warming rush and felt kinda like ‘Hey, it’s you, I recognize you now, where have you been? We had a somewhat intimate talk about her dating life in NYC and her previous 4 year relationship with a man that was not good to her. I immediately feel a sense of protection for her, and even tell her that if this guy she is supposed to see this evening doesn’t’ treat her right, and with the respect she deserves, that I will kick his ass. At this time I am leaving to go home from my trip and stay to talk with her far longer than I should have to catch my plane. I barely make it on the plane in time. But feel it was worth it.

    Over the next few days I developed a feeling so strong and so intense and it keeps getting stronger. The feeling that we had known each other a thousand years, and had planned to meet again and it finally happened.

    The intensity of the connection kept growing over the next few days as we texted back and forth, we both feel a strange unique thing between us and we discuss it. Myself being in a long term relationship of marriage for 18 years and us not wanting to cross a line, as she is a really loyal soul as am I and neither of us wants anything between us to become inappropriate I can feel it from her, so we both kind of tip toe carefully around the subject of what this is. This is not a physical attraction, or an infatuation, this goes far beyond anything to do with this physical world. I know we both feel it. I can feel her feeling it. It is the strangest feeling and all the time I’m wondering if I am going crazy because I have never experienced anything close to this.

    Something happened to me about 6 months previous, where I felt like I could feel people’s energy a little bit more than I ever had. I’ve always been a bit intuiative to the energy inside us, and often times had had small sort of dreamlike experiences around such things. It felt as though I was starting to see things a bit differently and preparing for something. I had kind of adjusted to this over the months but as the months went on my wife was terrible to me and I retaliated a lot or would just recoil and go into my own world. This has been more than 15 years of not strong marriage with my wife.

    The marriage that I have been in for so long and had so many problems over the years has been eroding again for the 10th time in 18 years. Things are at an all time tension and I think it’s best to separate and get some perspective. We had talked about it so many times but always just stayed because it was so much easier to stay. It’s so different this time.

    The connection with the new friend is now getting so strong that I feel as though its out of control. All I do is think about doing things for her. Pleasing her, being there for her, making her life better. I have such a deep burning in my chest. It feels like meeting her has unlocked the vault inside body which had contained half of a soul and added the missing piece and now its complete and my whole body is filled with my soul now. I have intense dreams about a connection on an entire other plain with her. Our souls both burning bright and in 100% connection with the other. It is so intense that I feel the energy flowing between us, it’s so strong that it’s a visual energy in my dreams. Feels so real.

    By this time I am so freaked out that I have started seeing a therapist to help me sort through all of these overwhelming feelings. I keep going back to the fact that In my marriage I have said that I feel we need to get back to “This point” or “that Point” when things were amazing, and I’m realizing that the point I want and desire is so much stronger and unexplainable that what I have ever had with my wife, even when we thought we were “Madly in Love” with each other. I feel as though this person has shown me something that I had no idea existed, she has been the one that has shown me what truly can be with intensity, Passion, Love. Which is so strange because we are literally just friends, and again have not really even hung out with each other that much. Even though we both feel it that we have known each other so well, for so long. I find myself feeling as though I know her, but haven’t seen her for so long, and all I want to do is talk to her all day everyday and all night and ask her how her life her has been and know everything about her and who she is now. Such an overwhelming feeling. I respect this woman very much and think she is fantastic on all levels. She is beautiful, extremely talented and tenacious and has so much passion for her career, and I love and adore everything about her at this point. We also have some other things in common which we love such as Exercising and Cycling.

    Waking up after this dream I keep having multiple times I feel absolutely compelled to figure it out, what is it, what does it mean. After not finding any visual representations of it online, I feel compelled to get it out on paper, so I spend an hour creating a graphic in photoshop to represent what I see and feel. It kind of scares me. I’m not at this point 100% open to letting the feeling flow, I keep trying to figure it out. By this evening it is so strong I decide to meditate and center myself and let it just be what it is. By this time she is 6,000 miles away on a business trip and I’m laying on the sofa thinking about her and sort of meditating. I’m hugging a pillow because the feeling is so strong that our energies are together on another plain somewhere meeting as one, the feeling of hugging something so tight and the feeling in my chest and the burning bright light and energy flowing between us feels better than 1,000 orgasms at once, but in my chest, in my heart, my soul, whatever it is… the energy is so strong and direct between us now that I can feel her from 6,000 miles away. I can feel that she’s exhausted but not sleeping. I can feel she is going through something, I can feel that she feels what I’m feeling too. She is feeling this intensity as well, and neither of us quite know what to do with it, other than let it flow. I actually feel as though I can help her with my energy. Give her something. I try to send her what she needs through this connection. At this point I would do anything for her, go to the ends of the earth.

    I have never wanted children my entire life, in fact always said that having one, would ”Ruin my life”, but I have had a surreal daydream or vision about us having a child together and it puts a smile on my face and I’m open to it. (Really has my head spinning a this point). All I can think of is helping her, showering her with affection and adoration because I know and love her to the core of her sole, like she is half of me. I’m also at this point becoming even more physically attracted to her in this world and I had a dream that has to do with us being physically intimate with each other in our earthly bodies. It was the most real, intense, and exciting thing I have ever dreamed about considering sex in my life. Far more passionate and intense than anything I have ever had with my wife by 1000 times. My wife and I have had a pretty dull sex life and I’d almost go as far to say sexless. Pretty few and far between often going 3-4 months or more, and when we do it’s not exciting and passionate, it’s mechanical, not a reflection of the true intimacy and passion that I, as a man, desire with a woman. I think I’ve always deep down felt like there was a phantom 3rd in the room or something, Like I feel bad, almost like I’m cheating on someone else with my wife. I think because of this maybe I push her way, and is part of the reason that we are not intimate very often. I am starting to put the pieces together about my role in our relationship flaws. It’s a two way street for sure. I did not fully understand this until the past few days, when I read something to this effect online, and it clicked that this is completely what has happened.

    I have concluded that I’m not crazy and this sort of spiritual awakening and re-uniting of partner souls or twin flames is happening more and more these days. Validation of my feelings from other people with similar experiences online feels good and I’m staying open to explore it more and figure out what it all means. The past few days stronger and stronger, I find myself feeling as though my chest is burning bright white , with the power of a thousand suns and my soul is being pulled and/or held up with the force of a million magnets together with this woman’s soul. It feels good I cannot deny it. I actually almost wish everyone could experience this, as it is so intense, and feels so right. It feels more real than anything I have ever experience in my life. I just don’t’ know quite where to go from here.

    I get the feeling that this might be bad timing for her as she is really involved in an intense week of work away from home and all of this external feelings feeling may be actually adding more strain to her, and all I desire in life is for her to be fulfilled and happy. I really love that she has a passion for her career. I try to back off a bit and not text her. I know she feels compelled to text me back if I text her, and I feel as though all of this is adding to her hectic stressful work schedule. It hurts to not talk to her, but I feel a strong connection with her constantly now.

    My wife and I have since separated a few days ago, but are living in the same house at the moment sharing the same bed (strange). We are trying to just be on a baser level just friends for now and trying to figure it out. My wife knows that I have had these feelings and I am going through some sort of metaphysical awakening or something, but she thinks these feelings are general and about a nameless faceless woman, and she has no idea to the extent that they truly exist for an actual woman. Of course she can’t because she has never felt anything like this before. I do not want to hurt my wife. My wife finds more hope in working this out than I do at this point, and she keeps trying to initiate physical intimacy with me thinking that this may somehow bring us closer together. I have always been a man that ties physical intimacy very close with true intimacy and closeness in spirit and mind, and nothing makes me more sick than thinking about having sex with her right now. My heart feels so far somewhere else. I just can’t do it. It would feel 100% like cheating to me, and I can’t do it.

    All I know is that I know my life will never, ever be the same, ever again. I feel so open! The sun and the light and everything in nature, it all feels changed and different somehow. Like I somehow understand it with greater meaning than I ever had, as though I have a heightened consciousness. I feel like I am seeing patterns in a different way than I ever had, Like a piece of my brain that was never used has all of a sudden been powered up. I feel as though I have had a breakthrough of undenying clarity, but with that has also opened up a whole lot more questions. How do I explore this further without crossing a line. I mean, I am technically separated at the moment, but my wife and I are still having a meal together everyday and living in the same house trying to be civil to one another whilst we take time and figure out if we want to stay together or split for good. I am looking for an apartment as we speak to get some distance, as my therapist has recommended this. I cannot and will not be the guy who leaves his wife running into the arms of another woman, I am a better man than that, and if something happened with this other woman, she doesn’t’ deserve that either, she is a really nice girl, she’s no homewrecker. Not that I currently have a home to wreck. But I feel so compelled by some force to look into it. I want to set things straight with my wife. I feel as though I have to explore these feelings with this other woman, and honestly, It goes so much deep here. I am so very strongly attracted to her in every way it hurts! It is so intense. I feel like I just wanna hold her so tight, so tight that we feel like one. I want to know everything about her. All I want to do is live to treat this woman like a queen and give her all my attention, which is also weird because in my previous relationships and life, I am a generally very selfish person, I am man enough to admit this. This woman has brought out so many things in me so quickly that I am absolutely a mess, and also elated at the same time. I want and need at my core to get to know this woman. I have a belief that I may be happier and more fulfilled with this person than anyone else on this planet, and I feel as though I fill that void for her. I have never been more sure and clear of anything in my life. I feel as though I have true unconditional love for and oneness with this woman, and again this is all so crazy, because we just met, and are just friends, but she has raised a consciousness in me that will never let me forget. It may torture me until the end of time if we are not together. I feel that she is my true Twin Flame.

    Where do I go from here? Am I hopeless?

    Any thoughts, similar experiences?