Hey, guys! I’m a 33 year old female who is struggling with almost the same issues as you. A couple years ago I met an incredible guy who made me feel like I’ve never felt before. It all felt lke home with him, We were just perfect for each other and we knew we couldn’t find a better match, but for some reason, we never even got to be a couple, we always remained friends. He treated me like a princess though and he showed me what it’s like to have someone really loving you.

But he struggles with depression and guilt for something he did to his one and only girlfriend ever, so one day he decided to disappear without a single explanation and I spent six months wondering what I did or what happened to him. He came back, as if nothing had happened, buy also apologizing and telling me that he had commited social suicide, cause he just got away from everything and everyone. We stayed in touch for about three months and he disappeared again. A few months later, he came back to be the most loving guy ever, but to tell me after a couple of months that he was moving to another country (a far away country, by the way) and that he didn’t want to ever come back. I must also say, that his brother says that he has some sister issues and that their sisterlives in the country he moved to. Besides, he was really mean to me when he told me he was leaving and he even said “till never”, so I take his word for granted.

He said goodbye last december and in february I started talking to a very nice guy, a guy who was also going to a bad breakup and we became friends. And very soon we became more than friends. I have always liked this guy cause he is gorgeous, but I never thought I had a chance with him and I also loved the one who moved to another country. I loved him very deeply, cause he made me feel so safe, I even had the patience with him I never had with anyone else. And I still think of him a lot, though I lost all contact with him since december, but I can’t stop looking at his facebook and twitter profile to see if he’s really never coming back.

The new guy, as I said, is gorgeous, smart, funny and we share a lot of interests, but he is kinda cold and distant, and I feel like I already know too much about him, because he has a past he never hides and because I met him when he was through a breakup. That’s hard for me and sometimes I feel really insecure. But trying to figure out why I can’t trust a guy who I saw being faithful to his last parnter, I came to realize that maybe I think he still loves his ex because I still have feelings for my kinda sorta ex.

By the way, I lost my father when I was very little, so I couldn’t understand that he wouldn’t ever come back. I see that me wanting my ex crush back might relate to me waiting for my father to come back as a child. But an interesting point is that my interaction with these two guys is almost the same, cause both of them are introverts and autistic. And the guilt my ex crush had for his ex girlfriend made me feel really insecure at times, just as my current partner’s past relationship does…

I’ve been very anxious lately, I’ve been starting fights out of nowhere, but I really have feelings for this new guy. And I wouldn’t have started anything with him if I wasn’t determined not to give the other guy another chance. I gave him a lot of chances, I waited for him for two years and I am certain that I don’t want someone with such an intrusive family and with the kind of sister issues that make him want to be awake at 3 in the morning just to talk to his sis who lives far far away. But I just can’t stop wondering and trying to know how he’s doing.

Maybe I’m just bored in my new relationship, cause sometimes he doesn’t give me all the attention I need. But the other guy also didn’t, so… I just don’t know what’s happening and why I feel so insecure of my current partner.

Any piece of advice will be much appreciated.