Hi Helen,

I can absolutely relate to what you are experiencing. I am nearing 30 and since graduating college did the standard thing and got a “real job” to pay the bills. I tried to start my own creative endeavor after graduating, hoping that would take off and I wouldn’t have to get a “real job,” but life hit and I had to suck it up and went to work for a very prominent manufacturing company doing media relations for almost 5 years. Here’s a tip-off that this was a terrible move. I am creative, an empath, introvert, animal/nature/environment lover and despise inauthenticity–my job required me to pretend to be really enthusiastic about things I really couldn’t care less about and pretend to be really outgoing and gregarious and try and pitch story ideas to reporters. I gave up who I was and became completely lost during some of the most formative years of my life. I knew I was unhappy because of work but my husband tried to remind me to be grateful that I had such a good paying job and encouraged me to pursue hobbies outside of work to keep my cool, but when you’re so miserable you can’t find joy in much of anything. This manifested as anger and depression over the years but last summer it all came to a head. I started having daily panic attacks at the office and felt like I was literally losing my mind/dying. At first I thought I just needed a change of scenery so I ended up leaving for a similar position at a different company, but the anxiety and physical symptoms of chest pain, dizziness and fatigue only worsened. It was only two weeks into that new job that I snapped and quit. I was on the express train to a psychiatric ward and that wasn’t worth $50K a year to me.

Granted, I have been extremely fortunate to have my husband be so supportive (both emotionally and financially) during this extremely challenging transition, though it took awhile for him to get to this point–he’s never seen me happier, so the lower income has been a fair trade for us both. I have worked odd jobs here and there, went back to work in retail nearly full time and found the structure and demands of that suffocating as well, so that didn’t last long. I have gone from a little Uber driving to cleaning houses to doing some freelance writing. I have also been tempted to go back into the corporate world because of the financial strain, but I feel you–it’s a terrifying thought jumping back into that cycle that you know in your bones doesn’t support who you truly are. What I’ve learned is there are ways to make ends meet that don’t involve going back to an environment that causes you more harm than good. They may be very brief, such as my retail stint, but they give you what you need for the time they’re needed. Nothing is permanent, you can always leave if something isn’t the right fit for you. I love Ashley’s advice: set yourself a timeline, make goals for yourself. And don’t let go of your music while you’re planning your next steps. The uncertainty can be terrifying, but it will absolutely pay off if you just stay true to yourself.

Best of luck, Helen. Always have faith in yourself and your dreams.

Alison