Okay. Thank you for your time.

Hi. I want to share an experience that I had was either 14 or 15. Family background first- my parents

divorced when I was 5. They stayed in contact never had a physically abusive relationship. They were on again off again for years. I have a brother who is seven years older than me. I remember him talking about sex and I even remember watching him sex when I was 12 but he didn’t know I was watching. I also remember me and a friend had sexual contact from the ages of 6-14(he was 1 year younger). We would perform oral sex on each other. I know we both wanted to do it. No one forced anything. If we didn’t feel like it we wouldn’t do it. I have no idea who first started that. I almost think it was me who started in the beginning which makes me question if I was abused when I was younger than 6. 

That stopped because it was like we both matured and suddenly realized we shouldn’t be doing it. We’ve not talked about it since. (I am now 22) the incident I am concerned of is this – when I was 14-15 don’t remember which one, my nephew was just put down for a nap (I think he was 2 or 3) I remember laying down with him and sticking my hand down his pants and touching his anus. I never penetrated or tried to. I only remember it lasting a few minutes and it never happened again. (I should add I’m a bisexual male)

I didn’t think about it until age 18. The guilt and memory hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately started obsessing what I had done and panicking about it. I felt the need to confess so I told my fiancé, mom, and Mamaw. All three assured me that it was just an experiment and although it was not okay there’s nothing wrong with me. (My Mamaw and mom were both abused sexually in their early years)

I have pretty good days for the most part. Some days I think about it too much and panic. I guess I’m just seeking some guidance on how to forgive myself. And what is someone else’s opinion on what I done? (I’m a Christian I have worked a job since I was 16, I love my family, I love helping people, and I love my niece and nephews with all of my heart) 

Thank you to anyone who responds! 

Hi is this post still active? Anyone that can maybe give advice on a situation I’m facing?

Thanks