Thanks for replying Anita… The short answer is yes to those questions…
The friends I made just happened to be elsewhere… But yes visiting and staying free was an outlet to travel.
After being single for 7 years and trying to find meaningful relationships it became evident that most men in my demographic are only dating recreationally and not looking for anything serious. I’ve never really gotten far enough with any particular person to date exclusively.
And job wise, after working for years and recognizing there was little chance for advancement and hating my job over all the performance went downhill… Not deliberately so much but as a result of my depression and inability to see the point of making any effort…
Point being as much effort and good intentions I have had in the past the constant disappointment has lead me to this point.