Hi Maria,

Unfortunately, I had the same problem with my boyfriend a couple of years ago.

From what you said, it is obvious that your ex is experiencing extreme anxiety and stress in his life currently – you had mentioned he was undergoing anxiety regarding his job. Mental illness is often something that isolates us from our loved ones, whether we intend for it to or not. When me and my boyfriend parted ways, it was primarily because he was anxious, depressed, and unhappy with who he was. As a result of such feelings, one usually pushes the ones closest to them away, in order to protect themselves from further damage, or perhaps to protect their loved ones from suffering the same fate. I don’t know if this is the case with your ex, but (and you can read several articles about it online), it is often very common for these type of sufferers to blame others for their feelings – it is simply easier than owning, acknowledging, and sorting through themselves. Lashing out is the short-term coping mechanism that takes the self-hatred off themselves, even if it is for just a millisecond. I guess, The hardest part for us bystanders, is to not take all this personally, and to not let it decrease our self worth.

It can become so easy to investigate ourselves so deeply, to wonder where we went wrong…to constantly go back and forth in our minds, replaying situations, wondering why we didn’t do something differently. This thought pattern is dangerous, and will only negatively impact your future relationships – as you will set on a path of perfection that is both emotionally debilitating and unrealistic.

You may love this man, but if he is sending you on such self questioning – I think it is worth considering letting go. Like the saying goes…

“When someone is drowning, you can try to save them, but not if they’re going to drag you down with them.”