Dear HiCrunchy:

I read this story and  had to stop to think, almost wondering if I wrote it myself. The technicalities of what happened on my journey with my first love is exactly yours word for word, down to the timeline,  the length of the relationship, the begging-blocking. I say technicalities because obviously, I was not in that relationship so I did not have your memories and moments. But I can offer some perspective. Perhaps it’s due to kismet that I chance upon this page.
Letting go is not easy to do. And truth  be told, one must reconcile that there is a part of you that may perhaps never be able to let of go of this man at all.
The silver lining of all that is happening to you is this, that you KNOW now what it means to love someone. You know that what you had was real. And of course while that might bring pain because you are not with this person anymore, you must understand that this is a path on your journey in life.  EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, cliched as that may sound. I like to look at the people who come into our lives and leave it, and the pain that happens to us as goalposts. Goalposts or checkpoint stations  in a marathon, where you might, pick up a bandaid, replenish your energy with a Gatorade or granola bar. And on this marathon of life there is no true destination or finishing line. You must keep chasing it. We are consistently chasing our next station in life. If it didn’t work out, if you are being tested, it is because the Universe, or if you believe, God, has a higher plan for you. I truly do.

Recognize the impermanence of all things—time, life, and love. When you can see this truth, you will be able to realize that you must release yourself from the burden of loss. Live in the NOW. Thank your former lover for the lessons, for showing you what it means to be in love.

We must instead live in the moment while it happens, exist in the present, appreciate the occurrence for what it is, not what it will become.

We cannot choose the pain that happens to us in life. But we can choose whether or not to remain suffering.

I noticed in your writing that you wonder how people are able to meet someone else, or get over the loves of their lives.

Are you trying or thinking of meeting someone new in order to fill a void that is left behind by this man?  Ask yourself this question very honestly.

I fell into that trap myself. Attempting to date for two years, and nothing, no one quite ever matched up. Eventually I realized that I was relying on someone’s love to heal my soul. And so one day I snapped, I picked up my bags, packed hiking gear and went across the country away from the city to the wilderness and mountains of the west, and spent a summer just exploring the beauty and vastness of this world. Eventually it became a journey of self-discovery.

So what is my final point?

You must fill that hole with yourself.  Only you can do this. What brings you joy? What are your goals, your dreams?  Self-love, self-care, self discovery.  Those are things that will heal you. You must be whole to love another. And you must be whole again. And I have faith you will be.

Good luck, and best wishes in life.