Thank you Alpal for your response. It’s silly but I never thought to remake myself into the person i wanted to be, because i couldn’t figure out what kind of person I wanted to be! Does that make sense? Am going to take your advice to heart and yes i am a christian and take that very seriously. I knew you tube had some good stuff but have never thought to look for inspirational videos…thanks, am going to go you tubing now. My friends do see that strong woman that i don’t see so again you are right, she is down there somewhere. You sound just like me when it comes to searching the web so will be off again in search of more. May I ask how long did it take you to become or at least take huge steps in becoming the person you are now. I have such a hard time thinking I deserve it. I did ask a dear friend of mine who I look up to tremendously if she could write for me what she sees in me and she has promised to do that. I am going to take what she writes as a launching pad. Just asking her was difficult and when she responded I just about cried…go figure! How do you get people to hear what you are saying. I swear I can try to have a conversation and it’s like I am not even speaking. It’s mostly with men that this happens with. I want to just shout sometimes so they will listen to what I am saying. It makes me feel stupid like I didn’t explain things right or did I even say anything…grrrr :0) Thank you again for taking the time to help someone you don’t even know….that’s nice :0)