Hi,
Yes I’m very sure there’s no body else. We’ve talked about what we think of cheating when we’ve witnessed it from others before, and we each have had it happened before. We absolutely would never do that to each other.
I have set her free. But she is the one who is not sure if she really wants to go. It makes it very hard to do anything from where I stand. I don’t want any other life, so there’s no reason for me to move on when she can’t tell me for sure.
She doesn’t know if she really even wants women for sure.
I’m not convinced that she’s 100% lesbian either. I mean sure he has an attraction to women, but I don’t believe it’s never been there with me too. I mean you kind of just know when someone’s not into you.
I do think its possible that getting together so young and not really knowing how to be with each other could have had an influence in things too.
I now realize I at times have been hurtful towards her when I would stop talking or get grumpy with her because we weren’t having what I deemed enough sex. It was immature and stupid of me and the more I’ve thought about it the more I hate myself for my behavior.
She agrees that if I knew what I now know and behaved how I do now, we may not be in this position. I think left her with a bad view of male sexuality.
Don’t get me wrong I was not a dominating or chauvinistic male. I was generally very kind to her, mostly patient and cared deeply for her.
I just could have done more to stop her feeling like a failure, or not a good enough wife. It kills me to think that I could have made her time so much better than it already was.
I really believe what we have is not worth throwing away. Not just for me. Not just the kids. But for my wife too. I know I can take an already mostly happy life and turn it into a great one. I know she can see this too. But she says she’s really confused from our long struggle and many conversations we’ve had.
I’m hoping that with time she can get a clearer picture of things and be as to look further into the future and decide if she can see happiness in a life with us four together, or if she see’s a happier life on her own course.
Only time will tell, but it’s the time that’s killing me at the moment…
Thanks.

Hello and thank you both for your thoughts. Macintosh she hasn’t always known, she said she’s always liked boys. I’d asked her earlier in our relationship if she had any curiosities. She said no way, that she wouldn’t know what to do a woman! It’s all just new to her, she says she not definite. More that if she thinks about it a lot if it makes sense as to why she finds things difficult. She thinks that the love she felt for me was what want and desire was, because she hadn’t known it before. But she can’t rule out it being another reason either.
Matt I do hold what she wants and needs in great importance. I have asked her a lot about what she wants. It is incredibly hard for me to let go of my need for her partnership and her intimacy. But it is just as difficult for her to let go of our love too. She says she definitely doesn’t want us to end and really wants to find a way for us to work. She also does not want to loose what we have. Especially as she says when she’s not totally sure of her desires for women. She would not want to ruin everything ifs she’s wrong.
Look in my heart I will do what ever she needs of me. I will let her go if that’s what’s needed. I will stay by her side and support her, if that’s what she needs. I want her to really know what ‘makes her sing’ as you said. I know I must do what I must do. I know I’m going to need to find a even more personal strength in myself too. We’re have talked and we are both committed to be great friends and parents and that won’t change.

It’s so very hard to have everything we want seem so close yet so far. Thank you both very much for your compassion and thoughts on our situation