I was sitting home dealing with misery a d addiction much like yourself when I stumbled across your post… So I joined the site and here I am. My addiction is a different substance but addiction is addiction. It all starts in the mind. I’m not saying you aren’t physically addicted because clearly you are (I get that) but the road to and from substance abuse starts in the mind. Not going to lie, the withdrawal period is gonna suck but it will end. If you keep continuing the way you are it’s never going to end and it’s going to get worse. This may sound hokie and completely ridiculous but try some AA meetings. Om not an alcoholic, im a drug addict. They’re free, they’re all over the place and anonymous. Go to as many as you can and eventually you’ll find a group you click with and that’s what it’s all about. I don’t know if you’re religious (I’m an atheist) AA will talk about “god” or a “higher power” don’t get too caught up in that if you’re not religious. That sort of thing offended me for a long time and still kinda does. The program has helped me and it can help you too. I’m not really one to talk because I’m a chronic relapser. I’ve been going for about 8 months now and I’ve never been able to get a run of sobriety of more than about 45 days but things are not as bad as they were and I’ve been doing drugs longer than you’ve been alive. At the very least it’s a safe place to talk, the people will not judge you, they will understand and guarantee you that you will be welcomed with open arms. Think about it, it’s a place to start. Ya gotta start the change somewhere, somehow or the pain and suffering won’t ever stop.