Rachel,

It looks like Anita is giving you some great advice. I wanted to take a second to add a few thoughts nonetheless.

The first thing that hit me about your story is you mentioned your are an “introverted and guarded personality.” I can relate to that. When we make a strong connection, we have a tendency to experience higher highs and lower lows. We become involved in situations that may not be the best, stay in them longer than we should and are hit extremely hard by a loss. What do you feel is completely normal.

The other thing that struck me is you mentioned you made yourself busy. Remember there is a huge difference between dealing with the problem as opposed to staying busy and avoiding the problem.

The time of year could be another factor. Regardless of the country you live in or your religious beliefs, the holiday season can be difficult for many people. Amplified feelings of loss this time of year is something that transcends nationality or religion.

My suggestions:

1. Recognize your own value. Part of the problem can be that we look to a relationship to complete ourselves. We sell ourselves short and forget what we are worth. Take a minute to write down five good qualities you have. Focus on what you have, not the loss.

2. With a new or short-lived relationship it is easy to emphasize the positives and overlook the negatives. The initial infatuation blocks our ability to see the big picture. I would never ask you to think negatively about a friend but to be realistic about the long-term prospects. Sometimes we forget there can be a silver lining. In other words, when one door closes, another opens.

3. Sometimes staying in contact may make things more difficult. This is magnified by the greater degree of loss we feel. Trying to turn your emotions on and off like a switch is not realistic for most people. Hope comes and goes with each meeting, phone call, text message, etc. It would be good to consider whether remaining in contact causes you more harm than good.

4. Finally, outside help can be useful. This website is a great resource but also professional assistance for a short time can help to get you back on track.

Hang in there, it is not a fun time but you will get through it.

Brandon