Hi Lauren,

I definitely know what you are going through. I was exactly the same way through high school and didn’t have my first relationship until my 3rd year of college. I was bitter at my friends that were in relationships and I just felt I was too awkward and not good enough for a relationship even though all I wanted was a relationship.

The biggest thing that helped me was to focus on myself. I realized that I didn’t like the person I was and if I didn’t like myself, why would anyone else like me. I had to really take the time to be in the present and be grateful for what I had. I was always looking towards the future and was wasting my life by being frustrated by not having the things I wanted. I had to find things in my life that excited me and find something I was passionate about. For me at that time it was music. It was an outlet for my creativity and as I learned how to play guitar it was also an emotional outlet. After a couple of months of practice I started building up my self confidence which filtered into other aspects of my life.

Beyond just having a creative outlet, another big thing that helped me move forward was learning how to be grateful. At first there was just a feeling of bitterness when someone told me to be grateful for what I had because there are so many people in worse situations. Then one day a friend mentioned to me, do you have someone or something that you truly love. If you do, you can use that to help you feel gratitude for all things. For example, I think about something I love, usually my two dogs. When I think about them, there is a feeling that I get within my body. I then take a moment to really feel that sensation and be grateful for that sensation. At that point I write a list of 10 things I’m grateful for. Sometimes I even list things that are currently bothering me. I then go through each item on my list and try to feel that same level of gratitude for that item just like I do with my dogs.

The first couple of days might be a little difficult to really feel gratitude for each item on the list but if you keep doing it everyday you will notice a shift in your attitude which will change your interactions with others that can lead to a happy and healthy relationship.

At this point I’m just rambling but hopefully something I said helps.