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J

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  • March 6, 2017 at 1:44 pm #136249
    J
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I see what you’re saying. It’s difficult for me to muster up the motivation to change my way of thinking because I’ve never experienced anything otherwise.

    I know as a kid I felt adequate. It was really up until 13/14 years old that it started to hit me that I wasn’t, or rather, that I felt I wasn’t. But that childhood feeling is like a distant memory and I don’t know how to get back there. I’m 27 years old now so I’ve been stuck in this mindset for well over 10 years.

    The question is, how do I become motivated again? After all these years, how do I get back into that mindset I had when I was a child? When I felt good enough, adequate, and life was fun and vibrant?

    I know that’s not exactly a question for you to answer because it has to be coming from me, but I am really at a loss. And all your input so far has been most helpful.

    J

    March 6, 2017 at 12:35 pm #136221
    J
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply anita,

    A part of me knows that it was never about me, but another part of me is still holding onto that belief that I really am not good enough.

    I recently picked up meditation a couple of months ago, and it has helped me be present and by being present I am able to let go of the past and the past hurt and false beliefs. But there’s this weird “comfort” of staying where I am mentally (even though it is severely messed up) and I think perhaps that’s also why I end up failing every time I try to pick myself up. I think it’s become so familiar to me–this feeling of inadequacy and need to escape–that now I can’t imagine NOT thinking this way, I don’t even know what that would be like. But I want to and I need to get out of this mental negativity. I read somewhere that bad habits are like a warm bed, that they are easy to slip back into but hard to get out of, and I feel like this need to escape and feeling of inadequacy are a lot like a bad habit.

    I don’t know how to pull myself out.

    And thank you again for your replies. They have really been incredibly insightful and helpful.

    J

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by J.
    March 6, 2017 at 10:17 am #136167
    J
    Participant

    Thank you anita, that was very insightful. I actually never made the connection that every day is a struggle BECAUSE I have this thought that I’m not good enough. I just assumed I found life in general to be really boring and mundane and felt like I was dragging myself through it.

    I’ve tried examining this belief before. I think it stemmed from childhood. I remember coming home one day in 2nd grade and I got just a 97 on a test and my father was upset that I didn’t get 100. I remember when I was around 14 or 15 i tried losing weight and succeeded, only to have a family member tell me that no matter how much weight I lost I would never be as pretty as my classmate. I think somewhere along the way I internalized these beliefs and I even though I know better now it’s so difficult for me to shake. I don’t know why I can’t shake that feeling that I really am not good enough.

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