Dear Blessing,
I am sorry to know about your suffering. I can understand how it feels, we all have our shares to deal with in life. We all have to go through one or the other tests in life. Such is life, I have had my own share of suffering, but i still believe in GOD. Nobody was there with me, I dealt with it on my own, but in one or the other form GOD sent someone to prove that he is there, I am being looked after. No matter I am attached to my mother and father, I suffered because of their too much for my elder brother, but that’s fine. They were bound to do their karma. My belief is our 99% of misery is because we are busy thinking about other’s deeds and others karmas. And thats the reason for our pain. I know this sounds bit saint. But it makes the journey easier. We have our karmic baggage which we have to get over in this life. This is going to be my 3rd abortion, reason for that, I am not prepared, I do not want to bring any new life into this planet till I am fully prepared for it, to take additional responsibility. do not want to repeat the same what my parents did. But I believe who so ever is destined to take a birth, will come to this world no matter what. God has its own way of doing things, and he finds his own way.
I know life is like that, we have challenges to deal with but that’s how it is. No one knows why is like that, we just have to live our share of life, with all the good deeds. God is like an accountant, he keeps a balance sheet and according to our deeds and actions he does the accounting. Anyways too much of GOD. I used to do prayers and these days, ever since I have got job it has been reduced alot , infact reduced to almost zero. I feel like doing but life here keeps you busy. We are in melbourne.
Life is like that, I have had a tough journey too before marriage, but that’s how it was planned, I did my share of job, that’s how it is. I know its tough to understand sometimes or quite often I also give up because I cannot bear such stupid things. I keep finding reasons. I sometimes curse GOD as well, because he is the only one, who has seen the real side of me. REAL ME, atleast he is the only who can read my conscious. He should not let me suffer like that. But All i know we cannot describe life…

Coming back to my health, I am taking the appointment for next Wednesday, hope all goes well. I will take 2-3 days off to deal with it. And i will be going for medical one, I hate surgeries and moreover the medical one is quite a natural one.

I am looking forward to hear from you.
my email is : divineshweta3@gmail.com

Thanks Blessing

Hey Dear Blessing,

your message always brings smile on my face. Thank you for being there.. Far away from me, yet so close. I am sure I will be cautious. Its very complicated here, you get to wait a lot for your appointments and all. And I really wanna get over with this before it touches the 6 week period because the SAC gets a heart beat and I wanna avoid that feeling. Yes, I am thinking of the pill one, my previous had been with the pills only. Though they are much more painful than the surgical one but do not want to think about Surgical one, I can bear the pain that is not a problem. That’s how life has been, keep throwing challenges. Do not know if that is destined or not, probably I am altering it , God wanted the other way and I am going against that. And I would have my own share of pain and suffering. Do now know really, what this life is all about, what are we destined for? I really have no clue. Sometimes, I think what am i doing here. Why dont you believe in this that everything happens for a reason, I have grown up with this strong belief, that everything happens for a reason and for a season. Yeah, that;s true, its a GOD’s plan, purely statistics, but that’s how he has planned and probably yes he has a reason for all these things.
Oh last night even I was being pampered my husband made dinner for me, yummy pasta… I have got the same for my lunch 😀
Looking for happiness in small things, and appreciating things.
I love TEA…. the masala tea 😉
I love sharing things with you.. Do you have kids?
How long have you been married?
What do you do the whole day?
You are already there for me, call it a blessing or an Angel.

Good night Blessing

I will look forward to hear from you.
Thanks for being there blessing.

Good morning Anita,

I had been to Doctor, and the result is …..
Do not know, i have decided already not to go ahead, this is going to be my 3rd … But you know what deep inside i have a voice which says I should, i Must but the problem is my job.- the commitment at work 🙁
I can make my relation stronger with that new bond, but I know practically I cannot afford that. Because we can survive with this job without job it would not be possible.

Anyways I do not have much to write, probably I will wait for you to open up if not today may be whenever you feel like.
Yeah I will read again our conversation and I know what the problem is? And I am very determined, I will work on that soon.

Lets see how life moves, What else am I destined for? Lets take it. Let’s face the fear and embrace it.
Thanks for being there. I still have a reason to come online everyday to write a message to you.

Anyways take good care of yourself.
One more thing, what is your zodiac sign? I am virgo 🙂 do you believe in star signs?

Thanks Anita
Stay Blessed

Hi,

Good morning, I have got nothing to say on this Anita, I do not know why are you feeling that way. It was your decision to help people and again its your decision not to help people. Do what makes you feel good. is that helping people or not? You have to do your karma. You do not have to consider other’s karmas else you will never be able to settle down.
Anyways thank you for helping me, thanks for writing back. weekend was okay, nothing great, usual fights, fears, and good times.. So it was okay. What else should I write, I do not even feel like expressing after reading your last post…
Because you think you are preaching or teaching, and which is not helping anyone. So I do not want to make it like one sided conversation. I felt nice, that alteast I have someone who can answer why do I feel that way, or anyways.
Thank you for helping me, guiding me. Thanks for being there.

How are things at your end and how was your weekend?

Thanks
I will continue to look forward to your replies.

Take care

Hey Blessing

Why do you say like that? You are helping people n nothing is more better than helping people. We all are living a pseudo life here. Anyways I do not have much to write today. Hope you are having a nice weekend. Take good care of yourself

Dear Blessing, yeah i do not mind sharing the email address but yeah the same thought the wrong ones may not get it. I would love to share my email address with you.
Now coming to you- the coffee incidence, I am also like that, I cannot say I was like that because that would be too early to call it “I WAS” but yeah the reason for me not reacting now too much on such petty issues is my job and less amount of time with eachother and I have realized we used to fight over such small things earlier, and I had ample of time to make up to make him understand, now we hardly have time. And after the fight i do not feel good, uncomfortable and then spendin hours or days without resolving or with frictions because of less amount of time. I cannot afford that. and its not a new country for my husband he has been here from last 8 years, its new for me, because I have got married and migrated here.
And he is a confident man, I do not feel man feels insecure or they have some sort of fear. only females are too emotional or emotion driven human being thats why they tend to have that feeling of losing and all.
But I am really feeling nice and good, since a week when I have realized that the fights only bring friction and bitterness, just a matured step of handling the matter and issues can save a lot, can save your time, energy and you can have more good and lovely time together…
We can share emails but should I leave my email address here.

Take care of yourself blessing. I feel its all about the positive feeling, and feel good factor. There are things which do hurt me now, but they do not to that a big extent, i still take it in a positive way, because I cannot afford to fight with him, I do not want to waste a day or so. There are ways of communicating your message, you just need to know the right approach. Hope I continue to be like this. Thank you Anita.

Hope all is well with you, how are you feeling today?
Take good care of yourself.

I am looking forward to hear from you

Dear Blessing, Good morning.
How are you today? How was the last evening?
yeah, I like this… I know its bit tough, but I m sure not tougher than thinking and feeling unimportant. I don’t like the kind of state I was into. Mind is all the time running and getting nothing out of it. So its better to relax and feel easy, things are not that big, but the way we perceive them makes it bigger. Like today when I was getting into the car, my husband was coming to drop me, the moment i was just getting into the car, he started I do not know he did intentionally to hurt me or what, but he didnt even apologize there after. I felt bad, i remain quiet for sometime, but he initiated conversation, small small questions, he actually wanted to know that again I might have made a face, or reacted to this and not gonna answer him well. initially i felt bad about his behaviour but then I realized if I continue to show this attitude, he will turn off soon and then I wont have time and energy to make him understand and later on ending up apologizing that it was my fault so I gave up. And forgot instantly what happened and started talking to him.
Like we do not have same working hours, and day before yesterday he said that we do not get to spend much time together, on wednesday we will have lunch together. I will come to your office, and now I know he just says things for the heck of saying, he forgets completely after that. So as usual, last night when I was preparing for my lunch for wednesday, I knew he would not remember that, so I made my lunch, because If i say something or express or ask for something I think he takes it in different way, or probably he does not like it. So i ignored that, thought of not bringing to his notice, but I mentioned todday at bed tea that glad i have made lunch , so told him that you said we will have lunch together. He said so what big deal I can come and we can have lunch together. I said na thats fine, because he has one exam to appear for on this coming friday. I told him do not waste your time, as every hour is precious to you, so spend it wisely by studying.
So I have started taking things in a positive way, these are minute things and I know they save alot of time and energy and in return you get a healthy relationship. Thats what I am looking for.
Controlling my mind and working on that. Trying to spend and talk to my friends, spending alone time with myself, yesterday I meditated for about half an hour. My monthly cycle has delayed this time, hope nothing that sorts. Crossing my fingers for that, will get the tests done hopefully this weekend. I do not want that now, I have already had one abortion that just right after my marriage, just a month later and second was a miscarriage 4 months back.
Anyways “Feeling better, Getting Better and Staying better” — Thats the motto.

Looking forward to hear from you

thanks for being there blessing.
Stay blessed
Take good care of yourself.

Dear Blessing,

Not its not really the case, If I agree to go ahead then I drop things there only, because I cannot put up a fake face and still smiling, if I am hurt, I am simply hurt, I cannot put up faces, irrespective of the fact if we have to go somewhere and we just had a fight, until unless we do not resolve, I cannot be not be normal until unless I speak and discuss. Now the silence is due to “tiredness” Enough of fights, now its more or less the acceptance. What should I do, he himself while shopping said, when I was after him to buy something for himself and he said no I do not want that and he said why are u after me for buying something, I dont want to. Then i said fine, in a humurous way, I said dare you buy something now. And he smiled and said , you know we have reached the stage in marriage, where you ask me to do something I do no do it, and when you dont I feel like asking you. And I smiled back at him and said, yes darling I know that. And moreover we hardly have time now, when I finish my job, he starts his job. I feel exhausted and drained, due to this over thinking. ANd I have almost forgotten to live my own life, to care for my own happiness, busy thinking about whom is he chatting with, is he still watching porn, does he still delete his messages, They are baseless. As i said fear is the illusion, i know they are there, I mean i feel insecure, its solely not my problem, he is involved too in this in making me feel like, he is responsible too in making me feel that way. But LOVE is something I can see in his eyes, probably we miss out in recognizing because of the human tendency, they do not thank what they have, they crib on what they do not get. For this entire week, till thursday he is starting his shift when I am finishing mine, so we just do not have time, and consciously I am not fighting, he wanted to shop fine, then I wanted to buy something for myself, thats altogether different thing that how much we spent on ourselves. And that’s fine, honestly cannot fight over such things, even yesterday he missed on texting me, I cannot force someone to remember me or moreover cannot force him to do that. Its alright, the best is to accept what you have in your lot. If I continue to keep finding problems in everything, this will become my habit sooner or later.. I want to be happy, I do not want to think and keep thinking and then to deal with this hormonal imbalance. See once of his friend(married though) has recently moved to this country and sunday night she sent him a text asking for his number on FB. and he I was with him, and he told me abut her that she has moved here with her husband and asking for my number, should we help them. I said yeah fine go ahead, but he did not reply to her at that moment, or can say probably not in front of me.. Anyways I feel female thinks alot, he must not have any such intention but I am just telling you how I took that , how I respond to that situation because normally I used to just lose control on myself and on my behaviour. Anyways and last night when he was on his break in between his shift, he called me to ask how is it going at home, and all. So he told me, his friend called and I said which one, he said the one asking for number, I asked oh you have given her the number he said yes. I said okay. He said she is looking for a job and all that. He started telling me what conversation they had and after that I spoke nicely and said fine, will make the dinner for you and you can help yourself once you come back home. Thats hwo we ended all politely, else I do not normally have control on myself, had it been earlier I would have then and there mentioned why didnt you reply to her when we were together. But I did not because I knew he would have taken that in a different way, if he wants the manipulated ME then thats fine. He cannot take it on face, thats alright. I stay calm and said you can invite them for dinner. He said yeah I have already asked them to come over. Anyways the reason for telling you is this that ” I am controling myself, I do not want to be spontaneous, when I was not working, I had so much time to make up for hte things, I could have asked anything anytime, Now I have realized if i continue to have that attitude, things hurt too much probably because deep inside he also knows we have less time for eachother and its a kind of irritating for him too. and boy’s do not normally express. And if i continue to express the way I used to, then things are different now, because we do not have much time, and in this senstive time, things hurt both of us too quickly, or you can say instantly and then we take our own time to make up. earlier we used to resolve instantly. So I have given up and more of it I have accepted. I might bring this thing sometime later that why couldnt you reply in front of me, or may be it is not of that importance, that’s fine. When the similar thing happens to him , he would then realize. I am not saying that intentionally I am gonna do tit for tat. But I need to find out the ways to communicate. And also I need to look for the ways to have this relation in my life, not to do certain stupid things. And I am trying to give my shot.. And sometimes, there are things which are meant to happen. Destiny has decided to keep us together, then I should work towards making it more stronger, rather than destroying it.
Rest, I am exhausted also because of running after petty thoughts. I just wanna be ME. If I deserve to be loved, I will be loved and respected no matter what.
Just because of the things hardwired in childhood, does not mean the present has to face the repecussion of that. Life is all about mind-set, you need to set your mind right, and follow your heart, it will hopefully never be wrong. Align your heart with your mind 😀 😉

Thanks for being there Anita. I love you blessing.
How was your Sunday. I would love to hear your experiences on that!!!

Looking forward to your reply.

Love you blessing.