Hi Anita, I like this thread and its gentle message. I really enjoyed Seaisland’s poem and Marie’s contribution which have given me a new insight into my own problems.
My relationship with my mother was poor, When she died a few months back I hadn’t spoken to her in 25 years. I thought I had dealt with the issues, but all of the well-meant messages of condolence describing what a lovely person she was, hurt me more than I could ever have imagined. I fel as though this invalidated the years of abuse and betrayl I suffered. To see my mother as not a bad person, but just a bad person for ME, is both liberating and painful and will require further reflection in the weeks ahead. Thank you for getting me started.
Now to share a technique I have found helpful. I sometimes visualise myself as a set of Russian dolls with the little tiny child in the centre surrounded and cared for by my older child & adult selves. Sometimes we walk had in hand enjoying the wind in our hair or dance in a circle. But sometimes we nest inside each other for peace and protection.
When a child has not been protected as she ought to have been, she develops ways of dealing with the world to protect herself. For me this might involve distancing myself from people in order to avoid being hurt, for example. My older selves need to remind my younger selves that we do not need to be afraid any more. We are all safe now. I try to repeat this message frequently. It used to be a message that we desperately needed to hear, nowadays we just enjoy sharing the feeling. I guess that is progress.