Lol okay Anita I will answer these questions but I’m going to be pulling out the soap box for these answers =)

1. My tolerance started at the age of 21 when my mother passed away from cancer. With her passing my family basically imploded in on its self. She was the glue that kept it all together and when she left there was nothing to keep it together. I was seeing someone at the time and she was part African American and Mexican. I come from a traditional Polish / Catholic family.

Racism is quite prevalent, You don’t mix blood. Long story short her illness took 4 years of fighting and battling before it took her life. It was hard on us all but even harder for her because she was no longer fighting for herself but for us and the family. On her death bed she had managed to write me a small letter just before she passed. In this letter she asked me to stay together as a family, to do my best to stick together and help each other. She also managed to write that she was happy that I was seeing someone but if I brought black blood into the family she would disown me forever.

I tried honoring her wish with the family. It lasted about 6 months after her passing. My grandmother never spoke to my father again after the funeral along with many other things. I could not take the distance and squabbling any longer. I prayed and I told her that I tried to honor her wishes but the others could not. That was the end of my family life. It was my father my brother and me. Brother and father were alcoholics, father calmed the drinking down but started using drugs about a year after her passing. My brother for all I know is still drinking. Have not seen or spoken to him since 1999.

The drugs and COPD finally took my father back in August of 2011. For the record… I do not drink. I will have the occasional beer from time to time and that’s about it. Drugs… Tried a few different things in my youth but never liked the feeling of not being in control. Haven’t touched a drug since the age of 18 or 19

2. I was treated very well by my parents. There were no games and lies from either of them. They had a rough life it was not the Brady bunch by any means. Both parents were strict and disciplined minded. I was thought respect honor and love by them both. My father was a alcoholic and there were many fights and arguments because of it. My father never hit my mother through any of it. They were married 27 years and the only thing that separated them was her death.

Through out all those years I was there I learned from them that you face your problems and do your best to deal with them. She never left him and he never left her. In this day and age everyone seems to want to walk away from problems and find someone else to replace those problems. There is no more working on anything as far as I am concerned and from what I have experienced. Hence my it’s no longer “Until Death Do Us Part” now it has become “Until something else better comes along.” Why work at it when you can just replace it.

I wouldn’t say I had a perfect childhood but I do not blame my childhood or parents for anything. In fact I am very proud to be who I am and the lessons and love that they both taught and showed me.

Hope this was a good answer for you.

Mike

Yes I agree. Sadly what was once right has now become wrong and the new right is wrong. I am sure we both could sit here for hours and days about this topic. Sadly it is nothing more than venting. It won’t change or fix the problem because as you said it has now become the norm now.

On another note I am glad that you have found a certain sense of understanding now with your life and feelings. I am sure it has not been a easy road to navigate and I admire you for persevering and continuing to try! I wish you nothing but the best and with each day that passes it becomes easier and clearer for you.

Mike

Good morning Anita,

I was not convicted or charged in the theft. However once you are fired for theft your name is placed in a database that is shared by retailers. Once your name is on that list it is save to say you are done in retail for the next 7 years regardless of circumstances.

It is a long story but prior to my being fired I actually resigned. I still have the letter of resignation that was sent to my district manager. My last day I was offered to go to another store. Prior to my finding out the offer is when I decided to take the item. I am not justifying my actions by any means with this next statement. I had done numerous transfers for the company which I was never paid for.

I could have been paid for the mileage but did not want to go through 4 forms of documentation, signatures, DNA samples and the rest only to have to wait 2 to 3 weeks if I was lucky to be reimbursed. It’s funny how they trust you to take the merchandise deliver it and so on but getting paid for it takes a few weeks to get it back. This was the first company I have ever had problems with for being reimbursed for mileage. In all honesty I could have taken a few more items and would have broke even.

Rage, anger, confusion, stress and aggravation took over and I got stupid plain and simple. I should have left when I sent the letter of resignation and been done with it not to mention not having to worry about my next line of work.

As far as to what I am thinking of doing? Honestly I have no idea. I have never felt so drained, embarrassed and empty in my life. There are things I can do I suppose but I have no want or desire to do so. In many ways I have come to a point where I no longer care. I have fallen pretty deep so far but I haven’t hit bottom yet… 2 weeks or less and I will have hit bottom.

I am a very proud person. I am staying with a friend now but hate every minute being there. I don’t feel it is right that some one should have to take care of me when I should be doing it myself. I have lost a couple of friends because of this for not accepting help from them. That is a whole other story though but before things went south I was reminded how I have done nothing but refuse the help that has been offered by them, how I refuse to help myself and how I should not blame others or circumstances surrounding others on my situation… That’s what honesty got me and speaking for the moment.

Living wise… Please don’t laugh but I am honestly thinking of just going my own way and see what happens. I guess you could say a bum of sorts but I assure you I am far to proud to beg, my stealing days are over and I honestly don’t wish to be around people any longer.

Though I am not properly educated I am smart enough to take care of myself and provide for myself. I have honestly been contemplating going down to Arizona and make a living for my self alone for a while. Maybe the time soul searching will help then again it might not. Won’t know unless I take that chance. We will see what happens.
If I suddenly disappear you know where I am and the choice I made.

Mike