Hi Hopeful 1980

I know this is an old post. I hope looking back you can now realize you did the right thing.

I dated an addict – illegal drugs. We are both older and he hid it from me for a very longest time. When I discovered what was happening – and that he had lied to me – I immediately dumped him (mainly for lying).

Some months later he started texting me again, saying he was trying to change, etc. I was naive and believed him.

However he never changed (during the time we were together at least) and continued with erratic contact. We live in the same town.

Eventually I threw in the towel. He also was quick to move on and blamed me for being disrespectful.

If the person is not nearby and actively involved with you and a program of rehabilitation, there truly is nothing you can do. Their behavior will be whatever suits them. It’s not like a normal loving relationship.

This was my very first encounter in a long term relationship with an active user. I did not see the signs. When I did, I suggested he go to the Dr. for a checkup.

He said he wanted to change but he never did anything about it. I ended up hurt and confused. He kept going, living it up without me.

People who keep secrets – of any kind – are not a good bet for a relationship. It is easy to get involved with an alcoholic or drug user when you have no previous experience.

Now that you know, I hope you have made peace with yourself. Not your fault that the man swept you off your feet. A dream come true.

When it happens, there will be no ghosting, long unexplained absences, etc. Protect your heart and be mindful of the words and deeds of a perspective partner.

Does he do what he says he will? Are you relaxed and comfortable around him? Can he easily be reached? Know where he lives and works? Would you invite his friends into your home?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, think very hard. Drinkers and drug users may speak about altruistic things, but often their behavior does not follow.

If the person is not making a serious and active effort to “sober up” and be honest and available to you – there is no relationship.

Hopeful 1980, I hope you are still hopeful and eyes wide open for good things only in your future.