Yeah I am ok..just hurt and sad for a while. I did let go and wish him well and hoped he would be happy etc…though he might still deeply irritate me.

It will take a little while but I will forget.

Yeah I know, I totally agree with you Lostabroad. I wish I had done it sooner, I only just came to my senses. I can’t believe I did all that for nothing, just screwed myself up. Crazy how the mind works sometimes.

Hi there Yawlie, yes I think the main point here was that I was chasing him, and it was getting nowhere. You are right I need to get on with my life, and open myself up to more mature and open love, more real love, not someone keeping me in the same place. I don’t know why I let it get to me so much.

I suppose yes messaging that person all the time…made the feelings more, and made it worse for me..though I just wanted to resolve it. It probably pushed him away more. I did try talking to him in person, but he would act like there was nothing to talk about, and that I was nagging him. It wasn’t a pleasant experience…really horrible. I wanted to resolve this hurt, and be rejected in a sense so I could move on. No one really wants rejection, but sometimes we have to face it. I was rejected by someone else at the hostel, and it was hard. The boys kept talking about how to ‘get a woman’ and it made me uncomfortable because obviously…I wanted this guy. I was insecure and foolish and told him, and I was rejected. He wanted to be friends, but actually I needed space. Eventually we had a fight about it, though eventually we made up.

Yes I am 27.

Who knows why this person never resolved my feelings, I should have moved on, and perhaps it was just too tough, too hard. I shouldn’t have let it consume me or waste anytime on it, because perhaps he didn’t even care that much to begin with and never saw fit to respect my feelings and give me closure. He probably didn’t have the maturity to do that, before I ended up messaging him to death. I guess it is hard when we invest in people to accept that they are going to disappoint us. I guess I am chasing the idea in my mind, of this person, not the reality anymore.

I am just beating myself up…it wasn’t all my fault by a long way…though I am the only person I can control.