Hello,

I am definitely in this boat. I have learned a couple things though in the process of losing a great love and friend. I stress “Friend” because this woman became my close friend too and that in itself creates a combo-problem.

When we doom ourselves by saying “I will never get over it,” maybe this screws us by locking in the state of mind? The thoughts can feel very uncontrollable. We feel chased by them and become a victim of our own minds. Therapists and family have both told me that I am in control of the thoughts. Sometimes I just cant get a hold of this concept. I have dreams about her, I see reminders all the time, I make connections. It feels very automatic and not controllable.

Though, it is better to fill your mind with new memories and activities, it will at least help to bury it down. I know, it does resurface. Some days are better than others, maybe your days are consistently awful. I manage to have good days, sometimes. I have bad weeks, bad streaks of days. Of course, we will never forget the person. We will wish it worked out, or maybe we wont? Maybe there is a person who is that much greater and you will feel relieved to be available and met her. Its all possible but sometimes it is difficult to stay optimistic and positive, especially when you are lonely. The sickness manages to creep in during certain moments.

Sometimes I have these crazy hollywood ideas that are actually-crazy. I wanted to buy a ring for my ex and keep it under glass, awaiting her return. If she didnt return, then it would remain there, locking away any chances of me being with someone else. Kind of like reserving yourself for the rest of your life. I can function just fine in my life, at work, etc, but my love life would be locked away. Do I really want to demolish any chances of meeting another person? I know my ex is “one of a kind” just like everyone in the world. There are not any copies, thats the only one. I struggle with that concept because someone else, also one of a kind, could be out there for me and I for her.

We just have to keep moving in this ocean. We tend to anchor and stop, too tired to sail on, even within a storm.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Anthony.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Anthony.