Hi Anita,

he is currently in South Africa and I am in America. I was meant to go with him, but they shut down the border and wouldn’t let me in. They still won’t let me in, but for almost 2 months now he can come here. He is doing physio to work on his back (he has chronic pain) in South Africa. I asked him to please go sign up and do his physio for 3 weeks and then come.

he took almost 3 weeks to start the physio after I asked him.. 😓 I would be on the first plane available months ago, but his pain is his first priority. Which I understand, and support. But I would hope that he would prioritize my needs and request to do things in a timely manner.

he also still cannot say he chooses me… I can easily say this, but he says he still has things about our relationship he is uncertain about, but that he dosnt want to break up. I feel that at 2 years into it, he should be able to “choose” me. It makes me feel silly and undervalued. I feel that I deserve to be fully loved and chosen.

I think the last paragraph you wrote is highly possible, maybe it’s a little bit of both of us. Maybe my expectations are too high and unrealistic, and maybe he isn’t completely giving what he should.

I am afraid that my internal system telling me to stay or go is off.. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. I feel very unhappy though..