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October 20, 2014 at 1:54 am #66498RoxanneParticipant
I know this post is not knew but I wanted to respond, first with a question: Did this person/journalist you help KNOW you were hoping to get get an intruduction to the editors for credit / paycheck / future work.
I have a friend I had similar exhanges with but I did not expect anything further. No shared credits, etc. I was content to help this person accomplish their task. HOWEVER, if this person KNEW that you were hoping for these things then I too would feel especially betrayed.
The pattern in your life is very similar to the HSP (Highly Sensitive Person / Empath ) People of a caring and empathetic nature can be spotted a mile away and often attract opportunists, manipulators and narciessists. In the Buddhist tradition we try to understand these people with a sense of compassion and a sense of cause and effect. But since we are human I feel we cannot honor the process/lesson if we try to skip the emotional journey and leap right into forgiveness and compassion. Quite frankly I think those are the people who ultimately end up snapping or heavily medicated. — we Must honor the emotional journey and allow our feelings.
But you must also understand that being empathetic is going to bring these types of people into your life. They are (in the kindest term I can come up with) *users*. They may not come with malicious intent. They may tell themselves (and you) how nice you are….doing this for them.
But if you want mutual respect then you need to find a way to assert healthy boundaries. Because you deserve it. — But it’s up to you to set up those red velvet ropes and make it clear that anyone who wants to be an *insider* will be expected to bring a six pack of respect, mutual exchange and empathy.
Doesn’t mean you have to dump these folks from your life. If you assert yourself early/with diplomacy and respect then they will get the message and judging by whether they stick around and tolerate your healthy boundaries, you will know whether they belong in your life.
It has worked for me. And believe me..the relationships get stronger and you get much happier. I wish you luck. -
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