Hello Helcat,

I was thinking about the differences in communication we discussed earlier. There is a special dialect around Ostrava, an industrial town with many mines, foundries… Now it is actually becoming more “green” and unfortunately many industrial businesses there are dying because of European Union’s restrictions. It is quite hard to live there. And people – especially men – from there use a lot of dirty words. I mean really very dirty words. My boyfriend comes from the area and I remember that I was confused by him because of his dialect. I didn’t know what to think about him, if I could trust him… But the truth is that he is very sensitive, attentive and hearty person, which is in sharp contrast with his way of speaking. But he has been living in my area (Bohemia, Ostrava is on the borders of Moravia and Silesia) for about 10 years so his language is now more influenced by locals and it is a bit nicer.😅 And all of his friends are great people, full of love, joy and support. (I don’t know this from Bohemia – people here are more reserved and cold) But when you sit with them at one table and hear the language for hours… Jeez, that’s really “fascinating cultural communication experience”. 😂 It is true that I think that English is quite stingy with dirty words compared to Czech language. That alone probably says a lot about the differences in our cultures. I think the older British generation would die of shame hearing people from Ostrava. But I understand that. It is a bit too much even for me, honestly. 😄

I noticed that you mentioned that you’ve always had a lot of pets. Me, too. I loved rats as a kid. They are so clever. But they live very short. And you are right: “When people cannot be relied upon, the love of an animal is always there.” My mutt was with me during my hardest years (from 14 to 26) and made my suffering so much easier. I’ll never forget her. I still have her on my phone screen.

So, I am happy to read that you have another pet friend who can make your days more joyful. 😊 How is your dog accepting her? It would be a problem for our dog. She is very jealous and protective.

Hello beni,

do you mean the bad part of me or of other people? 🙂

Do you find the video sessions helpful?

“Part of it is trauma creating this reality and the other is choice. Part of it is not being able to ask for it. Maybe I’m abandoning also opportunities in my life out of self manipulation, being ignorant not recognising opportunities.”

Can you be more specific about this, if you want to?

Hello beni,

I am sorry for being late with my replies. I have been a bit busy now before Christmas.

I am still working on self-acceptance. I am getting better and I think that I have already reached a better understanding of myself and others. It is important for me. I got inspiration from Buddhism a lot, so called Zen school of Buddhism especially.

I try to accept myself by remembering that I am a worthy member of humanity in this world. I am a good person, I want to do good and I want me and others be peaceful and happy. I am a very little drop in the ocean but I am fighting for a better world… my good deeds (however small), good thoughts, little smile… all this can help change the world to be a better place. I don’t give up. I keep being a good person. It’s worth it. And then I accept and even like myself…

I am still wroking on my fear of people – it will be a long way to go but one day I will accept even this fear and it will naturally go away from my mind.

I was wondering if you have somebody close who could help you in your life? I find your moments of anxiety very difficult. Is it possible for you to get a help from somebody who knows more how to work with such feelings in your real life?

Hello Helcat,

It is true that it is important to finish the book to get the whole picture. 🙂

Communication is a thing. I believe that it is important to consider many things and there is no universal rule because it is neccessary to be flexible in communication. We should consider the personality traits of the person, his background (experiences with this person, his emotional wounds if he has any…), relationship with the person, but also culture.

I noticed one thing – and it is not criticism or complaining, just a fact. You and Anita, too, very often use words “I am sorry that…” and in my culture this is considered very impolite. But I know that you are from the UK and the US and the cultures are quite different. Your cultures put a lot of emphasis on politeness and correctness. (I remember you mentioned this in my first thread here… that your culture is too polite.) While my culture – Slavs in general actually – hate that. The reason is that they find such expressions, especially when repeated, artificial and fake. And they don’t trust the person. So, being too polite and kind in communication for many people in my culture means that the other side is not honest. I do agree that too much politeness can hinder people from having an open discussion because it can lead to hesitation (“Can I tell him this? Wouldn’t he be offended?” etc.) But again, don’t take my words as criticism. It is not meant like that. It is just very interesting for me. You can see that even culture must be considered when you want to be succesful in communication. (btw feel free to use any words, expressions you want… I am not really offended by “I am sorry that…” because I know you are really honest and sensitive to people’s troubles…) 🙂

We need to learn how to work with the emotions in a healthy way. Suppressing emotions doesn’t help at all. It leads to aggressive behaviour, detachment or even illnesses.

“What makes someone an angry or any kind of person etc?” – I personally think that DNA plays a great role in that, too. I know people who were beaten more than me… and they have no issues. They are actually very strong and stable people. I know them very well. On the other hand, I know people who had a very nice unworried childhood and they seem to be unhappy all the time now when they are adults. I think that it is not only childhood, experiences which influence us… the genes, inborn predispositions play a vital role in how we will be able to deal with emotinal pain. I was born very introverted and sensitive and I have a bit harder time than others… but it is okay. I am glad that there are stronger people and I can learn from them. 🙂

Hello Beni,

I can relate to that very well. I am very introverted and sinsitive which is a cocktail for alienation. I tend to isolate myself, too. I am quite sensitive and I absorb people’s energies, moods. But I have never noticed what you mentioned about the eyes. I personally have the biggest problem with specific people who are loud, overextroverted, drama-creating but also aggressive people. Their energy always overwhelm me… I used to have social phobia. EFT and today Buddhism (meditation, mindfulness, moral codes) helps me a lot.

I have feelings of not fitting in from time to time. But it is quite difficult because at the same time I am satisfied this way. I am a lone wolf. I am used to fight alone and it always worked the best for me.

I am the happiest person just alone. I love nature and animals. From time to time I stil experience uncomfortable feelings when I have to socialize with unknown people or meet complicated personalities. I am working on it and doing much better than a month ago… But I think that deep in my heart I am still looking for reconciliation with these people… that’s probably what my heart needs and I don’t know how to solve it yet. Because it is not that I don’t like people… I need to achieve peace with specific types of people. And I’m trying to do it through my self-acceptance. … I still need a lot of understanding.

“Also suppressing abandonment will wake up self harm.” – Can you explain this, if you want to and you don’t mind writing about it?

Hello Helcat,

can you elaborate on the negative emotions from the book? I believe it is very important to inform others about our emotions because suppressing negative emotions would make us only frustrated and it could lead to arguments and conflicts.