I also wanted to share my associations with the words weakness/strength and success/failure.

My immediate association with the word strength is the word “man”. I think that it is the need for a man protector. It feels good to be protected by a man in this harsh world. It can be, of course, negative, too. When men turn to violence. So, without thinking much, I imagine police, soldiers, knights, … images of protectors.

My immediate association with the word weakness is (unfortunately) tenderness. It is why I probably feel so weak in this world.

And I connect the words success and failure more with personal, spiritual development… for me, being a decent, kind and tender person is in the end success… but it is terribly hard in this world… these are my values, but as you can see I feel in danger being kind and tender (that’s why the need for protectors) because I know that many people can take advantage of me…

It is actually very interesting to think about it and get to know a bit more about me again. Thank you!

📔 It is February 20, 2025, 6:20

I am very disappointed by US-Russia talk on Ukraine. It is very alarming.

I stopped reading media during Covid. It only spreads panic and fear. It is very difficult to find unbiased news. That’s why I stopped reading them. I can’t find objective information in them. Let alone some peace.

I didn’t have facebook, but I created an account a few days ago because somebody told me that I could send some ads for my lessons there. It is not for me. It is too noisy and unfriendly. I remember when I created the account, the whole page was about politics. I deleted the posts, refreshed the page and the same politicians appeared there again. The page let me know that they will send me a notification about elections on my phone. I mustn’t forget to vote them. Jesus, let me live! I feel like the whole party is stalking me. 😅 I don’t like how people tend to behave on facebook, either. People do not discuss, do not support each other, they are just in a constant competitive mood. The only “social media” I find useful is pinterest and this site. The rest is just pain, chaos and disinformation.

Thank you, Anita, for the poem. 🐺 🌺

Thank you, Alessa, too. He is. And I really admire him. His childhood wasn’t good, either. But he didn’t let the pain consume him. I always say that he must be a very old soul, because he’s so wise, always stays on top of things, and never lets bad experience/people affect his good heart. ❤️

I was always wondering HOW. How to cultivate self-compassion in my practical life.

I guess that there is no universal answer to this question. We all have to find our own unique way to self-compassion.

Internal validation of my suffering was a very important step for me. Before I started visiting this forum regularly, I actually didn’t understand a lot of things about myself. I didn’t realize how important role my childhood plays in my life even now when I am 36 soon… It seemed normal to me that children have problems because I saw a lot of troubled classmates and people in my life. But they all seemed to be managing their lives better than I was. They didn’t suffer from social phobia. They didn’t appear to be as sensitive as me. I considered myself a failure, I guess. How is it that everyone is managing their lives but I am not?

I am trying to reformulate certain thoughts in my mind when they pop up.

“I am weak.” –> I am strong because I am not afraid to face my problems.
“I am a failure.” –> I am a fighter because I have already beaten my biggest enemy – social phobia.
“I am too sensitive.” –> I am a sensitive, tender soul and it is just right. The world needs good and sensitive people. I can turn my sensitivity into a strength.
“I have to change.” –> I do not need to change. I am enough as I am. I am here to be myself. I only need to develop as myself, not to change.

And I also trying to give more validation to my inner child. I usually try to console her by visualizing that I hug her and tell her some soft words. “You were a good, brave little girl in that harsh world.” But it is still hard as it always makes me cry a bit.

📔 It is February 17, 14:45

I have been too busy and distracted to practice mindfulness and meditation these two months. I am getting back on track slowly. It was a hectic and quite hard time for me. Glad that it is getting back to normal again.

The internal validation of the struggles I went through during my childhood and growing up was very crucial. I have a feeling I am allowed to continue my personal development now. It would not be possible without my internal validation.

I have been working on my self-compassion, too. I’ll write more about it in my thread about self-compassion.

I’m at a stage where I feel honestly good about being myself and not trying to change or question myself. I have to play my part in this world and not try to change according to someone’s ideas. I would only fool myself, then.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of work to do with myself. In the end, I decided to turn down the job offer (english via phone) because I didn’t feel good about it. I need to have more space for creativity, thinking, and flexibility… I feel terribly tied down when I have to follow some external rules. These are the echoes of my personality “I will not be bound by anything.” That’s the lone wolf in me. I always choose freedom, even if it is hard and life-threatening (financial insecurity at this moment)… but at least I found two new students through my online ad.

My boyfriend tells me that there’s no need to fight this, but rather adapt to it and look for a job that suits my personality and not the other way around. Simply keep looking for private students… I agree, but if I had a better paying job, he might ease up a bit. He works long hours in harsh environment with a lot of stress… people, managers, technology, … There are people in his company who had mental breakdown due to the pressure. He’s a strong and assertive personality… also a bit of a workaholic… but one can only take so much of this.

(I’ll continue later)

Hello Anita,

thank you a lot for your kind and warm words.

You have helped me a lot and I hope that you know that I cherish you. 🤗

I wish I could be more helpful to you. You are very kind and clever. You have helped a lot of people here. I was thinking if it is not too much for you. I can see that you give a lot to others but I am not sure if you get enough in return.

Sending a lot of ☀️ and ❤️

For me self-compassion is all about forigiving and accepting, which is not easy but it brings a wonderful sense of self-liberation.

I find self-acceptance more challenging because for many years I have lived believing that what others say about me (criticism) is true. It takes a lot of mental and emotional effort to reprogram these beliefs.

I will continue on Monday. Meanwhile, feel free to share your thoughts on self-compassion and please communicate with each other – this is not only about me.