I’m on phone and one line got lost in my last post. I just wanted to add that it is fine that we can learn from each other… from experiences and also the different way of thinking and processing things… 😊☀️

Hello Anita,

thank you for your messages. You are very kind. ❤️

Honestly, I felt like I had lost a friend. But as is often the case with me, I feel differently than the people around me.

I don’t want you to feel bad about what I wrote. Don’t worry, there’s not much room in my heart for any bad feelings. ☀️ If this whole thing hurt me a little, but in the end helped you or someone just reading this, that it’s always better to be vulnerable and honest than to be afraid and silent and then just be wrong, that’s good.

I do pick up on people’s energies… but I can’t say if I’m good at evaluating it. It feels now that I cannot fully trust myself, because my fear creates a “filter” that makes me confused and often wrong.

Sometimes I ask why I had to be born this way. Being oversensitive is hard in this world. I must learn to work with it better.

❤️

Dear Anita,

I used some time for self-reflection.

Once again, I followed a pattern that keeps repeating itself in my life: I let a stronger person, that is you, influence me too much. And it inevitably had to come out sooner or later because my karma is trying to teach me something.

I no longer suffer from social phobia – my greatest enemy is no longer with me. But the seed of fear is still there. So, I ask myself again: Will I ever be free from this fear of people?

No answer necessary. Time will show.

I think that Buddha was right. Most of our perceptions are erroneous. I am sorry if I was mistaken. I really hope I was. And there is no reason to be afraid of you.

But at the same time, I would like you to really think deeply about this. Now, you know that there can be people who are afraid of you or the energy you create. Is it really only me and this erroneous perception my deep-rooted fear creates?

No one cares. I guess I must be wrong again.

You are not a nobody. Everyone always comes back to this forum looking for you. “Anita, I need your advice.” You are a respected and sought-after person. I understand why you matter to others here. And I believe that you don’t realize how much influence you really have. But with influence comes a great responsibility, too. Your words have big impact on others… both positive and negative.

I was inspired by Alessa’s words: “Every day is a new day. This is my philosophy. There are good days and there are bad days. I’m not foolish enough to throw away a friend because of a bad day.”

But I don’t know if you feel that I am a friend or only someone who needs to be fixed.

Also, I wanted to let you know that I am not upset. I am confused… unsure… I lost my interest in this forum because I suddenly feel that it is not safe to open that much anymore. I feel something “in the air”… I cannot pretend that nothing is going on here. But again… it is only me who feels it.

What is the difference between perception and feeling? Am I always mistaken? What can I trust, then? Time will show.

Keep doing the good thing and stay true to yourself. My mind and heart need to relax.

👋 🐺

Hello Anita,

Alessa let me know that you had left a message for me here.

This will be very personal. I would send it to you by an e-mail, but I don’t have it. I will write to you how a sensitive stranger with deep emotional world like me can perceive you in this forum. Please, do not read this as criticism but as a part of your analysis of people – there are people like me out there online and in the real life and you might understand them better now.

I thought it was a bit strange that you had posted in every single thread and that there were many threads which weren’t yours and you started your conversation with somebody else in them. It is against the guidelines, but nobody seemed to care, so I thought it was okay. After some time it started to feel a bit “suffocating”. I sometimes feel that other members are discouraged to take part in the forums by your constant presence because majority of threads become your conversation with one other member. For a sensitive person, it feels that this forum is controlled by you and a space for others is limited by it.

When we started conversation, after some time, I realized that I had been afraid of you, Anita. But I supressed it because everyone appeared to respect you here and as I wrote above it seemed that you are in charge and for me it is a bit scary. I noticed that it was very easy to make you feel uncomfortable and you emphasized the topic of trauma a lot. I noticed that you got suddenly cold when I wrote something you probably didn’t like (and I didn’t understand why because I was new in this forum). It influenced me A LOT. I sometimes felt a need to write something different especially in connection to mothers, but I didn’t because I was very afraid of your reaction. I was afraid that I would without any intention to do so hurt you by my different opinion and you would get upset.

Even though you did help me to reach internal validation (together with Alessa), I with my sensitive brain felt a bit pressured by your analytical approach and your convinction that there must be bad influence on my current problems coming from my mother. I do understand, but it is not always that case. I felt as if you insisted on it and because you are in charge and respected by everyone, I felt you must be right.

Imagine that I was so influenced that I even wrote to Lori if I was allowed to write about my parents because I knew you read everything and I was afraid that my nice words for them and my need to reconnect with my mom more when she is now old and ill would trigger you… This is how big influence you have on somebody who is new here, very sensitive to what is happening and moreover with problems (submissive, low self-esteem, fear …) when they see you here as the one who is in control.

When you wrote to Tommy in another thread about some old conflict, I started to search older threads trying to find the original thread. I found some posts where you were very impolite… actually really rude. I am still quite new. I didn’t know a lot about the history of this forum. And I was shocked… searching more and more, already troubled by my fear of you I thought: “This is Anita’s forum. Her personal space where she can do whatever she pleases and others must be careful and very nice to her.”

You asked me about anger. I am calm and slow. I experience anger more as irritation which comes and goes… but when I saw how you lectured Tommy for his rudeness making him feel bad and at the same time I saw your own rude words here in older threads, I was honestly angry with you, Anita. And thank to Alessa who helped me by email, I processed it and let it go. I am not angry but I still feel a sense of unfairness…

As a sensitive person, I feel that you as a person for a passion for analysis only need my problems to have something to analyze, which is in your words something you love to do. But actually I do not matter at all… Analysis goes over feelings…

I do respect this. It is interesting to know people with different mindset. I know you love analyzing. It is okay. I think that even others love it (most of them)… but I just wanted to let you know that you will never really understand the person behind the problems with this approach. You cannot (and shouldn’t) put people into boxes by analyzing their words because your conclusions from your analysis weren’t always right… but some people like me get overwhelmed by it and before they process it, they might make a mistake…

Please, do not respond. I only wanted to let you know what influence and feelings you can create in some people in reality. I thought that you didn’t realize this. I hope we both will learn a lesson from this

You can analyse your feelings and emotions, of course. It is a part of self-compassion.

But try not to analyse others. If we analyse others, we can actually demean their truth and experience. Because when we analyse others, we do it through our own lenses. We project our truth and experience on them. While in reality… we don’t really feel and understand them…

Isn’t it compassion to accept people as they are without trying to fix them?

Knowledge does not equal understanding (when we speak about people’s psyche).

Life’s experiences, feelings and mental formations and how people experience them are completely different. We shouldn’t try to analyse others and try to explain what they feel. If we do it, we don’t understand them on a deeper level. And without this kind of understanding, there is no compassion.

🤗 😇

Please, go ahead. Tell your story. ❤️ I haven’t been uncomfortable with any topics you started. It is your way to self-compassion. And it is accepted and understood by me. No fixing.

Please, respect that this thread is about self-compassion.