I am sure it will help me, Anita. I’ll come back on Monday and read your advice on PC to give it more attention. (There is one post in my other thread waiting for moderation from this morning)

I hope you are going to have a great weekend. Do you have any plans? 😊

📔 it is February 21, 2025, 15:05

I was thinking about what I consume.

I think my diet is quite good. However, I sometimes eat little during the day and in the late afternoon I tend to eat more and then have troubles with my stomach. I need to become more mindful about this. I am working on eating more slowly and mindfully. And I eat at the table – no TV, no computer… I am happy that we started to eat lunch together in our dining room without TV at the weekends. But we still eat dinner and watch TV – it is a kind of ritual for us.

I don’t use social media. I tried FB but I think my account will stay inactive. It’s not my cup of tea. I don’t like the atmosphere. I am careful about what I am watching on youtube and pinterest. I watch channels such as elephantnews, trail cameras from different countries, Plum Village, BuddhisminEnglish and some channels about nature, for example BBC. Pinterest is fine. Its ad policy isn’t so aggressive and when you search pictures of nature, animals, buddhism, the algorithm gives you a lot of beautiful inspiration.

As for my thinking, I’ve made great headway since I started visiting this forum. I still have a lot to work on, but important is that I feel motivated and determined to continue in my personal/spiritual development whatever hardship is waiting for me.

My inner child is still so vulnerable…

I also wanted to share my associations with the words weakness/strength and success/failure.

My immediate association with the word strength is the word “man”. I think that it is the need for a man protector. It feels good to be protected by a man in this harsh world. It can be, of course, negative, too. When men turn to violence. So, without thinking much, I imagine police, soldiers, knights, … images of protectors.

My immediate association with the word weakness is (unfortunately) tenderness. It is why I probably feel so weak in this world.

And I connect the words success and failure more with personal, spiritual development… for me, being a decent, kind and tender person is in the end success… but it is terribly hard in this world… these are my values, but as you can see I feel in danger being kind and tender (that’s why the need for protectors) because I know that many people can take advantage of me…

It is actually very interesting to think about it and get to know a bit more about me again. Thank you!

📔 It is February 20, 2025, 6:20

I am very disappointed by US-Russia talk on Ukraine. It is very alarming.

I stopped reading media during Covid. It only spreads panic and fear. It is very difficult to find unbiased news. That’s why I stopped reading them. I can’t find objective information in them. Let alone some peace.

I didn’t have facebook, but I created an account a few days ago because somebody told me that I could send some ads for my lessons there. It is not for me. It is too noisy and unfriendly. I remember when I created the account, the whole page was about politics. I deleted the posts, refreshed the page and the same politicians appeared there again. The page let me know that they will send me a notification about elections on my phone. I mustn’t forget to vote them. Jesus, let me live! I feel like the whole party is stalking me. 😅 I don’t like how people tend to behave on facebook, either. People do not discuss, do not support each other, they are just in a constant competitive mood. The only “social media” I find useful is pinterest and this site. The rest is just pain, chaos and disinformation.

Thank you, Anita, for the poem. 🐺 🌺

Thank you, Alessa, too. He is. And I really admire him. His childhood wasn’t good, either. But he didn’t let the pain consume him. I always say that he must be a very old soul, because he’s so wise, always stays on top of things, and never lets bad experience/people affect his good heart. ❤️

I was always wondering HOW. How to cultivate self-compassion in my practical life.

I guess that there is no universal answer to this question. We all have to find our own unique way to self-compassion.

Internal validation of my suffering was a very important step for me. Before I started visiting this forum regularly, I actually didn’t understand a lot of things about myself. I didn’t realize how important role my childhood plays in my life even now when I am 36 soon… It seemed normal to me that children have problems because I saw a lot of troubled classmates and people in my life. But they all seemed to be managing their lives better than I was. They didn’t suffer from social phobia. They didn’t appear to be as sensitive as me. I considered myself a failure, I guess. How is it that everyone is managing their lives but I am not?

I am trying to reformulate certain thoughts in my mind when they pop up.

“I am weak.” –> I am strong because I am not afraid to face my problems.
“I am a failure.” –> I am a fighter because I have already beaten my biggest enemy – social phobia.
“I am too sensitive.” –> I am a sensitive, tender soul and it is just right. The world needs good and sensitive people. I can turn my sensitivity into a strength.
“I have to change.” –> I do not need to change. I am enough as I am. I am here to be myself. I only need to develop as myself, not to change.

And I also trying to give more validation to my inner child. I usually try to console her by visualizing that I hug her and tell her some soft words. “You were a good, brave little girl in that harsh world.” But it is still hard as it always makes me cry a bit.

📔 It is February 17, 14:45

I have been too busy and distracted to practice mindfulness and meditation these two months. I am getting back on track slowly. It was a hectic and quite hard time for me. Glad that it is getting back to normal again.

The internal validation of the struggles I went through during my childhood and growing up was very crucial. I have a feeling I am allowed to continue my personal development now. It would not be possible without my internal validation.

I have been working on my self-compassion, too. I’ll write more about it in my thread about self-compassion.

I’m at a stage where I feel honestly good about being myself and not trying to change or question myself. I have to play my part in this world and not try to change according to someone’s ideas. I would only fool myself, then.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of work to do with myself. In the end, I decided to turn down the job offer (english via phone) because I didn’t feel good about it. I need to have more space for creativity, thinking, and flexibility… I feel terribly tied down when I have to follow some external rules. These are the echoes of my personality “I will not be bound by anything.” That’s the lone wolf in me. I always choose freedom, even if it is hard and life-threatening (financial insecurity at this moment)… but at least I found two new students through my online ad.

My boyfriend tells me that there’s no need to fight this, but rather adapt to it and look for a job that suits my personality and not the other way around. Simply keep looking for private students… I agree, but if I had a better paying job, he might ease up a bit. He works long hours in harsh environment with a lot of stress… people, managers, technology, … There are people in his company who had mental breakdown due to the pressure. He’s a strong and assertive personality… also a bit of a workaholic… but one can only take so much of this.

(I’ll continue later)

Hello Anita,

thank you a lot for your kind and warm words.

You have helped me a lot and I hope that you know that I cherish you. 🤗

I wish I could be more helpful to you. You are very kind and clever. You have helped a lot of people here. I was thinking if it is not too much for you. I can see that you give a lot to others but I am not sure if you get enough in return.

Sending a lot of ☀️ and ❤️