Hello Anita and Alessa,

thank you for being here with me. 😊

Do you think that all people experience some emotional or mental difficulties?

I do find external validation important. However, I never got it in my social bubble or culture. It is then very frustrating.

It is interesting that you both find/found rules, plans, goals helpful to stay focused. I am very nervous when I have to follow strict plans and goals … I like to “flow” and to be flexible in situations. Rules and plans actually make me nervous.

Thank you for your support! I’ll think about the words weakness, strength, failure, success. You can add your ideas about these words, too. 🦋

“Self-compassion is something that goes beyond mere intellectual understanding, of course—it needs to be felt.” It is true. It is very interesting how these processes inside our mind work. It takes a lot of time and effort to really feel it. One can read hunderds of books on self-compassion but they will never feel it. There is something special you need to do to be able to feel it. I think that it is also connected to practice, for example mindfulness and meditation, which help us sort thoughts and discover “more” about us.

I was always wondering HOW. How to cultivate self-compassion in my practical life.

I guess that there is no universal answer to this question. We all have to find our own unique way to self-compassion.

Internal validation of my suffering was a very important step for me. Before I started visiting this forum regularly, I actually didn’t understand a lot of things about myself. I didn’t realize how important role my childhood plays in my life even now when I am 36 soon… It seemed normal to me that children have problems because I saw a lot of troubled classmates and people in my life. But they all seemed to be managing their lives better than I was. They didn’t suffer from social phobia. They didn’t appear to be as sensitive as me. I considered myself a failure, I guess. How is it that everyone is managing their lives but I am not?

I am trying to reformulate certain thoughts in my mind when they pop up.

“I am weak.” –> I am strong because I am not afraid to face my problems.
“I am a failure.” –> I am a fighter because I have already beaten my biggest enemy – social phobia.
“I am too sensitive.” –> I am a sensitive, tender soul and it is just right. The world needs good and sensitive people. I can turn my sensitivity into a strength.
“I have to change.” –> I do not need to change. I am enough as I am. I am here to be myself. I only need to develop as myself, not to change.

And I also trying to give more validation to my inner child. I usually try to console her by visualizing that I hug her and tell her some soft words. “You were a good, brave little girl in that harsh world.” But it is still hard as it always makes me cry a bit.

For me self-compassion is all about forigiving and accepting, which is not easy but it brings a wonderful sense of self-liberation.

I find self-acceptance more challenging because for many years I have lived believing that what others say about me (criticism) is true. It takes a lot of mental and emotional effort to reprogram these beliefs.

I will continue on Monday. Meanwhile, feel free to share your thoughts on self-compassion and please communicate with each other – this is not only about me.

Thank you. That’s nice. I’ll copy it and print it. 🙂

Hello Anita, feel free to write short or long posts. I always like to read from you. ❤️