Hello Anita,

I would like to thank you and Helcat too for two things.

I realized that this really is not normal, even though I have been told all my life that I am the bad one, because I am the oversensitive one and that it is me who just can’t handle a normal life like others.

And for your experiences… It is important to share… otherwise everything gets swept under the rug (again). It’s also inspiring to know that you’re fighting for the good… trying to be better and helping others too… because unfortunately there are so many people in the world who have chosen to follow the wrong path destroying themselves and/or others… their motto being: “I suffered, you will suffer, too.”

I understand my brother’s frustration, anger and resentment towards our parents, but he chose to go down the wrong path. Although I don’t know if he consciously chose this path or if all the things in his life – childhood and forming years – led him there. How much can we really influence? … I was in the dark until recently.

I remember that I used to be very annoyed by questions: “Why are you shaking?” etc. People noticed of course, but they didn’t even think to address it gently or actively in helping me… rather they used it against me… children laughing at me, bullying me by imitating me, deliberately ignoring me… teachers: “What’s wrong with you?”, “You have to stop shaking.” … those expressions of annoyance on their faces and the gestures like “Jeez, this girl again…” Rolling eyes… I also had this block that I couldn’t speak in front of others. When I was called to come in front of the class and recite, sing, answer some testing questions etc., I just couldn’t speak. My throat got tight, I couldn’t breathe properly, so I just stammered or didn’t speak at all… and I got 5. (the worst mark) You don’t speak = You don’t know… no care that I was obviously under enormous pressure.

How did you deal with this?

Have you ever tried to ask your mother (or father… I don’t know if he lived with you, as you rarely mention him) for help? When I did, I just met another form of ignorance. I remember my mom “growl” at me when she was annoyed by me. I wanted to try hypnosis (because I saw that once on TV – they treated people with phobias by hypnosis) and I was simply just chased off that it was nonsense… and no other discussion… as always. It was said and done. Period.

My mother came to some realization that it wasn’t all right and she needed some reassurance from me that I could forgive her. Which I did. Honestly, I never had any hatred towards her… I just knew I couldn’t rely on her. And I detached from her and got deeper into my inner world. But I feel that she has this conviction inside that it is our fault, that we are the ones causing her problems… She might have realized something, but the fact is that she really didn’t understand the core of the problem, or doesn’t want to… as in your words “it’s easier (..) to ignore a child’s distress than it is to acknowledge and address it…” I would only add here that it is also easier to deny being a part of a child’s problem than to admit it.

I remember that I ran away from the children club, too. And no one cared… no one asked WHY… I simply had to go there again. No discussion. The same story later at elementary school… No one… really… absolutely no one cared about my feelings when I was a little girl, let alone when I was older…

I remember the nights full of teror in my head. I was depressed in the evening when I went to bed and knew that I had to go to school in the morning… in the morning I was so anxious that I felt sick… still I had to go there without a word of understanding or support… more than 9 years…

No bad feeling for anyone… But don’t you find it strange that your child almost vomits in the morning when she has to go to school day after day, year after year…?

When I started with EFT, I had very painful and shameful memories connected to this accident. Now, it is only a memory. I don’t feel strong emotions thinking about this experience anymore. 🙂

But what I have realized recently is that this experience really could lead to my fear of other children in the children club. The point I wanted to make is that my initial experience with the boy was unfortunately later confirmed over and over again by emotional or even physical bullying until high school, when at least the physical one finally disappeared…

Hello Helcat,

you should make your own phrases because only you know what exactly you feel. This is something the teacher taught me – there are some examples of the phrases, but you should come up with your own phrases which align with your real emotions connected to the problem you want to work on. I sometimes only tapped… I didn’t say anything but I focused deeply on the emotion. The most important thing is to really get into the moment, the emotions, some feelings in the body (it’s actually also a kind of meditation, mindfulness) and then tap.

Thank you for your support! ❤️

Hello Anita,

It’s not easy to realize that I’m still broken. But I’m glad I have come to some understanding and I’m one step closer to more healing.

Now I am in the middle of my “self-pitying phase”, as I call it. But it is okay. I know this. It is useful for me because it gives me the right energy to continue healing.

Hope you have a nice weekend! ☀️

Hello Helcat,

“Every child in the world deserves to be raised in an ideal way. It is a shame that life doesn’t work like that.”

It is! Yesterday I thought about the fact that I don’t know anyone who has a warm relationship with their parents. At best, those relationships are neutral, but there are no warm and loving feelings. It is so sad.

I am sure you know the show “Wife Swap”. I watched one episode and one of the mothers whose boyfriend hit her children said: “I was beaten and I survived. My kids will survive too.” And here we go again. The mindset “I suffer, so you will suffer too.”

No one is self-broken. The poison of hurt feelings is passed down from generation to generation. But we need to wake up and accept that we are hurt and do the best to heal… we can break that vicious circle of pain.

I am very happy that you are so self-aware and try your best to raise your son. I am sorry that you don’t have more support from your family. You husband’s family seem to be quite complicated, too. But you can do it with your self-awareness, clever mind and kind heart. It’s great to know that somebody from a bad family is willing to grow and be different. ❤️