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November 30, 2024 at 4:32 am in reply to: Fear, Anxiety and Healing #439818

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Anita,

You are brave to face her. You did a right thing – you protected yourself. And in the end you left her, which was a good decision. However, I can feel (and this is only my subjective feeling from the text) that you cannot leave her in your thoughts, let her go away from your life for good. Is it true?

Maybe you would like to explain it to me? Because with my lone wolf personality and tendencies to run away from bad people I would completely reject her and wouldn’t give her a space in my mind or heart. But I feel that she really hurt you so bad that it is very difficult to let her go. (?)

When you faced her, how did you feel? Was it liberating? Did you ever tell her how you feel/felt about her?

You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to. I know this is a painful topic. And I respect it. I just don’t want you to let her hurt you again and again in your thoughts. She doesn’t deserve your attention, love or your life at all.

☀️ 🪷

November 30, 2024 at 4:05 am in reply to: Am I judgmental? #439817

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello EvFran,

did you give yourself enough time to process your loss, grieve and to relax after this hard time?

You are not judgemental but you do think about the meeting too much. And then we have tendency to see things which are not really there. You had great time together – you were glad to see each other, you laughed, chatted. I don’t see a problem with the doorbell or that he didn’t look at you often.

☀️ 🪷

November 29, 2024 at 9:08 am in reply to: Am I judgmental? #439789

Jana 🪷
Participant

Yes, sure. Explain why you are sad and upset. We’ll get a bigger picture of your problem.

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November 29, 2024 at 8:44 am in reply to: Son came out as bi-sexual #439786

Jana 🪷
Participant

That’s great to read, Arie.

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November 29, 2024 at 8:37 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439785

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Anita and Helcat, you are very good psychologist. I must say. 🙂

You are right. I think that my mom was fighting these emotions – being overprotective, worried about me but at the same time she couldn’t support me or show me more love, affection because I could be the source of her feelings of guilt.

I am very glad to be freed from this inability to communicate and inability to love – to SHOW love to others… freed from this inability which is like a curse in our family for generations (my parents’ parents couldn’t show love, either.)

☀️ 🪷

November 29, 2024 at 8:18 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439783

Jana 🪷
Participant

Today I contacted an online addiction counselling center. I wanted to ask them if there was a way to persuade my older brother to start his treatment. He is an alcoholic. He got into a fight with his girlfriend (again) and has bruises on his face. He was depressed at work.

☀️ 🪷

November 29, 2024 at 5:44 am in reply to: Pastime to Passion #439778

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Elias,

you do not mention this, so I ask. Have you practiced doing music, too? Have you tried to get a rap teacher or learn some (new) rap techniques etc.? What exactly would you like to change? Then focus on that. Imagine that the Beatles practiced 8 hours 7 nights a week before they got really famous. The more you practice, the better you get.

☀️ 🪷

November 29, 2024 at 3:37 am in reply to: Working on stuff #439775

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Helcat,

I hope that you enjoyed Thanksgiving! (I thought you live in the UK. You moved to the US?)

I admire how you manage all this as a new mom. And I agree with you that sometimes it’s more beneficial to sit with your feelings… just let them flow… no judgement, no intellectualising…

And what is now maybe even better – to sit with your son and enjoy his presence, the moments with him. He’ll be big soon! Enjoy that he is so small and he needs you now.

I know that it is somehow harder when you cannot find support in your husband. I hope he finds himself again. It seems to me that he is very and easily influenced by others as if he didn’t have his own opinions. You mentioned in your journal that he was a wonderful man to you but as soon as a third party appears, he changes somehow.

But remember “Not all those who wander are lost.”

☀️ 🪷

November 29, 2024 at 12:17 am in reply to: Fear, Anxiety and Healing #439773

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Anita,

“… being in the present (not distracted by thinking) brings me back to being a scared child. It’s the fear that fuels my escaping the present moment. Deep inside, I am still a scared child.”

I believe that this is a very important finding. Now, you have very specific feelings and you can work with them. This is really perfect for EFT. You don’t have to think about it, if you are not ready now, but in the future you can try to write down all the feelings and ask yourself “What is the reason I feel this?” and try to tap the feelings connected to the specific memories away. It does take time and it can be emotionally difficult, but it really works.

Hanh also has his “therapy”. When a fear comes, he suggests to tell yourself: “Hello my fear, I am here and I’ll take care of you.” I understand this that we have to accept our fear, it is a part of us, and we should try to offer peace and comfort to our fear. By acceppting the fear, it becomes smaller… but it is quite difficult with strong fears. Mindfulness and meditation can raise many questions in us. Buddhist monks on youtube are a bit obscure and vague about HOW exactly work with these emotions.

Sometimes when I feel fear or I am unsure of myself, I imagine myself as a little girl, the scared child (yes, I have her in myself, too.) and I hold her and kiss her and tell her something sweet and nice in my head… when nobody supported me, loved me when I was a child, I do it now by myself. I have a picture of me when I was about 5 and when I have these bad feelings, it helps me to look at me in the picture and I smile and accept (her) myself.

What also helps me now is that I have someone who respects me and loves me the way I am. I am trying to shift my focus from those who didn’t give me love in the past (or now) to those who give it to me. I was wondering if your husband can be this support and love to you now? I remember you wrote that you used to see a therapist. Do you still see him/her? And can your husband go there, too, as your support? I mean, you can do it on your own! You are strong and smart to do so, but sometimes it feels better when there is someone who supports us on our way to healing.

By the way, did you enjoy Thanksgiving Day? Do you have some traditions you follow on this day? 🙂 I’ve always been interested in American culture.

J.

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November 28, 2024 at 5:42 am in reply to: Working on stuff #439736

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Helcat,

is there anything new? Hope things are getting better again!

J.

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November 28, 2024 at 5:41 am in reply to: Fear, Anxiety and Healing #439735

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Anita,

how have you been doing?

J.

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November 28, 2024 at 5:39 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439734

Jana 🪷
Participant

– Return to innocence –

I was supposed to be born in May. When my mom was pregnant with me, I was pronounced dead and she had to undergo C-section…

What a surprise! I was alive!

So, I was born … a little bit involuntarily … on March 6.

This affected my mom a lot, maybe more than me… and she always thought I was so small and delicate and quiet because I was premature. She always saw my introversion and high sensitivity as a result of my premature birth.

I don’t know where the truth is… But what I believe today is that I was like this before I was born. The fact that I’m sensitive and introverted isn’t the result of something traumatic like my premature birth… it’s just my genes, nature, karma, … Who knows. What is important to me today is that it is not something negative, bad, unwanted… something that has to be fixed… as it has been presented to me all my life.

My mom sometimes tells me, as a joke: “You are typical Pisces! What would you be like if you were a Taurus?” (March = Pisces, May = Taurus)

The same. I would be the same.

Yesterday we were in a car I heard this song:

Don’t be afraid to be weak<br aria-hidden=”true” />Don’t be too proud to be strong<br aria-hidden=”true” />Just look into your heart my friend<br aria-hidden=”true” />That will be the return to yourself<br aria-hidden=”true” />The return to innocence

I am on my way to my real self. My introversion and sensitivity is something I need to return to… to return to myself, to my innocence.

And I wanted to thank you because I have realized so much here on this forum. I felt so lost this year and now I am very happy I am going back to myself thanks to you.

☀️ 🪷

November 25, 2024 at 5:40 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439672

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Roberta and Anita,

first of all I would love to thank you for your support and tips. You both are very wise and helpful and I really appriecate your effort to help me (and others on this forum). You are good people.

And thank you, Lori, for approving my posts.

I didn’t know that there is a “term” empath. I tried to look up more information about empaths and it seems that it really might be me. I found these points:

1. You have a lot of empathy.

I guess I do. It is difficult for me to say if I am oversensitive or empathetic. For example, when I read some people’s stories here, I feel sad and wish I had some miraculous power to relieve them. It’s hard for me to put these feelings into words. I often wonder why some have to suffer and others don’t… When I think about it much and get into my “low moment”, I even blame myself a little for the fact that I have a good life and others don’t… I wanted to be a psychologist but I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to detach from my clients’ problems and that I would take all the suffering home. I was also considering becoming a “nanny” in local orphanage but it was the same situation – I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to deal with their loneliness… I cannot watch violence, horror movies (with blood) because I might have nightmares. I absolutely hate it when someone hurts the weaker ones. And I often feel a bit guilty when I have to “kill” flowers, bushes, trees. I think about it and try to find ways not to cut them (for example when they are in a place where we plan to build something), so we try to replant them if it is possible.

2. Closeness and intimacy can overwhelm you

That’s true. I crave closeness and intimacy. It is very important for me. But it is true that in real life I sometimes feel overwhelmed by my partner’s need of closeness and intimacy (especially after long day with other people when my capacity for social contact is already “depleted”). I do not want to push him away. Quite contrary. He is another child who didn’t have his parents’ love in his life… He told me about it many times and that’s why he needs my presence / love a lot. I just need to find some strategies to find the balance between my alone time and the time of closeness/intimacy with him. Thank you for your tips – I’ll work on them and see how it works for us.

3. You have good intuition.

I think I do. My intuition saved me many times. But it is true that I tried to supress my intuition in the past, too. I thought that it was my wrong judgement. It is actually sometimes hard to tell the difference between intuition and judgement/illusion. When I have a bad feeling about someone, I start thinking about it rationally and tell myself: “Stop being so judgemental. You shouldn’t think like that.” The truth is that my intuition about people was usually very correct, but I wanted to see the goodness in them so much that I didn’t listen to myself.

4. You take comfort in nature.

100% true

5. You don’t do well in crowded places.

100% true, sometimes it is even scary for me. I really don’t like weddings, parties, shopping malls, full restaurants, … When I can, I avoid these events/places.

6. You have hard time not caring.

viz. point 1

7. People tend to tell you their problems.

This is true, too. In my mother tongue people say “Jsi mou vrbou.” (You are my willow) It means that you are somebody who people trust and they can cry on your shoulder. I always felt like a willow.

8. You have a high sensitivity to sounds, smells, sensations.

This is also true. I don’t like the sounds which many household appliances make, such as desktop PC, fridge, air conditioning… I very often need to leave my PC because it makes me nervous and I also suffer from information overload on the internet. And I need to turn it off and be totally offline for a few hours. This is also connected to point 5 – I don’t like places where there are a lot of lights, loud music, people talking, people in a hurry, … (now the christmas season is coming and I HATE it because instead of being calm and peaceful, people are going crazy on the roads, in the shops, …)

9. You need time to recharge.

100% true.

10. You don’t like conflicts.

100% true. I can face them – I have learned that sometimes it is neccessary to do it, but conflicts with people in general are very stressful for me.

11. You often feel like you don’t fit in

This is literally my life story. A feeling which I have had in me since I started going to school as a 6-year-old kid.

12. You tend to isolate.

Yes, I do. I need to recharge in isolation. But I think that I am getting better and am actively trying to be in touch with my extended family.

13. You have hard time setting boundaries

Yes, sometimes I am confused what I should do… I feel guilty when I set boundaries.

14. You see the world in unique ways.

I think so, too. I love that I can see, feel, hear the beautiful things around me. I noticed many times that some people just see a tree, nothing else… but I can see what the tree might have experienced during the many years it has been standing in that place.

15. You sometimes find it tough to cope with sensory and emotional overload.

Yes. viz. points 1 and 8.

Once again, thank you for your tips. I’ll put them into practice and see how they work for me (us, with my partner). I have three busy days ahead of me, so I’ll be able to put them to the test. : -)

Take care! And if you have any questions about EFT, feel free to ask.

(written on Nov 25, at 14:40)

☀️ 🪷

November 24, 2024 at 6:10 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439620

Jana 🪷
Participant

🪷 Buddhism – inspirational links 🪷

I also would like to share with you links I find inspirational and helpful for my/our growth.

Thich Hanh – The Art of Mindful Living, part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDXcIaUKHDU

Thich Hanh – The Art of Mindful Living, part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlEqlqzkpT4

PS: I’ll come back later. I am working on my promises to my beloved ones, meditation and mindful living. I think I have also figured out why certain energies in people still bother me. I’ll write more later. 🦋
(written on Nov 23, 8:02)

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November 24, 2024 at 6:10 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439619

Jana 🪷
Participant

🕊️ Emotional Freedom Technique 🕊️

Hello! I would like to share a simple guide to how work on your feelings and emotions with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) by Gary Craig. Someone who will come across my journal might find it useful.

This version of EFT is simplified and it doesn’t include an exercise with eyes. Look at this picture (I hope you can see it in this post – let me know)

1. Think of an issue you have. And get really into it. Do not just think about it, but take your time and focus deeply and fully on feelings and emotions that this issue arouses in you.

2. You can measure the intensity of your feelings and emotions with these emojis: 😊 – 🙂 – 😐 – ☹️ – 😢 or from 1 (the least intense feeling) to 10 (the most intense feeling)

2. You don’t have to do this step. You can tap without saying anything and just focus on the feelings and emotions. However, for some it works better when they can express their emotions in words. And there is the affirmative sentence to accept yourself and your feelings which is quite important. You can prepare your statement: (I created an example statement here:) Even though I feel devastated after our break-up, I love myself and accept myself deeply as I am.

3. Close your eyes. Get into your emotions and say your statement three times aloud and keep tapping your outer palm.

4. Get into your emotions or say your statement and continue tapping from point one to nine in the picture. Don’t worry if you skip a point. I know people who skip the point Center of head and I personally starts with outer palm (saying three times a statement or simply feeling the emotions for a while deeply), then I just feel the emotions or say main feeling (such as in the example “feeling devastated”) and tap inner eye, outer eye, below eye, below nose, below lip, collar bone, below armpit and forearm near my palm. Do not hurry, it is also a form of mindfulness. You have to do it carefully and be very mindful of your feelings and emotions.

5. Open your eyes. You will naturally breath out… Think about any changes – better, worse. Check your feelings with emojis (or numbers), if you need. Tap until you feel relieve and you would identify with the first happy emoji. 😊 (or number one – no negative emotion, just neutral) Some feelings take MANY rounds of tapping… my personal exeprience with social phobia – years of tapping. The thing is that when you get into a deep problem, a lot of forgotten memories and negative emotions arouse. You need to tap them all.

You can ask any questions, if you need.
(written on Nov 23, 7:52)

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Jana 🪷

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