Dear Anita,

Thank you again for your response! Just wanted to say that its very warming and inspiring to see you respond to any and everyone in need across this forum. I’d love to follow your example once I master myself a bit more 🙂

Metta meditation is firstly about loving yourself (which is my current focus), then about loving the people close to you, then towards neutral people and eventually yeah even your enemies. It feels far off, but even if only saints can achieve this, to love my enemies is a noble goal. To be honest with you, sometimes I see their suffering. Without it they wouldnt cause hurt deliberatly to gain their shallow pleasure, right? Do you agree? Also if I see them as enemies, I too make myself an enemy, right?

How do you deal with anger coming from hurt? I have lashed out in anger a few times in the past, even if it had its effect and resolved something, it didn’t feel like I was true to myself. I can’t really control it to make a clear judgement, you know? I either put it away or get really angry, which seldom happens..Just tonight I read the book on boundries Heikki recommended. I really took away recommendations on what to do in a calm and clear fashion and to let go of fear of losing more or getting guilt tripped.

As stated above I have to let go of a lot of desire, because if I fear to lose my house, lose more sleep or lose favorable opinions, im stuck in hurt and anger, like you said. If I’m unafraid i become strong enough to stand up for myself with calm and confidence I think 🙂

Leke

Dear Heikki,

Apologies for the delay in response. Some rough days have passed, that contained a lot of things I seem to be facing right now. Not going into the details, cause the focus here has been on the positive and constructive aspect of facing the self. I’d really love to keep that going! Thank you again so much, for taking your time with a warm and informative response!

The first few months of meditation where guided, a few months later with nature sounds. Didn’t manage/dare to just meditating “normally” for quite a few months. During a very stress free period, I managed to do just that for a few months. With the increase of stress and it being pretty unavoidable (without other details, it was in my home and almost 24/7 that several problems with boundries occured) I nearly gave up on meditating and rarely did so anymore. Only a few months ago I tried again, focussing on anything that might help in the process of retaining concentration even under the hardest circumstance. This included counting breaths, and only since this last week metta and “letting go” affirmation. So its very early days using different forms of meditation. I have not tried anything else, although with your great tips, I definitely will. Can you explain using sage? I’m sorry English isn’t my primary language. My aunt gave me some crystals (she is pretty spiritual), so maybe I can use those?

Letting go and having things falling into place, I cant really recall. Do you find this works in almost every situation for you? Do you find that if it doesn’t you haven’t fully let go? For instance during the current situation I tried letting go and just having patience for a very long time. Stuff only got worse and worse over the course of 6+ months. So yeah not wanting to be a downer, but unfortunatly that happens a lot. I will not give up though :). Have experienced the alternative and dare I say it, I have no further choice but to go down this path. Nothing has worked, for years and years. At least this gives some relief, so that’s more then anything else has. I guess during my best moments I feel there is truth in “not doing”, “letting go of all desire” and creating circumstance by having a different outlook.

Very inspiring to hear that you found faith to be your source of Love. To inspire you to face the day despite feeling that the odds where against you for a long period. That it gives you purpose. I come from an extremely science based family. I do “talk to god” on occasion, one of the reseasons I started meditating. However I don’t know about Karma and Rebirth (or heaven and hell for that matter). Karma feels somewhat logical, though I rarely see its effect on anyone including myself. Days like the ones just passed I feel life is just luck based. Yes, I still do believe I can improve my vision upon what takes place in life. Yes, I do believe that a good intention creates more opportunity. Yes, I do think desire can get in the way of things. But for things to be the way they are, with a great cosmic plan, feels far off. I do wish to cultivate this more. Cause it would give more meaning to an experience, or to the way with which to deal with it.

Will get the Cloud/Townsend book! The way you created a better relationship with your family is inspiring and familiar, thank you for telling me about it. Forgiving and feeling strong about your boundries is something very wise. I can personally do this with my family now, or with people that hurt me in the past. Not as consistently as you, but like you said before, its a (slow) process. The ones that are currently causing suffering, not yet. Though i do refrain from any further engagement to do “justice” or speak out in anger.

Thank you again for sharing and your wisdom. A lot of tools and knowledge of how to make something beautiful, you’ve handed to me/reminded me of. I will keep feeling responsible for building something that last out of all these things. Bless.

Dear Michael and Anita,

Anita thank you very much for your reply and understanding, it means a lot to me.
Funny thing is I used to (partly) own a dog called Flip, with my ex girlfriend, and there was much love between us.
It’s true what you say, some sincerity in people’s intent is very important in this part of my life.
I mean to regain this in the future, your kind words and understanding have contributed in a very
meaningful way to me. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Michael, I’ve read your wise words quite a few times. They are truly words of wisdom. They ring very true to what I’m experiencing. Without sounding melodramatic, its like you looked into my soul. You described something I “know” but can’t seem to experience in most moments of the day.

Creating transience is a term I haven’t heard of before, but will inform myself further in.
Either way it is true. I am truly afraid of losing even more by experiencing love unconditionally. Fear of giving yourself fully to love, then regretting that attitude when it causes the ego pain. Like saying “I wish I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be hurt in this way”. It really is my true intent to love. As you described not just within an interaction or relationship, but also in a wider sense. I already let people in front when they have fewer groceries, let pedestrians pass when I’m driving, smile and greet people that have an open attitude towards me. I do wish everyone peace and a life without suffering, even if I have never met them. I wish to develop this further. The next step is to overcome fear, “if people know me long enough they will not like me” or “If i am loving to people they will exploit me”, because it is shaping any experience I might have. And you are right, in the end its just a concept and a projection that “adults” are hard to love.

Off-course I’ll follow your guidance and keep meditating. I also find it amazing that you mention parks, since I’m in the park every single day, to love all that is around us. Today it did carry over into wider perspective, outside of the park or places I feel comfortable. I will meditate and keep in mind my true intent as much as possible. There is duality between the true nature of being, and how I perceive it now. Despite the potential for the same wisdom you already posses, being withing me as well (despite being well hidden 😉 ), I still would like to thank you very much for taking the time and describing it to me in such a way that it resonated with me deeply.

Even though you are right, that the validation for these things, I should find within myself, It’s still very important to me that you described it the way you did. I will work hard to achieve the same mastery you have over the experiences life gives us. Accepting any ups and downs that may bring and expressing myself fully, thus living fully.

I hope it’s alright if I update this topic in a few weeks/months to let you know how its going.

Thank you,

Leke