Sure! I will do my best

(1) How did I become a Buddhist?  I wanted to know the fundamental nature of reality, who I am really (not who I think I am), to enlighten and to surmount suffering.  I encountered the Buddha’s cornerstone teachings early in life and they resonated very powerfully – so much so that when I encountered horrific bodily pain, when I began to recall past lives, I began to take the question of karma very seriously, decided to do my utmost never to incarnate into this world again as well as to benefit others to the best way I can, ie: to present calm, peace, equanimity to all persons and to be as compassionate as possible regardless of the form or content that comes my way, and regardless of whether I am the source of the upset or confusion – as in, negative states of being or consciousness – or the outer world – ie, persons in my environment, world at large, etc.  I became a Buddhist finally because there were no answers in this world to address my suffering: no medication, no doctor, no hope of recovery, either. I had to come to a place of peace where none could really be found.  In turning to the East for answers, Buddhism was the one philosophy that answered the question: what is the ultimate reality to the fullest, requiring no imagination or hope or input from me.  And so it can be said to present a very stark truth, a very difficult truth to accept, but nonetheless, it does offer the experiential knowledge whereby one can say, “I have seen the ultimate nature of reality,” at the end.  If one is able to sufficiently cultivate mental clarity and drop all illusions and delusions along the way.  It is a very pure, a very undefiled consciousness which appeals to me, as there is nothing in this world that is worth getting all invested in and making a fuss over – this world largely unable to apperceive and appreciate the underlying harmony and gorgeous lights and colors that also make up the conscious and mental realms which I, also, have in fact, been lucky enough to see. But those were not enough … they come and go … the beautiful lights that one can see in altered states of consciousness… and so it can be said: I wanted the truth and decided to go as far as I can go to realize it … to return to it … naked and pure without barriers and hindrances. I am nowhere near that goal, but I am glad to be on the path.  Many a year of my life spent contemplating the deeper questions due to my health problems and conditions, I live in utmost gratitude for the discoveries of the Ven. Buddha, happy that someone so loved humanity that he gave up every conceivable comfort to live a life of relative austerity, devoted to the cause of educating us as to how we too might realize such noble aims and ends.  To be free of suffering and to live free of harmful causes and effects is a cause most noble indeed.  One need not even be a Buddhist to appreciate what all went into the teachings by simply reading the Tripitaka and reflecting on all the experiences Buddha took on just to be able to teach others how to reach these goals themselves. So deeply moved and honored at this utterly selfless and loving human being.  And feel just as honored, moved, and touched at the sangha and persons of the cloth following this example.

(2)  I pray all the time.  This is inconsistent with Buddhism.  But I pray mostly out of habit… and it’s mostly a conversation with Buddha or Christ – exemplars of love, kindness and compassion.  I always pray with my heart as open as possible, and honestly. I open the mind up and share all the things I tried to keep secret and private – the dark nasty places … and this is because darkness and ignorance are the biggest hindrances to clarity of mind and heart.  I train myself to not be ashamed about these dark thoughts and feelings by sharing them in prayer.  And then after I confess all the things that maybe I wasn’t mindful about (mindfulness is the Buddhist way of owning one’s reality – to be aware of all activities, thoughts, feelings as they arise ideally), things I maybe wished I could have done differently in the day… or assistance to accept physical pain and suffering, poverty and some of the more challenging things I face in life – like the constant concern for maybe needing another surgery.

(3)  Question 3 is odd: this can be answered by simply googling his life. It’s a biographical question. If its meant subjectively, Buddha is my best friend.  He is also my guardian.  And he is also my teacher.  I never met a human being with the same level of integrity, loyalty, loving kindness and compassion – and for this reason, I say he is my best friend. Also, if you speak to Buddha, you have a definite sense of something listening. The same goes for Christ.  If you are very silent, and you are very acutely aware of energy, you feel a sort of slight density in the air right about three feet away – as if there is some presence listening. Also inside, the same presence is listening. And then there is the sense of real compassion – as if being hugged from the inside-out. It is an amazing feeling. That is what Buddha is to me.

(4)  My belief about God/Gods:  I have perceived energies that seem to be highly conscious with the third eye – of both light and dark qualities.  It would seem as though there is a mental plane on which entities may exist (Buddha also speaks of this in his teachings), but these are very secondary concerns to Buddhist practice, because the real question is: what am I, the practitioner, doing with my time in space-time… and not what these other entities are doing. Their business is not mine.  I will find out when I die, if I do not enlighten in this lifetime, whether there is in fact a God or not – and if there is one, I cannot imagine that entity having a problem with persons working to be less angry, more forgiving and more loving, and especially showing kindness to the sick, poor and disabled.  And so God is really not my business.  If there is one, if there is not one, the Supreme consciousness – again, if there is one or not – does not need my opinions to exist or not to exist.  What brings me comfort is that I do the best I can to be a kind loving human being inside and out, to walk my talk, and to not assume that’s what I do – but to pay attention and know that is what I am doing – and when not, to be OK with that, too, and to be OK with what others do too.

(5)  See all above paragraphs, because I think my answers above do make this point clear.  But if I had to sum up, it would be to walk one’s talk and to seek always to lighten the load of suffering in this world – to be a source of light wherever I go to the best I can. We all have bad days, but … mindful of Buddha’s statement that suffering is illusory, I hope that even as the body may suffer as it does, that by my actions, deeds and attitude, I example just how possible it is for human beings to rise above differences, to forgive, to live with generous hearts, to be free of arrogance and to ignore the meanness in the world as just another example of human ignorance — the vast majority of humanity not seeing and appreciating the vast web of cause and effect, blindly visiting harms and ‘get even with’ or ‘get one over on’ on fellow man – and thereby incurring some of the darkest energies possible on the world, their loved ones, and themselves.  It is a very deluded and sad world.  Many a creature are suffering innocently causes and effects that had nothing whatsoever to do with them – but that greed, avarice, malice (ill will) and ignorance keep them trapped and bound in needing and wanting things that can never ever satisfy or please them.  In this sense, Buddhism offers the greatest hope of educating people as to why they suffer — suffering being caused by the person having it — and also the way to peace through it all. It’s a very wonderful way to reach love.

(6) I do see many similarities between the body of Christ’s teachings in the New Testament and the Buddha’s teachings.  What Christ told the public to do  – and his admonition against judgment and condemnation is extremely similar… that is one way I can say I can see Buddhism as being a religion, although it is truly more of a philosophical way of looking at things. I can say it is a religion in a more fundamental way with reference to the teachings themselves: in my practice, I have observed that the level of moral purity one has determines the level of joy and bliss available when one does meditate.  Because the morality of Buddhist teachings make the meditations more powerful, more real, and more meaningful, it is not just a question of philosophy.  I feel there is actually a very sacred holiness accompanying most monks I have observed or seen that I can only perceive in the rarest of ‘holy places’ and therefore, there is, to me, more than religiousity, but a downright holistic sacredness that extends beyond religion – it’s like an existential holiness in that all beings are included in the Buddhist intention for peace, joy and wellbeing.  All mind states are included in the Buddhist intention for peace, joy and wellbeing. And so are all people.  I cannot think of anything more holy — ie, more whole, more inclusive — than these intentions, which are constantly expressed in these practices.  And so this is actually holiness, not religion. It’s beyond religion.

(7) Again, due to the types of suffering I have had to experience in life, I can say without Buddha’s teachings on mindfulness… without having constantly applied single-pointed mind, without having had the insight to treat the conditions I have faced and face with utmost equanimity – that is, as much as I can manage – I can honestly say I would probably have gone insane by now or be dead.  It’s beyond the telling what Buddha did for me. What he does for me whenever I return to mindfulness… because whenever I forget, the suffering smacks me in the face, and I am awake and alert and can tell the difference.

I hope these answers were sufficient! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express my deep love, gratitude and utmost veneration to the Sangha, to the Dhamma, and the Buddha.  Without these, life would not be possible in this body, and with this personal history of this lifetime. And that is why I always advise anyone who will listen, if you are still and you contemplate the Buddha’s insights with open, honest mind, there is such deep wisdom there, that the path practically unfolds all by itself… it is the most beautiful and lovely way of living because it is honest, sincere, and very very profound… it is gentle, it is kind, and it is probably the most intensely loving way of being: to be aware of all one’s unloving, unkind actions… in order to make happier, healthier and more joyful choices bit by bit… always in self-compassion… never forcing or compelling self or others to do or be anything. It’s like finding water in the desert or on the hottest days when every one around you is thirsty – you always feel like you are fresh and clean if you choose to simply be aware as you go through life.
Again, thank you for letting me share!

Namaste _/\_ Christine

Dear Angel:

I can relate to having a controlling mother – mine was very controlling.  I spent / wasted a lot of precious time and years trying to ‘not rock the boat’ – trying to have a relationship with her – while leading my own life. Much of my life was spent in secret, also, as a result.  I have grey hair and have the benefit of wisdom… of being able to share how much I regretted not listening to my own heart in my life – and do so now … but not as fully as I could be had I had good practice doing so my whole life.

Ditto to what Anita said !!

May I also recommend that mentally you really sever the cords with your mother – to not emphasize too much her happiness in your own mind.  It’s your life: she gave birth to you so you could live your life.  Not so you could live hers. She has already had a life.  What you do with your arms, legs, mind, spirit, body is your business – no one else’s.  Mother or not.  You are not being a bad daughter or horrible person by being you – if you were supposed to be her, you would see her face every time you looked into the mirror.

All human beings are here learning and growing – life is a process of growth. What one person likes, another does not. Oh well. That’s just called uniquenes and individuality: we are allowed to pick and choose life partners, life experience, where we live, study and work without undue influence and control by other people: they have their own choices and lives to live.

Shut the door on that mother-daughter connection and let a new one begin: one where you do not tell her as much perhaps … (is it any of her business who you date?)… where you decide whether the lotus blossoms of your heart ought to be shared with someone – parent or not – who does not have the ability to be present with you, to have compassion for you, to have true love of you – which would allow – even encourage- life experiences regardless of his/her personal preference.

When you are old or when you are sick and dying, which life do you want to say you will have lived? Yours? or someone else’s?

And this is no boyfriend’s business – what goes  on with your mom.

If the ex boyfriend is now with someone else (that was the impression I had from reading your message), then you may have to be prepared that you will be pining for him but alone.  You can tell your current boyfriend that you don’t feel you are ready to commit to someone else yet … but if he wants to keep it light hearted and date, you can handle that… you and he can have an open conversation that is based on mutual respect:  maybe he would like to date you and others also… or just others…

You can present to him in a very kind and loving way what has been going on in your mind … the push and pull you have felt in loyalty between your heart (not being over an ex) and your mind (this boyfriend), you thought you could think your way to love, and realized that you couldn’t… and how sad you feel at possibly letting him down.

Many a time that a relationship ended for me like this it was fine – my partners and I always remained close friends and no one was disrespected or hurt:  you really cannot help what the heart does. It’s really not in your control: the heart will love as it will.  But it is very refreshing and very honorable to be clear with others about this, too, because in doing so you regain your self-respect:  you will have ‘taken a stand for the heart’ – for what brings emotional happiness and joy – and this is a very important thing in life.  It will be one step on a long road of courage and integrity.

Integrity is not living someone else’s life: it’s being able to live yours, even if that means at times standing alone.

No one can buy integrity.  It comes from having the wisdom and courage to see one’s truth and then live in accordance with it.

I know if I were your mother, I would be proud of a daughter like that.

Best wishes,

Christine

PS As unthinkable as this may seem, it is not altogether unsual for a mother to be a bit jealous of a daughter – a bit like the fairy tale Cinderella:  it’s not even necessarily a conscious jealousy, but what it is is sort of that twinge of realizing that the daughter has youth and a full life ahead of her, and what better way to cure this jealousy but to hold back the daughter unconsciously… in subtle ways?  It took me many years to observe those dynamics in my family and that’s why I am bringing this up. You really cannot know a person even if they are your mother. It took me thirty years to really understand the ins and outs of this ‘mother’ that I assumed really loved me… and wow. I really wish I had not just trusted her so easily and been so honest with her.  There is no describing the infinitely better my life could have been.

I just shared all this because it’s never a bad idea to question what we believe about someone — to really examine what their behaviors are… how they seem to speak … whether it’s with ridicule, derision, or loving.  They may say, “I love you,” but what is the rest of what is said?  I can say I love you and stab you in the back, too, right? So… always wise just to be alert when someone starts to control or seems to have strong negative reactions to something that is nothing of their business but that is deeply important to us. Generally, it means to distance from that relationship and ignore that person’s discontent altogether.  It’s not you who’s unhappy with your heart’s desires: it’s her. Too bad!  She can get therapy if she has those problems!  You’re the one who looks in the mirror every morning and you have to answer to that human being inside — that heart of yours — for the decisions you make in life.

Hoping this helps in some way!

PS about violence:  Anger can result in violence because it is an emotion that requires physical discharge or release.

I recommend that you get to a place where no one can hear you or bother you  — maybe a beach late at night or the woods — and jump yell kick scream out your anger.  Maybe bring a pillow.  Maybe buy a punching bag and punch it — release it.  Howl. Whatever it takes to let it go.

You are wise for having concern about acting it out.  Anger is an emotion that discharges through the body. And when a threshold is reached, a person can do terrible things without even realizing it.

So let that steam out in healthy ways.  Let it out and keep letting it out. Trust the process of letting the steam out. It’s really great to be punching pillows instead of yourself (mentally) or someone else (mentally and or physically) !!! So … by all means, release this anger that is boxed up inside waiting to come out.

Give yourself permission to do so when no one is around, and remember, direct it toward an object of some kind, like “I am so angry at ….! It hurts! I feel…..!  It’s so ….!”  Let it out!!!!! Get into what it is that is bothering you. Sob, kick scream if you have to. Let it all go………..

only when you do this can the anger go.

It’s the essential ingredient to healing anger: expressing your honest anger feelings, your justified anger feelings in a space and in a way that does not hurt another person, but that allows the emotion to release.

You can do this every day if you feel it would help.  My therapists told me this is the way to cope with anger so that is why I am sharing it.  How right they were! I could not feel safe expressing anger even in therapy and later, my body broke. I am hoping to spare any person what happened to me.

Go with this advice of healthy release of anger. Trust me… it will save you much grief down the road!!!!

by not resisting it!!! hehe

I don’t know if you meditate, but if you do, you probably have already noticed that thoughts are just waves… they automatically arise.

The only reason why THIS thought, “Except Katie” is sticky – that is, bothers you, is because of the underlying emotional need for her or desire for her, which went unfulfilled, thereby causing anger.  Anger is even stickier than desire. In other words, there is a karma associated with the toxicity of anger being in the mind: stickiness.  Anger is glue for bad thoughts to stick to. You may notice meaner thoughts arising in general, and not just ‘except Katie,’ but let not this writing cause these things to happen!  Simply expressing what all I learned about anger in the six months that I wrestled with it, and even though I knew it was a one dimensional nothingness, still… it was there.. it was sticky… the angry thoughts seemed to come up and I was seemingly bereft.

Pema Chodron’s advice was great:  she advocates being with the thought … then the underlying emotion.  In meditation. If you go to youtube and you listen to her speak about the technique of meditation that her teacher taught her … and you were to apply it … you would become quite a master over anger.  And this thought would arise against a blue sky and without the glue of anger, would pass as innocently as the nice thoughts about the daisies outside.

It’s far too long for me to go into and I still listen to the videos because the steps are not all memorized yet, but I am learning how to apply this form of meditation to all emotional clinging… because so far, this has been the best – bar none- way of self-learning that I have encountered.

Let this thought that you have rejected lead you to learn more about anger. What its role is. Why it is there. How legitimate it is on arising … and once you see it that way, once you understand you were justified in having it, you can bless the anger, you can say, “Henry, I realize I invested a lot of time in someone who seemed to not have appreciate me.” Incorporate what you learned about why the anger was there, and maybe it’s something like, “I was treated like a doormat” or “I was not appreciated. I am not responsible for what others do with my goodwill and affection, but … am I going to shrink back from expressing love just because of this one experience? No! Maybe I won’t be as forward… maybe I will be more reserved in how I express myself, but I will not stop being an expressive, nice person just because this other one over there was not sensitive, or didn’t appreciate me.” However the script goes for you.  And then, you can end this self-reflection with, “May I be at peace with the fact that not everyone is going to ‘get me,’ and that’s OK! I don’t need them to! I am happy with being who I am, and that is all that matters! I am allowed to feel angry and then when I have allowed that anger, it can pass. As does everything that arises in this world. Go ahead, Henry, express your anger!”  And you can talk to yourself as if you’re talking to someone else – because if you were talking to someone else, you’d be like “Hell yeah! You are allowed to be angry!”  I hated being angry – my therapist would tell me to punch pillows – but I couldn’t do it.  It took me twenty years to realize I was angry at things from 20 years ago – and I can’t be sure I worked it all out – but I can be sure that if I am angry in the future, I will allow the anger to arise and be with it, and have compassion for the self that was hurt and suffered, that’s for sure! Because even though that self and the anger can be seen as illusory, there is no reason to ever leave compassion and kindness for any reason – even if the very thing we are tackling is anger.  Anger is the greatest call for compassion possible: it is the result of some perceived failure in the mind of the person having it – that mind somehow punishing the human being associated with it for having loved in the first place. No. It’s ok to love. And it’s OK to have anger. Both are human emotions.

Do not fight the thought. Embrace it and say, “Henry, I love you, too. So glad to share this moment with you. So glad that I can shower you with love and compassion. It’s OK. Be angry. I will never judge you or leave you, even if I have done so before. Forgive me.”  And you will be amazed at the result.

Let me know if this helps!!!  PS forgive me for rambling — I have at times difficulty concentrating and organizing thoughts.

Christine

Hi again! I am working on an ipad which is annoying becuase it keeps blinking out. Ignore my last post as it seems utterly irrelevant! Hahah forgive that I did not see the great progress since the first question was posed.  Celebrating the news.  Blessings! Sorry for any inconvenience posting irrelevant stuff! Hehehe gotta love mercury retrograde when you are a Gemini like me. Wreaks havoc on communication!

If I may…. And calling you darling because that is loving and kind. If you are in this situation at all and actually do not FEEL the in appropriateness of the behaviors, darling is the way to address you, as you have yet to appreciate how love is… What it  is.  darling, it’s to uplift…. To inspire…. To adore… To encourage.  To also have these qualities and have them reflect back.  To be called and felt darling… To have the intimacy of heart melt … That on one’s spiritual and emotional growth through life… May these unfold as lotus blossoms… Is there room for abuse or disrespect?  Can you see now the incongruity between real love and what you would accept as a substitute? Can you trust your own higher wisdom and soul to lead you to an opportunity to give and receive love in the sacred space of vulnerability… Of openness.. Integrity????  One who possesses dignity and honor knows to rush to apology when harming a loved one… Would not even think to yell! darling, if I would never dream of yelling at you- and I do not yell at any living creature, having suffered all forms of violence in life… I who never met you, if I would not dream of yelling at you, why would it be remotely possible for any other to yell at you other than you do not feel worthy of better…. You will die before changing another. Worse…. In the process, you ce come a doormat.  I know. Been there done that. I tell you that you can trust your wisdom and insight…. That you can seek the assistance of the aspects of self which have gone down the path of life in realms of light… And you will know the wise choice instantly.  It may seem impossibly sad… It may seem compelling to cling to the life raft of the familiar, darling. The familiar being to accept what you already know.  Do not go down the easy path by default. It is the path of inner death.  Trust the light of love and compassion, which would rather die than ever hurt a living creature. Deep love awaits you. Be patient and trust… Because all love is within…. All the love you can ever have.  Do not let an outer seeking for partnership cause the degradation of the. Soul journey to greater authenticity, gentleness, opening, sharing, and light. I suffocated most of my life going in circles because I did not heed the warnings of others … May you just go for radiance within and you shall find it outside … And shall not be too entangled with marriage and kids to enjoy the experience of sharing the fullest and healthiest measure of true, respecting love.  Every blessing to you, Love. Sorry this ipad puts periods everywhere and I can’t edit easily.