Hi Anita,
I won’t be attending therapy with him as I have been there and done that but am open to it if the therapist asks me to attend. I do not have an issue no more as I was holding onto a lot of anger and resentment to him and was not willing to forgive which is what kept me stuck in my life in pain. And then I realised I need to forgive and let go for me, not for him.
I was not passive in the past session and definitely if their are future ones as I will always challenge her advice or observations if I did not agree with them.
I will be taking back of control on my life and I am a big believer of actions speak louder than words and if the healing path gets to difficult for him and he choses this is no longer his path, then I will continue on my own life path without him, even though it will be painful, but I will have to accept what is and let go and find the new better life that is intended for me.
Thank you for you support Anita and I hope you had a lovely birthday xxx

Hi Anita,
Yes I knew you was referring to my family and I agree that you should not pass your pain on to others but people are not so in control when they are hurting, and I have been a one of those people.
I agree on your comments about a therapist and it is the same therapist we both saw and instead of her focusing on the issue that cause the marriage break up she focused on my childhood and ripped me apart and I couldn’t take anymore and we never got round to him and his childhood issues.
He wants to get to the bottom of his issue and how he is lashing out at me and where his resentment lies with me and deal with it and heal it so he can heal himself and our marriage.
I feel I have to give him the chance to want to be open to heal himself with counselling, as we are all not perfect and we all make mistakes and it is how we want to deal with those mistakes and heal them that makes us grow as a better person.
And the our make up is stemmed from our childhood issues as I discovered in our counselling sessions and I have grown and healed from them, so surely I owe it to him to do the same and give him the chance to open those can of worms and heal?
I don’t want to have regrets and think what if? As I feel you should live your life with no regrets.

Hi Anita,
Yes he did but now I hear how he regrets what he said and is hurting from me not being in his life and wants to reach out to me but doesn’t know how too. Everyone always says I ma my fathers favourite as I am my fathers daughter as he has brought me up with the morals, values and integrity he follows and we are very similar.
We both value loyalty, respect and knows what the word family mean (bit ironic as look how he treated me!) My father is very traditional and would never admit he is sorry but what sickens me is that he fell out with my sister a few years back and apologised to her a few weeks later but I hear only because he didn’t want the relationship to turn out like ours did.
I see it he knows where I live and if he is truly sorry then he should not let his pride get in the way and repair the relationship with his daughter that he broke and freely threw away as he let his anger get in the way

Dear Anita,

Thank you and I have slowly learnt that people who go out there way to hurt others are either jealous or in pain theirselves.
My mother for some reason dislikes me and I have stopped trying and caring to understand why as that is her pain that she has to deal with and how now she no longer has a relationship with her daughter for over 12 years now. She never liked that I was independent and never needed her like my siblings and she is that type of mother that needs to be needed – sad really!
What saddens me is that my dad always use to defend me and the day I fell out with my mum I caught him on a bad day and he defended her and said awful things to me and told me to decide if they were good enough parents for me and if they wasn’t then don’t contact them again and I chose not to as I decided that they and my family caused me more pain in my life than support and I have been much happier without their spiteful words, judgement and negativity in my life.

Dear Anita,
Happy Belated Birthday and I am sorry to read your post and I feel for you and totally understand your disconnection with the world as I too feel the same!
My childhood was a lonely one even though I had 3 older sisters and 1 older brother. My mother treated me very unfairly and favoured my siblings to me and was very emotionally abusive to me, telling me I was an adopted child or I was found in a trash can and that she wanted to leave me in Vietnam and wish she did. (I live in the UK now and I was one of the vietnamese boat people in 1979)
I never felt loved as a child which saddens me but it has spurred me on to be a strong person and not need anyone to help me get where i have got in my life. The last few years my marriage has been tough and my life, wrong career choices and feel like I can’t find my way and am lost!
I have done a lot of healing from Reiki and Flower remedies that have helped me release deep issues in my life and old patterns and I have come a long way since last year.
I have had to deal with a lot of anger and have a very short fuse and fly off the handle very quickly and I have worked on that issue and manage to control it better.

Dear Lost,
I feel your pain I really do as I love my husband very much but he has lost his way and unfortunately I have been a target of his pain and resentment for the last 3 years and now I have come to a point where enough is enough and I cannot take anymore as my life has been about him and my marriage and I am ready to have my life about me as it should be.
The hardest thing is that we both want the same things and can’t get there because of his pain.
I hope you find a resolution in your marriage if not then a way to accept and let go what can’t be changed as I have learnt that now I have to let him go if I love him and if it is meant to be then he will find his way back before it is too late – which I hope he does!

Dear Juanita,
I’m sorry you don’t have a support system too and it suck right? It was a hard lesson for me to learn that the only person I can rely on is myself. How screwed up is that! I have confided in a handful of people but when I am at my lowest point of despair I feel that the only person who can resolve it is myself and I know it is hard and sometimes I feel I can’t deal with it at all but I have manage to just let the pain and hurt out in tears and think there is light at the end of the tunnel and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger as they say. And I am getting stronger but it has taken me a while as I know that there is something bigger and better waiting for me out there and that is what I need to find even if it means going through this heartache of pain!
Yes he does have issues to deal with and we are not on the same page as he refused to see it, and unless he does deal with his issues and demons there will be no more marriage as I have come to the end of this chapter in my life!
We cannot have a trial separation as we both have no where to go apart from our marital home so currently we are living in separate bedrooms as I do not want to share a bed with him, due to the hurt, disrespect he has shown me once again and need to be true to myself.

Dear Jan,
I am so sorry for what you are going through and I would never wish heartache on anyone – Trust me it is the most pain I have felt, the yearning for someone to love and fight for you so much to save your marriage and the life you promised to live with each other forever!
I cannot say I know what you are going through as he has chosen to move on with another women and you have no control or choice in this.
My advice to you is to try and accept what has happened and let him go as you deserve so much better and if someone doesn’t want to be in your life then let them leave! I have tired to hold on to my husband so long and it has been detrimental to myself and my marriage as he has blamed me for controlling him and I have realise I need to let him go to find himself and not blame me for his life no more and take responsibility for his own life and actions!
You will be loved again and thinking you won’t is absurd! You have to value yourself, love yourself and believe in yourself as loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do and should be the first thing you do!
If you can’t love yourself then how do you expect others to love you? You are worthy of the love you deserve and if you don’t believe that then how do you expect others to see the true you?
Fear is what holds us back and don’t let fear control your life as this is what is stopping you living the life that you deserve and the future that is waiting for you.
A friend once told me I have to let my husband go, so my new husband can find me and thank me for it one day!
I hope I can be a support to you and vice versa and together we can help each other through this heart ache we are going through x

Dear T,
You are 100% right and I thank you for your supporting and kind words! Deep down I know I have the strength as I have always been strong person and when he broke me last year I swore to myself I would never let him break me again and I live to that promise as there are times I have to dig deep and will continue to as I want to be happy! x

Thank you everyone for all your support and only time will tell if my husband will finally wake up and get back on the right path of life with me as I have made it clear to him I have run out of time as I have given all I can give in my marriage for the last 3 years and not willing to give anymore as it takes two people to make a marriage work and I can’t carry the weight of our marriage no more and not willing too as I deserve so much more in my life, a husband that loves me, protects me and be the family unity I want so we can have our own family.