You’re right Anita

I think I’ve just realised that even if for whatever reason he was not attracted to me or found my health hard to deal with in our romantic relationship, that alone does not make him a bad person.

But he should have enough respect for me as a friend to not have ever said the things he said to another person, especially a complete stranger on the interned. And to say them in such derogatory language and laugh about it.

He says he cares about me as a friend, hut I think he looks at me as a crutch until he finds his  next ” victim ” and as a personal therapist and someone to talk to about his problems.

He does listen to my problems occasionally which I feel like probably a lot greater than his but the conversation is soon turned back onto himself

And I guess if he really does believe that I would get back with him at the drop of a hat, he probably finds that’s good for his ego to have me around.

Does it make me weak to still worry about him and his depression and and wellbeing?.

I guess I’ve made excuses for his selfish behaviour both while we were together in a relationship and now as friends because of his depression, but either way I know I don’t deserve that treatment.

think I’ve put his well-being out of my own though and I guess that is not healthy.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Louise.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Louise.

I am part of quite a few Facebook groups and that has been invaluable.

I guess i still just struggle with what I almost think of as grieving for the life I thought I would have and the things i miss out on and may miss out on in the future. There’s so many things I want to do.

It obviously upsets me that he thinks that whenever he wanted to I would have sex with him but I know that isn’t reason for him remaining my friend.

And in any case that is not true i would not do that.

I guess we are both in s situation where we have little other in the way of friends, myself due to not working anymore and loosing friends as I can’t socialise much because of my health. So I think we have become attached to each other as that person to talk to or hang out with.

I now know from the things he said that he does not respect me one bit and I would never enter s relationship with him again.

I guess I cling to the friendship for a companion and also I stupidly feel responsible for him. I feels pretty ridiculous after everything he said even caring about him and his wellbeing, and I’m pretty sure when he starts dating again I will be yesterday’s news to him although he has told me that it won’t be.

In a “normal” situation I would do all those things like meet new people, start a class etc but as I’m largely housebound I keep thinking without him I would have no one to talk to.

It’s obvious my confidence is gone as I know the me of 5 years ago would have not allowed this behaviour.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Louise.

Elaina

Thank you so much for your words they really help

I’m really sorry you are going through tough times as well.

My ex fiance and I were still together and a friend approached me and said my fiance was talking to a mutual friend and saying we had split up already and he was single and said things about our sex life being rubbish and on holiday he did everything he could to be by himself.
• He had previously told people he was single and kept his life quite compartmentalised so could get away with it, yet never get a conversation with me that he wasn’t happy.
• We had only been engaged for 2 months but had been together for 3 years.

The current ex who is on the dating profile and spoke about me said derogatory comments about my body size and how he never was attracted to me at all and he was embarrassed of me (I have to use a wheelchair at times)  also it was boring bring with someone who’s unwell also said that we have stayed friends and he could have sex with me anytime he wanted ( he used different words to what I have)  but he wouldn’t

Also said he told me he loved me but that it wasn’t true. He also said sexually he wasn’t happy because if my health problems I couldn’t do things he wanted and because it wasn’t very regular because I’m unwell

He said I am lonely so he stays friends with me so I’m not alone and feels sorry for me as I’m ill and my family live 4 hours away and I have no friends.

These are both men in mid 30s, both have young children and good jobs etc, I might have understood this behaviour from teenage boys but not grown men.

And both men knew I was ill before they started a relationship

My confidence is gone. And I feel no more want with my health conditions as it’s pretty obvious both guys had a problem with it both to be with me and sexually.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Louise.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Louise.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Louise.