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miranamParticipant
Hi Helen,
I second the answers here and I also wanted to add a different point of view.
I sometimes disagree with the commonly adopted statement that “feelings and emotions are the result of our conscious or subconscious thoughts. I think that there is a purely organic, hormonal part of it. I have noticed that I tend to “long for something” and experience more sadness and anxiety in the morning hours, while in the afternoon and at night I feel more in peace with myself. I virtually could notice how a bad feeling initiate a bad thought. What I am trying to practice lately is the awareness of the feeling (emotion, sensation) and just trying to relax and accept that sometimes I feel this way without any reason. “Oh, it is just hormonal, it will pass” – I say to myself. I try to not believe in the thoughts which arise during this “hormonally induced” feelings.
I am not trying to resist bad sensations anymore, this way they have less power and eventually subside.
I don’t pretend holding the truth, but what if in your case you would feel this way regardless of your life circumstances, your relationship with your parents, your sense of self-worth and self-accomplishment. What if you are trying to put your finger on something which have a purely organic (genetic) explanation which you might want to work on accepting Just another perspective…
I whish you a very best of luck in your soul search.
miranamParticipantHi Jen, Sorry to hear you are not happy in your relationship. It is difficult to give an advice here: it all depends. Maybe you are in the root if the issue, maybe him. In your post I read a lot of self-criticism. While sometimes it can be good and healthy, sometimes it is just destructive. Have you told him how you feel? Are you afraid of revealing yourself to him? 8 months doesn’t seem to be too short to “have right” to open up.
If your attachment style is unsecure, there is nothing wrong about it. It is what it is. Maybe you just need your “minimum” which he is not able to give. Maybe you could identify, literally write down for yourself what you are looking for in a relationship (as detailed as possible). And then to see if this person is a good fit for you. Now if you see that your needs and expectations are unrealistic, then you might want to work on it.
We should not feel ashamed for the way we feel. While there is always place for the self-growth and self-improvement, we don’t need to be someone or to pretend to be someone we are not. It never helped me in my life. -
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