Dear srk,

TLDR : Get the NoFap app and subscribe to the NoFap subreddit.

If it is any help knowing that you are not alone in overcoming a pornography addiction / that it is possible to gain control over a pornography addiction I let you know that I struggled with a pornography addiction for a long while. However, it is possible to gain control of a pornography addiction; I have not viewed pornography as of May 2017.

Here are some remarks on things that helped me overcome my pornography / masturbation addiction that are immediately applicable and hopefully will be helpful for you as well :

The biggest thing that helped me was finding the app: NoFap. I would highly recommend it to you. Also, I found the NoFap subreddit to be very helpful. For me both of these resources were places of motivation and inspiration. Further, the app gave me an alternative / distraction when an urge would come to consume pornography, when I would normally go on my phone to consume pornography I would pass by the app, click on it instead, and refocus myself and my desire to overcome this addiction.

Other things that I found helpful were:

• Cold showers : this trains you to be able to tolerate discomfort
• Doing push-ups when I felt overcome by the urge to masturbate

I really liked what Mark mentioned regarding an accountability buddy. I personally never had one because I never felt comfortable opening up to someone about my addiction, but I think this could be a powerful tool. In a sense, the NoFap subreddit serves as an accountability buddy; it for the most part really is a beautiful site.

Here is something else to consider that you might find helpful : Personally, I found that pornography and masturbation were inextricably linked that I could not really keep one and can the other. Also, for me, I was more concerned by my masturbation addiction than my pornography addiction. I say this so that you at least consider the idea of working to overcome both addictions; of course, assuming that you also consider yourself to be addicted to masturbation.

Here are some meta thoughts that you might find helpful as a more long term solution to overcoming your addiction / keeping yourself from returning to past habits :

Now days I still have urges to masturbate and what I have found to help me the most in dealing with moments when I just want to give in / have started to give in is to remind myself that I quit for a good reason. And, I find that that is generally enough just mentally repeating that to myself: I quit for a good reason. For me a big reason why I quit / don’t want to return to the prior person is because I disliked how much time I wasted on this addiction which I could have spent on pursuing my true passions, such as math. Of course, there are so many more reasons I could give of why I don’t want to become encaptured by this addiction again. But, the important thing is to find your reason; why do you want to quit (and that may change with time and that’s okay too) and remind yourself of it when you want to relapse. Also, I will just note because I think this is important is that from my experience this tactic is not helpful when you are just beginning to remold your habit schema because at this time point the habit will be too powerful and strongly imprinted onto your brain for an elusive / intangible future reward to overcome a short term powerful reward of immediate short-term pleasure. I have only found it helpful having been abstinent from these addictions for some time period because then there is the immediate reward of not wanting to undo your past hard-work versus the short term reward of temporary pleasure. Also, if it is helpful I think / personally found that if you manage to abstain from your addiction for a while this mentality will naturally arise; that is there is no need to artificially say this or try to induce this tactic to stop yourself from looking / consuming pornography just let this mentality / tactic come when it comes and until then use the other tactics listed above that you find / cultivate for yourself.

The last thing that I think is important as a more long-term solution to overcoming your addiction is to consider the psychological aspect of the addiction / habit. I have heard it said (I don’t remember exactly how it goes but the gist is) that your actions / habits / addictions that exist in your life are there because they are helping you meet a (subconscious) need or desire. The idea is if you can figure out the need / desire that your pornography addiction is helping you meet” then you can engage in other methods of meeting these needs / desires that you find more agreeable. And, maybe you find that there are no agreeable alternatives methods for meeting that desire directly and that’s okay too, but at least you now understand yourself and that desire better and can perhaps partially meet it.

For me, I think that my masturbation / pornography addiction was in some ways trying to help me meet” the need / desire for connection with a woman and human connection and also as a depressant” for my anger at living at home, etc… I think a big underlying reason fueling my addiction after a certain point was that I was not getting enough human connection especially with people that I enjoyed being around and just felt lonely and sad and was suffering… I can’t say that always get enough of the meaningful / deep human connection (maybe that is just a problem with my perspective?), but I am fortunate enough to be working with people that I enjoy seeing and I get to see them every weekday and it at least seems to meet some baseline level of human connection and is generally enough to ward off some underlying desire to engage in masturbation / pornography. I think this YouTube video on addiction ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao8L-0nSYzg ) captures well this sense that addiction is in some way tied in to a lack of human connection and is very thought-provoking. I think this point of there being some minimal threshold of real-life human interaction that wards off this loneliness which, at least for me, was the breeding ground for the habits of pornography and masturbation is very important. I really liked VJ’s comment on ways to gradually increase one’s level of interaction with others – something else that I struggled with. Personally, I found dancing to be very enjoyable way to get this dose of human connection.

Honestly, I guess I should say I found breaking this addiction to be a battle, and it still is at times to keep these past habits away, but it is definitely worth it (at least I have found it to be so). It is definitely the most difficult at the beginning, but the good thing is that the struggle gets easier as time goes on.

You can do it; I believe in you!

And, I wish you more than luck on your journey to overcome your pornography addiction, and I am sending a lot of love and good thoughts your way (check your mail in about a week),

🙂