I have seen my therapist as well as an emotional healer since my last post. Both were very helpful and I’m feeling a bit lighter today.

The emotional healer told me that my previous ex’s energy was still taking up so much space that there was no room for my now recent ex. She said that our agreement at a soul level had been fulfilled though, which was for the relationship to teach me to step into my power. She asked if, as a child, I was often told to be quiet, which is true. She kept seeing me as a 4 year-old girl and said that’s when I felt like I lost some power. When I was younger I was fearless, sure of myself, confident, curious – she’s right. She explained my previous relationship as a servant/master situation, where I did what I was told and even when I said “no”, was dismissed. She told me I was an empath and healer, which I kind of already knew. I absorb other’s emotions and energies very easily, and become very affected by them – that’s why I stayed with my ex for 3 years. I just wanted to help. She did some reiki work to help clear my second chakra and help me reclaim my power and energy. She said my most recent ex is kind in seeing this and giving me the space to do so. I know that, and for that, I am grateful. I hope he is open to trying again in the future after I continue my self-love work.

Most people suggest “no contact” after a breakup, but in this situation I’m not sure. I definitely want to give things time to breathe and settle, but I also know that we are both still important to the other, and want to stay in each other’s lives. He said he hoped for a chance to try us again, but wanted to be friends at the very least. I guess I’ll see when I’m ready – he told me to reach out first, as I’m the one dealing with my issues mostly.

Thank you for the responses. How I wish I could suggest going to couples therapy, but he has been firm in his belief that I need to sort through this on my own. He is an inherently joyful and easygoing person, so our fights and my lashing out really took a toll on him. I don’t want to put him through that anymore, as much as I’ll miss him.

I wish I had started going to therapy much earlier so I could learn such interpersonal skills and put them to use in the relationship. I’m trying so hard not to fall into a hole thinking this is all my fault. He wasn’t perfect, no. He doesn’t really have any relationship baggage, which is good I guess, but I also don’t think he knew what to expect when he continued to pursue me after I told him what I was going through.

I’m just trying to trust the universe. I struggle with obsessive thoughts, self-blame, and fear. I am always hard on myself and it’s hard for me to see this as something that’s not all my fault. I know therapy will help me with this and this will be a good opportunity for me to be kinder to myself. I’m just so heartbroken that I’ve lost him.