Anita, thanks for your quick reply. I keep trying to tell myself that I am straight also. But the incident I had and plus my porn viewing habit really left me questioning myself. I have cut the porn out, and am working on my self esteem issues, and stopping the comparison to other men and it seems to be helping. My social awkwardness and my tendencies to isolate myself however is causing me to have doubts because I cant find women I am interested in to date. I simply go to work, back home, rinse and repeat. I think the negative self talk I have with myself, and my past experiences with my abuser is really holding me back. Also I am having a hard time letting go of what my “friend” did to me.  I tried just moving past it all but it seems keeps rearing its ugly head again and again. I don’t hate gay people, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with being gay. I never really got a chance to deal with it all, and I have no one to talk to or trust enough to talk to about it.