Blessings,
My mouth dropped open when I read your post Lispol. I learned and am learning about my role in gossiping at work. I made a HUGE mistake and shared with someone who said they would not say anything…. blah blah blah you know how it turned out. Since then I have been struggling with self-esteem and my need to “make things better.” ie- me feel more comfortable.

I am claiming ownership of my deeds. Of course I want others to know they are accountable as well-but alas I am not in charge of their journey. Too bad- because I am running for General Manager of the Universe.

My past mistakes (learning experiences) have taught me how not to handle things to “make things better”.  I have apologized-not sure if there was behavior change, I have made nice, I wanted people to be on “my side”, used manipulation etc. These things just allowed me to focus on “them” and not me.

It is extremely painful to sit in an office where I feel shunned. That doesn’t mean they are shunning me. I am doing a lot of Self Forgiveness talk. Constantly. And it is still painful. I feel raw sometimes. Other times I feel in my power.

I found a fantastic quote in the book Call to Courage. It starts-“Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough, You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal.”  “Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.” I love that last line!

As I read over these words I am aware I am feeling vulnerable (my 1st post). Sending loving kindness to all who are in the exact same place as we are.

Thank you Lisbol for your post. Gave me a lot to think about.

Peace, Kathleen