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You sound like such a beautiful soul. We are all flawed in our own ways, but it is good that you did some reflecting on your relationship. That is necessary work on the road to healing.
I’m going to be very honest:
1) Your ex sounds like a narcissist/taker
2)Your bandmate is not your friend
3) The pandemic did not have anything to do with her selfishness. Her true self would’ve been revealed at one point or another.
4) Move on the best way you can
It sounds like your ex takes and takes. She needed support for herself and her child, so she took from you. You got engaged and she left but took the ring you gave her. Now she has moved on to a new, fresh source of attention. She may soon grow bored with that and will move on, leaving a path of destruction in her wake.
I would keep doing the self work, and not contact her anymore. You sound like a giver and she sounds like a taker. Keep in mind that when she senses that you are moving on, she will be back to take and take.
It is what narcissists do.
I hope you find someone who is worthy of all you have to offer. Who doesn’t challenge you to be better” because they already think you’re great.
Meanwhile, find joy in the little things-the sunrise, the birds chirping, when someone holds a door for you, a great cappucino and the foam design on top. Listen to babies laugh. YouTube videos of puppies and children, animal rescues. Fill your spirit with joy. Tire yourself out during the day so you are exhausted at night.
Don’t give up hope. You are already loved, my dear.
Hi,
Congratulations! You are on a wonderful path and I wish you much success. If you dont mind, I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned:
I finished my Master’s Degree a few years ago, and now I’m working on my doctoral degree.
When I applied to grad school, I contacted the chairperson of the programs that interested me and requested a meeting. This helped me to learn about the culture of the program and whether or not it was a good fit.
When I was earning my Master’s, my father-in-law got sick and passed away, my husband became physically and mentally abusive, I was in two bridal parties, I lost my job, and I ran away into a homeless shelter for abused women. I thought I’d never be able to finish grad school so I told my school I wanted to cancel classes. One day, after talking to my mom and a therapist, I realized that I wanted to have something to show for my time. I also wanted to accomplish a goal. My whole life, I’d never really set a goalband achieved. I was fortunate, but not very proactive. I didn’t want to quit (which was something I was very good at doing). I ended up asking my advisor how I could make up the work I missed and graduate on time. A few people said it was impossible; well, I ignored them, and I ended up completing everything and graduating in two years.
1) Contact the chairperson of your program prior to applying. Have a meeting. That way, you will be more than just a GRE score.
2) Look at what’s required of you and be realistic. See how it fits into your work and personal schedule. Don’t feel guilty if you are too busy to go to the mall, movies, etc. At the same time, take time for fun.
3) Remember, there’s nothing that you can’t do. You are never too old, too young, too anything. Make the time you have count.
Congratulations on beginning such a wonderful journey.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 