Chris,

Thank you for sharing. I’m 24 and recently finished my master’s degree in a different country. My experiences there, with the ‘real’ world forced me into withdrawing within myself. I found myself so hurt by the lack of sensitivity in people that I cannot bring myself to connect with people anymore. What this lead to, was introspection into who I really am. I also noticed how my behaviour changed with other people and I acquired this different personality around them.

When I initially started reflecting on my behaviour, I noticed that every time I was not being myself, I would feel drained, empty, demotivated. As Sapnap and you said, the bit about drinking: I don’t enjoy alcohol too but whenever a friend rings up, I find myself planning nights out. Once I’ve kept the phone, I realize that I don’t really want to do this. It makes you feel like crap knowing that you are being someone who makes others happy and that with every action you are, in a way, denying your true self.

This is a process I’ve undertaken over the last few months and what helped me was creating a space where I could be genuine and true with myself. It involved spending quite some time isolated and in peace with myself. I’m trying to bring this person into all my conversations with others: it is not easy. I’m still making mistakes, but with every step I am being more and more genuine and vulnerable with others.

I finally realized that it is not my job to make others happy. Sure, I should be good but I don’t have to please everyone. I’ve loosened my hold on my relationships and now I let things take their course. This has changed my relationship with almost everyone around me; fewer people are around but I am happier and more peaceful. Now, when I have important work-related meetings, I find that I am not afraid as such. I don’t feel the pressure to please them or make them happy or to put on a false face. As I am comfortable and genuine and present, they start to feel the same.

Sorry I don’t have any media recommendations, just sharing my own ongoing experience 🙂 It takes great courage to be true to oneself. I’m still working on it too… Good luck!

Best,
N

PS: Matt, thank you for sharing some profound wisdom. What you said is true, that the self is constantly evolving. In this context, it has helped me look at my struggle in new light. I guess, with the ‘false’ and ‘real’ self debate, it is really just essential to be honest with yourself in the present moment and nothing more. I don’t think we’re seeking an Ideal self as much as honesty with our self, whoever we are in the present moment.