I sit down sometimes and wonder about the world around me…the people in it. Why are we all so different? We would be boring right? Except why do you feel so bad when you try to help people, show them compassion, show them happiness, yet never receive anything in return. True; we do not give to receive, but we expect some sort of gratitude in return, even if it is just to say “thank you”. Many a time I have felt like this, but since studying Buddhism, I understand now. We do not show compassion to provide happiness for ourselves. We need to cherish others and want to help them through their struggles and difficulties without any benefit to ourselves. Many of us are guilty of self-cherishing; selfishness and putting ourselves before others. When we try to help people and do not receive a positive response to that action, it is a test. These things are sent to test our patience, test how we react. Often, we may react with “how can they do this I am better than them!”. The word “better” suggests a significant amount of pride in us. What makes us better than anyone? This is a delusion in our minds. You may say “I am good at music” or “I am good at card making”, but this then becomes a problem when you suggest you are better than others because of this. Recognise your strengths, but do not use that strength as a weakness of others.

We may respond with “i cant believe they did this im such a failure” or “its because im so stupid and not likeable that they hurt me”. This is discouragement; another delusion in our minds. This is not true; you are not worthless, unlike able, useless or disappointing.

They are our distorted views of reality. Wisdom, is the ‘happy medium’. On the contrary to beliefs, wisdom is about what you learn, your realistic views, regardless of your age. Your wisdom tells you that these delusions are not realistic and it is only in your mind.

It is difficult to show compassion towards those who have wronged us. Instead, we may show feelings of anger. This is easy to do, and compassion is difficult to achieve in these circumstances.

Showing compassion towards others can free us of our own pain and anger. For example, sometimes if we refuse to show forgiveness to someone who has wronged us, we can continue to feel hurt, pain and anger. The theory behind this is that this does not make a difference to the person who caused the wronging nor does it make a positive difference to you. Chances are, the person who has hurt you is not giving a second thought to how you are feeling or what negativity their actions may have caused. Therefore, we may continue to live a life of bitterness and anger for what someone has done. To reduce the chances of this and have a happy, fulfilling life, we should forgive those who have wronged us. However, this does not mean a person can ‘walk all over us’. A person still needs to be confronted about their actions and must know that the way they have behaved is unacceptable. Instead of rehearsing again and again in your mind, forgive their actions and move on. One of the problems we have is that we ‘dwell’on the past. It is wise to look at your actions and think what you could have done differently, however leave it as just that. Worrying and wondering what could have been if you behaved or reacted in a certain way will not change what has happened. It is done; move on.

I have often felt “why is this happening to me? Why me!?”. We have these ideas that negativity comes our way and life it out to ‘get us’. Why not look at it as that these are tests sent to us. We are meant to be learning the art of ‘patience’ and until we learn this, we will come face to face with these negative situations. You may interpret patience in different ways. For me, it is about learning everything cannot fall into place, everything cannot be Perfect as you wish them to be. We have heard the saying “patience is a virtue” and “good things come to those who wait”. If we expect everything to fall into place at once, we will face negative situations. This could be within education, employment, friendships, relationships, new homes etc. We cannot always get what we want at the ‘get go’. Because we expect things to go smoothly, our patience is tested. We need to learn that this is not always the end result and we need to be patient in receiving what we desire.