Steve, o.k. I am not fond of the concept of “misery loves company’. I don’t think it should make any normal person feel better to know that another person is suffering in any way along side them or in any way they perceive is worse (it certainly should not, at any rate). However, still makes us feel better we are not alone in the desert, or unique in crossing these deserts – in such, sharing I think there is hope (we are tribal so it comforts us to know we are not alone in that respect). And, then we can be the angels for each other were are actually sent here to be.

I have come to believe in my experiences and working with others (and not getting what I want; getting exactly what I have wanted; or otherwise, having the sht kicked out of me and losing absolutely everything I held dear) that we are here for two reasons that encompass everything else one can thing of – we are here to grow and to give (nothing else). Still, when I can quiet my mind, I am a bit shamed by the so many blessings, gifts, and things to be thankful for in this life experience.

So, your experience and sharing is probably helping you accomplish both and being a light for others you will never know. You are (from the hues and colors in your words a good and caring person) that should count for more than $$$$$ (or the lack thereof).

Aside: The problem with your country (and mine – Canada) and our society is a different matter my friend (gamed/ rigged capitalism). What happens to a pride of lions if only the ones with the biggest mane gets to eat and does not have to catch any of the the food in the first place? Eventually the ones that catch the food all die… and the Hyenas eat the ones that are left!! The American dream only works if the playing field to turn that dream into reality is a level playing field – it never was (remember that The Declaration of Independence – as noble a document and premise as it was – was written by the wealthiest and most powerful men in the country). The closet the United States ever came to codifying the rights of every man, woman, and child was FDRs 2nd Bill of Rights (which died when he did). Social capitalism is the only harmonious model that works in nature, and it has been the only one that works for tribal creatures like us (any and all faiths converge on these values). We have forgotten we are all equal, and only survived to even get to this point by collaboration and being tribal where every member of the tribe was equally and critically important to the survival, success, and evolution of the group (that is not communism by the way). This brand of capitalism (winners that make the rules and losers who don’t) is a cancer and it is not your fault, my fault, or – pretty sure – anyone’s reading this.

Moving on:

My story (hope it helps in some way): only child, super supportive middle-class parents, all the opportunities for the most privileged of education and peer groups (yeah for me!). I became enamoured with ‘stuff’ (but always had compassion and empathy for people – and a sense of responsibility to help others as both an obligation and privilege).

Despite studying to be a Jesuit priest and work with children and single mothers in South and Central America, I went the opposite direction and became a tiny member of the group that exemplify the problem in our society. I went into the investment business where sociopathy, narcissism, and even psychopathy is considered a virtue. These people and the materialism and measuring success by ‘things’ / ‘stuff’ and status is all that matters – this is the capitalism where someone wins by how much someone else loses.

O.k. if you are still with me – thank you. The point is, I made a lot of $$$$ (relative term believe me) – while you can eat and indulge a distraction here and there – you can be poor at $100,000… or $500,000… or $1,000,000 – then you have no place to hide because the illusions have all been exposed. But I was always envious of the guys at the next level up (because – to me – those guys had made it and had it made).

I had good times and my kids had fun (kids are all that matter in the end – if you have them), but making sure I was number 1 in my firm and industry (to assure I had won the immunity idol and would climb the next rung) was protecting my family – right? I was travelling all the time. i didn’t spend the time I wanted with my heroes – my kids. No amount of money can ever by that back. Ended up in a nice house with nice cars wondering why I was petrified and unsatisfied. Perhaps sleeping in the basement of my big house (6,000 sq ft) on a couch with my Doberman and Great Dane for ten years should have been a clue, because my (now) x (who is now back with her previous X multi-millionaire husband) didn’t want to sleep (or anything else) with me. She did, however, want me to be ‘on the road’ making as much money as possible and for me to come home occasionally to clean up the month or so of two giant dogs doing their business in the back yard twice a day (every day… including the rain) while I was gone (no one was ever inclined to take them for a walk, or to otherwise help in this regard.

By this time, all I could think of was saving my (long dead) marriage and the dream of family I always had since I was a little boy. I was (am still) a hopeless romantic – what can I say (a lot as you will see… hopefully some pearls from my own scars of wisdom).

Business got tougher (stock market and economy sewered in 2000 and again in 2008, I got older (less desirable instead of more in sales for some reason) – wife replaced me with her x-husband (who came from a wealthy family and was still wealthy). I think she was actually ‘replacing’ me on going with her previous x while I was still living in the house.

Aside: history repeated itself as she did the same to him with some other guy who climbed the trellis every night and fathered a child in the process… which I raised as my own when I stumbled along a year latter to pick up the pieces for her.

Back to the more recent time story: she still wanted half of my income (funny how that happens). Father was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma and given less than two years to live; (still defying the odds so that is good); a car tried to hit me while I was on a training run one week from Ironman Canada, and I ruptured three discs in my back and needed to re-learn how to walk (let alone run) over the next six months (while still trying to do meetings with a cane because I knew my 25 year old Jr. associate was after my job and was actually undermining me at every opportunity behind my back). I Lost my job at 52 (not a good idea to lose your job once you cross 40 as you know), Company lost patience because I only had a growth of 72% when the wanted 120%. This was off the back of the worst recession since 1929… which is a depression and is still going on, and will get much worse – by the way, absolutely nothing has changed on Wall Street… and it never will until we are fighting coyotes over scraps of food!

My firm replaced me with two guys whose combined age was still less than mine, and who had three years of experience between them. Half of the severance package went to (our version) of IRS and most of the other half went to my x. After 600 plus resumes and attempt to stay in the game and not even being able to get a job as a chicken catcher – I kid you not – I knew, despite all my fancy degrees, I was in BIG TROUBLE. After nearly two years in my little apartment I had moved to after the separation; without an income, I was royally screwed (but the government justice program was still trying and accumulating an on-going debt against me for $5,000 a month for my x-wife (my youngest child was 21 by this time so it was lifestyle for her, not family support). I thought 50% of salary when the salary is zero is zero??? Guess I missed that class in Calculus!! Since the lawyer who could fix this needed a $4,000 retainer and I did not have $400 let alone $4,000 I was up the creek without a poodle 🙂 Meanwhile, she was holidaying at one of the properties of her new boyfriend (x-husband) in Cabo, Acapulco, or Kelowna, British Columbia every two or three months (or otherwise driving the new car he just bought her), while the government had suspended my drivers license and was after my passport to encourage me to pay up (did not make much difference since I could no longer pay my insurance so I ended up giving my car to my daughter in any event). Somehow taking away a person’s means of livelihood seems paradoxical to get them to pay support payments – impoverishing one person to sustain a lifestyle for another (who never worked outside the home – which I never minimize) seems flawed to me.

By this time, I had also gotten re-married (before I lost my job or realized the cliff I was heading towards) to a wonderful woman I met in Ecuador (who by the way lost her job the same exact time (like the same day!!!) I lost mine because she would not succumb to the sexual overtures of her new boss; and, when she raised the sexual harassment issue with her human resources – she got involuntarily separated from payroll) .

Since the Canadian government in all their racist/ and racially profiling wisdom makes it very difficult for Latinos to even visit Canada as tourist, let alone move there, the best case scenario was seventeen months waiting (don’t think either of us being unemployed would have enhanced our chances of a successful outcome to get her to Canada). I managed to learn Spanish (más o menos) from scratch as she speaks no English – necessity is ever the mother of invention – fight tooth and nail to raise a bit of capital to start an import/ export business between Ecuador and Seattle/ Vancouver; and, got on a plane to Ecuador (before any issues with my passport closed that door). Left all the shards of the material ($20,000 worth of books for example) in my little apartment because we were starting a business between North and South America with a guy I wanted to help (who had gone through a similar meat grinder), who in turn brought a mercenary sociopath in that convinced us to be in teak (which we knew nothing about), because we could make $200,000 a month (we heard what we wanted and needed to hear) – perfect (ship was finally coming in). Off to Ecuador I go and left my apartment with all my stuff to my son so he did not have to pay rent and could focus on school. Well, the teak was a disaster (bad and very difficult business – negative thing in any event) and we lost what little we had. Couldn’t pay the rent. Son was’t interested in any event. Kid’s weren’t interested in helping me out (even the one I gave my car to) and felt it was my fault and responsibility. So, I lost every piece of clothing, furniture, book, Ironman/ fitness equipment, and kitchen stuff (loved cooking). Everything I still had that was not ravaged after the separation and divorce – every single thing including diplomas, memorabilia that could never be replaced, etc, etc.

Critical point: I have heard one of the most important things we can do to assure (or at least not hinder) financial success, is to marry wisely (not necessarily well from a status perspective). Someone that is a true best friend and partner that we not only love and respect, but admire and grow from. Think I would have been better off meeting my now wife way back when (but then, we miss some of these wonderful lessons we came here to cultivate into our soul’s code).

We now go through bouts of not eating (she has kids and if we have food or the where with all to buy some – they come first – always).

My kids, now think I have betrayed their Mom (although her moving on with her life is perfectly understandable – and I agree she, and everyone deserves to be happy). They – all of a sudden – think I did bad by them (when they never wanted for anything – including all my love, affection, and admiration). To me “a man’s success is determined by the size of the smiles on his children’s faces at the mention of his name” – looks like I missed the mark there… but, I cannot figure out how.

The upside is, if we survive the next five or six months, we will have a million dollar cashflow business that is helping create positive “Butterfly Effects” around the world, but right in this moment, but we live in sever poverty now and right on the edge of the abyss. I still have days (many) where I hope God takes me before I wake, while I have still been able to keep my million dollar life insurance policy going (I would sell organs and blood to keep that policy in service). The past year, specifically, has been the worst of my life and I have major anxiety attacks where I feel like I cannot breath or my heart has stopped (totally in my head), while realizing I am on the cusp of the real possibility to have the best and most fulfilling next ten years of my life in every way (including helping my kids as was always my main plan), every new day some strange new bizarre twist takes me down another rung. I could never take my life (I was almost a Catholic priest if you remember), and I believe life is precious and one of the two gifts from God (whatever you perceive him to be) – the other is choice – I do often think my kids and my wife and her kids would be better off with the money now to create possibilities and peace (so for people that think that way, you’re not alone. I also, used to do seminars and talks to over 2,000 people at a time on motivation, attraction and manifesting – now the person I have the hardest time keeping positive is me!!

What has kept me going (outside of incredible self belief and courage – despite my words that might suggest otherwise), is that I believe the highest calling is to be a servant (unwitting angels to others). Whether we want to be or not, we are here to be those servants and angels (even if it is just a smile or compassion in a moment in time we would never think matters – but it does). We are here to give and to grow – ya! I know I am repeating myself (it is the Yin and Yang and Harmony of one feeding the other). We are all reflections of God and the same soul after all.

Aristotle said our purpose is Happiness (or flourishing) which he called ‘Eudaimonia’ – it actually means fulfilling one’s highest purpose and potential (not having a Porsche with license plates saying “t’s my Prsch” or being hedonists). Our purpose and potential is each other. As beat up as I or you may be – our purpose is divine… and sublime. Or, how much we can be so sad and broken that we think it is better off to not be here, we have a higher purpose and with life we can fulfill that purpose and express those gifts we have been given to share with others.

Besides, we are super resilient… and I think we all know if we listen to the whispers of our angels, that no matter how bad things are, life can manifest better for us in a heart beat then we are even capable of imagining.

Think I beat you in the long winded category!!!!! Hope there is at least one thing that is useful for you good sir. I pray for you that 2014 is not only a great year, it is the very best year of your life in every conceivable way possible. Thank you for being God’s gift and angel to me today… and, I am sure many many people as well Steve. My the blessings and abundance pour upon you like Niagara Falls