Dear winterfront89,

I am sorry that you are having such a bad time, but trust me when I say this – things will change.I understand that living with such kind of people is never easy and it will never be, but you need to understand that you are much stronger that the current situation.

I come from a dysfunctional family. I was a weak student and therefore, was never really appreciated in anything i did. The love and care that I received was based on the marks that i scored.But no matter what happened, I stood by everyone in their hours of need. My sister is 4 years elder to me, married with a child. I supported her in all her low points in life (difficult in- laws, unsupportive husband). However, it drained me and I developed a fear of getting married . Today, I am 34, working, financially independent, but i am still scared of marriage and especially in those cases where my parents find me a suitable groom. My parents did everything they could to marry me off- sending my pictures and bio data like pamphelts, meeting guys who were remotely interested in me and when nothing worked, heading to the temples to seek the blessing of god.

All this might sound normal to those who have not experienced it, but believe me nothing was normal….from not getting food to character assassination, I have seen it all.

What I learnt from all this n still continue to learn is that I am important, deserve unconditional love and respect. But these things need to start from me. I started focusing on things that mattered to me, and those that were important for my growth – mental and physical health. I started listening to my inner voice. it wasnt easy , but it is something that will always speak the truth. Today, my biggest strength is my work and my organization. My work has helped me earn reputation and respect. No matter what my condition is at home, each time when i think of my office, I become happy.

Winterfront 89,I suggest that you take some time alone and listen to your inner voice. What is it that you want to do ? What kind of life do you want to live ? List your best qualities and go through them twice a day ( please include the fact that you are strong and brave). Have a part of your life which does not include your mother. Make friends , find a job .

When you cant change the situation, you can at least change yourself. I understand that watching TV is more of a escape route for you, but invest that time in doing small yet effective stuff. Go for a walk, write a journal. I just started writing about how I felt and it really helped me. Each time , i did something  good, I made sure to document the same and compliment myself rather than expecting others to do it.

the journey is long,u will find yourself all alone and I am sure that you think like that.But don’t let your reality limit you or your happiness in any way. try meditating and positive affirmations…these are the things that i did and it helped me to a great extent. I no longer feel shitty about myself just because I did not obey my parents.

This is your life and your are your best cheerleader. Take care of yourself !!

You are not alone, there are people you are rooting for you !!