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July 12, 2017 at 11:14 am #157690
PunkinParticipantHey there!
This is my dream, haha.
I’ve looked a lot into it, but I’ve never done it. If I can manage it financially I’d love to take a few months off and travel around. I’ve found some cool things that would be useful depending on the space you’d have: a non-electric washer , composting toilet, and a solar stove. Also there is this couple that travels in an RV (now a boat) but they have a lot of useful info in general and travel tips for the US. Their site is http://www.gonewiththewynns.com.
June 16, 2017 at 3:09 pm #153728PunkinParticipantKat,
You’re welcome 🙂 I hope today you feel better just by getting it off of your chest. Something else I’ve tried to help my situation is selling items I really don’t need or probably shouldn’t have purchased anyway (you can try online or maybe have a yard sale). It helps get the clutter out of your life, which really does help your brain feel better, but it might also help you tackle some of the burden from your finances. I also have found that a quick 3 minute mindfulness exercise from the internet helps me calm down so I don’t look for a quick fix to feel better. When I feel overwhelmed, I take time out to practice it, and it helps bring me back down so I can focus on work, etc. It’ll be okay, just breathe 🙂
June 16, 2017 at 2:53 pm #153722PunkinParticipantAnita,
No, I’ve only had this particular type of relationship and it was with him. I never had a relationship at all before I became friends with him. I usually (and still do) dodge advances from other men because you are right, I am uneasy about the idea of a intimate (physical) relationship with anyone, and the lack of experience with that did make me feel insecure, which prevents me from being fully present emotionally I think. This is actually something that I was very confused about during this situation because I know I love and care about him, I’m sad at the idea of losing him, and I actually liked what we had very much as it was (but I was still frustrated that we weren’t talking about it), but I didn’t feel like I desired more than that. After going through this, I’ve started to realize that I identify within the asexual spectrum, which I know not everyone understands, but after learning how others who identify as asexual feel about intimacy, I just know that’s where I’m at with it. So yes, I think my lack of showing physical interest, and my insecurities with my lack of experience kept me from seeming open to anything more, and because I’ve realized this about myself I do realize that that must have been confusing and frustrating for him as well. I feel I should deal with these insecurities, and spend more time with them before I can be in a healthy relationship with anyone, but it feels like I can’t do that while spending so much energy on the end of this one. I don’t want to beat myself up over what I could have or should have done differently, I don’t want to resent him because I feel like he wants to keep me on “the back burner” (when I really know it’s probably more complicated for him than that), and I don’t want us to try to hold on to each other if it’s not in either of our best interests (and I really don’t want that to hurt someone else in the process). Thank you for somewhat validating that it’s okay for me to consider this an actual relationship, because I have such a hard time feeling okay with considering it a break up of sorts. Thank you for taking the time to listen to me and share your thoughts. I really appreciate what you had to say and it was very helpful 🙂
June 16, 2017 at 11:53 am #153700PunkinParticipantSam,
Thank you for your advice 🙂 You’re right I do have hope that it’ll work out and it’s killing me because I know I can’t move on and work on what I need to work on personally unless I do let go of it. I sometimes feel like he really just doesn’t want to let go of the possibility and that’s why he reached out on my birthday. But I know I can’t hope for the possibility and move on, like he seems to be doing, and that’s not good for me. I am filled with insecurity and self doubt, this is true. I need to deal with these issues, and I can’t do that while I obsess over this situation day after day. It feels better today than it did when this first started, so I guess on some level I know it will get better 🙂 Thank you for your encouraging words! (And welcome, by the way! I’m also new to this forum but I really like the community. I hope you find it helpful.)
June 16, 2017 at 11:37 am #153698PunkinParticipantMomongirl,
Thank you, and I’m sorry if you are also hurting. I wish you nothing but the best 🙂June 15, 2017 at 8:08 pm #153566PunkinParticipantI’ve been thinking about taking a little trip, I think it would be a nice break. I know I need to reconnect with some other people, too. Thank you for your advice Momongirl, I really appreciate it 🙂
June 15, 2017 at 3:40 pm #153532PunkinParticipantI’m sorry that you’re struggling. I, too, go into these phases I guess you could say, where I just go on auto pilot and spend money I don’t have on things that I think will make me happy. I know how disappointing and discouraging it can feel when you realize you’ve dug a bit of a hole. I have a problem opening up to my friends as well, but I recently went through something that sort of forced me to talk to one of my close friends about it. Try not to keep things locked away in your head. Let yourself lean on someone. When I finally opened up to my friend it was like a weight off my shoulders. Since I have opened up, I haven’t felt the numb, depressed feeling I felt I needed to distract myself from. I feel some tough emotions actually, but I feel like I am working on them instead of pushing them down and ignoring them, and I think that is helping. If you can’t be open with a friend, maybe try a counselor since it’s a safe and judgement free environment. It’s scary to be vulnerable, but it’s worth the risk I think. I also had a professor say in a lecture once that keeping secrets, no matter how small can be extremely draining because you’re constantly keeping up appearances. I think that was what caused most of my anxiety, keeping this problem to myself like it was a secret. Now that I’m not hiding I have one less thing weighing me down. I wish I had advice for how to get back on track financially. In my own situation I feel my main option/priority is to find a second job until I’m in a secure place, but I don’t know if that’s an option for you or even necessary? I hope you find the solution you need, and just know you’re not alone 🙂
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