Hi lostandlovinit,

Wondering if this person is exhausting because you keep trying to please her or change in some way so that she or her attitude changes? It must be a really difficult situation. Draining. For your sake, what might you need to change so that you aren’t so tired & feeling hate in her presence?

For yourself – maybe try taking her her words, appearance, work style, as a fact i.e. try not to judge – they just “are”. Practice on less emotive items first like watching tv, reading emails, talking in benign situations: without reacting just register the words & events (as facts, if you like but without judgement or emotion) then move mindfully to the next moment. Be a detached observer when you can. It can be very calming when you don’t ‘buy in’. You may be able to step back & see her behaviour towards you for what it is, see your choices more clearly & make decisions about your life from there. Trying to change another person is almost guaranteed to ‘end in tears’ – yours most likely.

Without strong emotion you may be able to make the best decision about what is right for you rather than reacting to what is ‘wrong’ about your supervisor (& possible themes of you feeling perhaps lesser or unworthy, incapable etc). Being an observer can often change dynamics & you sound very strong from the above & would most likely be easily able to make the transition to watching rather than engaging or judging.

If we choose we can change anything about ourselves but we can change nothing about others – influence is a far more powerful tool but that’s another story 🙂

Good luck with your chosen path & be Buddha brave. Let us know how you go if you wish.

Reginette