Emelle,

As a divorcee, my heart bleeds for you in this situation. However, and this is just from an outside prospective & something I would say to a girlfriend over coffee but, what do you want to teach your daughter? With what you have already said about “I am not committed to staying in my current marriage forever, but i believe if i can stay at least until my youngest graduates from high school, that will be what is best for her.” Is it? I had to ask myself this many times, but is it really ” the best thing”. I believe some times that your daughter or any child can really benefit by seeing their parents own up and do what is truly best for themselves. Now, I would never, ever ask or want you to do anything that you see as not best for her, but do we always really know what that means? Would staying in a loveless, unhappy marriage teach her anything? Would she feel guilty looking back that her parents stayed married for her “happiness”? Will she grows up and end up with a partner that treats her mediocre at best because subconsciously it is “what she knows”.

Even if your life is tolerable, Emelle…is that what life should be…tolerable? I know the idea of a broken home and divorce on an already anxious child is not “the dream” but give her the chance to surprise you as children often do. Some of her unhappiness may come from her sensing an unhappiness or unease in her parents that she cannot fix. I think there comes a time that we have to teach our children that life is short. That doesn’t mean just go out and do WHATEVER we want, but I think that the greatest lesson you could teach your growing daughter is that life is for the taking and sitting back and being with a man that treats you the way he does is not teaching her anything but to accept that we can’t change our position in life.

As an anxiety sufferer, I know this is all way easier said than done. (you have done it before also, so you know) The first step is the hardest- dream big for yourself and dream big for your daughter. There will be anxiety in her life, forever. If you can teach her healthy ways to live with and conquer her anxiety instead of hiding her away from them, it may help more so in the long run & If your husband doesn’t want to step up and do the work, maybe it is best you get her out of that situation anyways. We all deserve to be around people who want to be in our lives and do the work to be there.  Hear this when I say, You are worthy of love, worthy of a life you don’t just tolerate.

with love,

Rej