I had just random thoughts… not in specific context, really… just some general feelings…

Everyone needs love, protection and respect… Everyone needs to be offered the feeling of security and non-fear. If we decide to set healthy boundaries during conflict, the boundaries will protect everyone. They will not isolate us from others. They will only help everyone understand our world, our needs, our difficulties and suffering… so that we could cultivate compassion, the capacity to understand suffering, and help to remove it, transform it…

Maybe it could be useful… ?

🦋

Hello again!

I only visit forums when I’m at the PC and I try to spend a little more time offline, so I apologize if my responses take so long.

Also, I often can’t concentrate at the computer and I miss a lot. I wrote some points and my answer in peace and quiet in our garden. 😊 Let me know if I missed something.

I’m not sure if “not deserving” is the right word, Lucidity, but maybe it’s related to what Alessa wrote about. (?) Sometimes my moral values don’t meet my needs. It sounds strange, I know… An example: I am willing to be vulnerable, to offer understanding and compassion, but very often I find that the other party doesn’t offer it to me.

And perhaps this is what Anita meant – that our vulnerability, which we offer through a desire to understand or through honest sharing of our feelings, is used against us because others are unwilling (or unable) to do the same.

Let me know if I understood correctly.

I have to ask, not because I’m questioning someone’s point of view, but because I’m not at all sure I understand it.

On forums and in life, in conflict and out of conflict, we must ask… and not assume that people see the world through our suffering, difficulties and aspirations. ❤️

Lucidity, I visit mental health forum. And the reason I feel safe there is because people are very honest, open and responsible for their own suffering. I won’t say who wrote to me – male or female. And I won’t transcribe word for word what they wrote in order to maintain anonymity. So… they wrote to me: “Please, don’t talk to me right now. I’m going through a difficult time and I might hurt you. And I don’t want to, because I like you. Remember, you didn’t do anything. It is my illness, not you.”

I think it’s a nice example of when compassion and boundaries meet in a healthy way. They set their boundaries and in doing so they show compassion for themselves, but also for me by expressing concerns that they might hurt me and by saying that the problem is the illness, not me. But it is also an example of how this person, although they have a very serious mental disorder, have their problems under control (or at least they try really hard to do so) and they don’t use their own suffering as an excuse for their actions. (which many people do!)

Today, I know that people’s suffering in its different forms – pain, issues, trauma, personality and mental disorders, … – explain a lot about people’s behaviour, but it does not excuse their actions. In healthy healing, people gradually takes responsibility for their behavior, they don’t expect the world to adapt completely around their wounds / problems / trauma / illness. ❤️ But it is hard. I know. I do understand.

I think that over time tinybuddha has become too small… and maybe too much personal… and too much focused on the topic of abusive mothers… which is extremely sensitive here… and there are recurring conflicts due to misunderstandings around this topic… And that doesn’t offer a sense of safety.

What do you think about it?

BTW I get emojis on “emojipedia” and copy them.

😊

🦋

Peter, thank you.

When I got a puppy, she was super anxious and it made me very impatient and I was tensed a lot!

I remember I had these momemts “What am I doing? I don’t recognize myself.”

I remember that I realized that I behaved exactly like my mom. When I was a child, I had social phobia and my mom was very impatient and strict. I did exactly the same to my poor frightened puppy.

The tension was really my consciousness showing me the bad pattern my mom taught me. It opened a completely new chapter of my life.

I started to change into more open, loving person and I also reached my mom in irder to talk about it and found out a lot about her own feelings and troubles she was having when I was a child, which made us closer.

It is actually a great memory. Thank you! 😊

Alessa,

if you feel better, would you like to discuss the “unrealistic expectations and assumptions” you have mentioned before? I believe it is a typical source of misunderstanding in communication.

It could be useful to look into it together. 🙂

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Hello Lucidity,

I would love to!

I like it. I try to approach conflicts as opportunities to learn and grow.

I would like to say that you don’t have to worry about me being upset. I have absolutely no reason to be.

I am trying to understand people better, to reconnect with them. I cannot do that without accepting them and their different opinions / experiences / difficulties.

People are like flowers. 🌺 Maybe it’s the innocence of flowers… and of trees and animals. They are just what they are and no one can be mad at them for that. When I think about people this way – that they are just people and do what people do – it helps me understand… and be more compassionate.

I will not be upset at anyone for being a human.

I may be more fortunate… I am healthy. I have a joyful personality. I am forgiving and accepting. I have solved large part of my issues. I know that not everyone is so fortunate as I am. And that makes me feel that I should be more responsible and careful.

I feel like more fortunate people have to give more to those less fortunate… especially in hard times… And don’t get me wrong. I think it is right… But sometimes I end up with the feelings of being overlooked… as if my feelings, my needs, are suddenly not as important as those who are still dealing with trauma or difficulties…

So, in conflicts I very often find myself in this inner conflict. I must work harder on my inner stability. I guess.

Thank you for reading!

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I just want to say that everything fine. 😊

It’s just that this forum is probably not suitable for me because there are too few active people and the vast majority don’t want to get involved, so it’s all pointless. Forum is for discussion, and when there is no one who wants to discuss things, you know… it doesn’t make sense.

But I think that I just don’t understand this concept of forum.

So, I will visit another one.

I am sending ❤️ and ☀️

I realize I started this thread at a bad time. I’m missing a lot of things. Honestly, I’m a little confused about what’s going on.

I don’t like this atmosphere.

What a pity.

Never mind.

I’ll find a different place to discuss these things openly. 😊

Take care all!

Alessa, you can get in touch in email. It feels more safe than here. ❤️