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silvery blueParticipant🫂 ❤️
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silvery blueParticipantTee and Alessa, I understand you. ❤️
Maybe Anita would like to add her point of view, or explain her feelings about the conflict?
I am open to hear you, too, Anita. 🌸
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September 3, 2025 at 10:44 am in reply to: How to not get discouraged when trying to make friends in adulthood #449245silvery blueParticipantWas the covid period hard for you, MissLDuchess?
I understand. I would love to have a female friend irl. 😊
But I have a great female friend Alessa at least online! ❤️
I socialize on forums, also discord… you can send voice messages or call each other on discord. But you must be careful, of course.
I like that I can meet people from the other side of the planet online and get to know them.
And here and there a real friendship arise… even though only online.
We must keep trying. 😊
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silvery blueParticipantHello everyone,
I’m wondering if you have any ideas or experiences on how to behave properly when we want to be polite and assertive, but perhaps we have to say something that is not pleasant to the other person…
But we need to say it, because that person is negatively affecting themselves or others… perhaps they are suffering terribly, but because of their own suffering they don’t even see how they are destroying themselves and others…
It is very difficult for me, because this very often leads to a conflict, because many people don’t like being confronted with their own mistakes.
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silvery blueParticipantHello Tee,
thank you for your kind words and support!
I am very interested in more of your thoughts.
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September 3, 2025 at 6:24 am in reply to: How to not get discouraged when trying to make friends in adulthood #449230silvery blueParticipantHello Miss Duchess,
it is hard. I think it really takes time and also a lot of learning and growing… There is no universal advice or cure for this.
I personally keep trying… as you wrote, “I want to keep putting myself out there, open to connection, and cultivate real, supportive friendships.” I agree. And maybe it’s the best way…
We have to accept that there might be more dissapointments, because the world is so vast… and people are so different and sometimes complicated… It is not easy to make a genuine friendship, to find the “right” one. It can feel like looking for a needle in a haystack.
I really like that you try and you don’t get bitter. ❤️
BTW, what are your thoughts on online friendships?
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September 3, 2025 at 6:14 am in reply to: How to Heal from Past Social Disappointments and Build Genuine Friendships #449228silvery blueParticipantI believe that healing is about forgiving and accepting. 🙏 😊 Without that, we cannot “move forward and heal from lingering resentment”, as MissLDuchess wrote.
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silvery blueParticipantHello James,
I think I understand you. Maybe not exactly in the right sense of Buddhist teachings, but I relate…
I had difficulties and the way I thought about them really helped me heal…
In short, I appeared in the world, at some time, in some place… and everyone did what they could, what their understanding at the time allowed them to do… and maybe it wasn’t always entirely good or right… but by not perceiving my experience as “me” or something that defined me, I believed I healed faster…
It is just a human experience… nothing else… it doesn’t define “me”…
It is a form of detachment. I think. But the good detachment… because I don’t cling to the suffering that was done to me…
I think it is a bit different from what you were describing, but I think I understand what you are trying to say here. 🙂
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silvery blueParticipantHello!
Yes, I like the conversation and different points of view, too. 😊
There are two truths in Buddhism: relative and universal. Buddha used the Five Remembrance to show the relative truth:
1) I am of the nature to grow old. I cannot escape growing old.
2) I am of the nature to have ill health. I cannot escape having ill health.
3) I am of the nature to die. I cannot escape death.
4) All that is dear to me, and everyone I love, are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
5) I inherit the results of my acts of body, speech, and mind. My actions are my continuation.It wouldn’t be wise to deny relative truth, because we are huma beings. We have bodies and a body grows old and gets ill and dies in the end… the same truth applies to our beloved… and what we do with our bodies (how we think, speak, treat ourselves and others, …) affects us and others, as well. It wouldn’t be wise to say that this truth doesn’t exist.
Buddha used the tools of relative truth to help us to practice … The relative truth, the Five Remebrances, is taught in order to cultivate gratitude and appreciation for the life we have been given here and now. But of course, his deepest teachings are about no birth, no death, the universal truth… In my opinion without understanding and mainly practicing and living the relative truth, it isn’t possible to reach universal truth…
BUT, please bear in mind that I am only a lay buddhist… I am still learning… This is how I understand this now. I might be completely wrong. 🙂
silvery blueParticipantHello Tee, thank you for your post. I will read it again when I am back at PC. Sending ☀️
silvery blueParticipantIt’s a nice question. I’ll think about it. 😊
I know there’s something behind it that might not be entirely healthy… I don’t know how to describe it. But because I was through a lot of suffering, I just didn’t (and don’t) want anyone else to go through it.
You know… when you know what it feels like… you don’t want others to feel that pain. You just want to protect them against it… and in the process you can completely lose yourself.
If it makes sense.
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silvery blueParticipantI like the four elements of true love (Four Immesurable Minds) in Buddhism.
Maitri
“When you love someone, you offer your friendship… And friendship does not deprive him or her of his or her freedom… When you love, you maintain your whole freedom and you help maintain the freedom of the person you love… ‘By loving you I retain my freedom, and by loving you I respect your freedom’… You spend your time with him or her with mindfulness and you discover everyday his (or her) needs, difficulties, obstacles and deep aspirations…”Karuna
“Karuna means the capacity to understand the suffering, and help remove it, transform it. The person you love has suffering in him or in her. You should be able to identify that suffering, that difficulty, and try to help to remove it. … In true love, you don’t have to suffer (with your beloved). You have to understand only. And your capacity of understanding helps the other person not to suffer anymore. … Your presence only helps the person to feel better. Your speech, your action, your capacity to listen deeply helps him or her transform and remove the suffering…”Mudita
“Mudita means joy. The kind of joy that is shared by both. … True love should include joy. And you are able to enjoy his/her joy and he/she is able to enjoy your joy, because you are no longer two seperate entities. You are one with the person you love. That is why, when you see that person happy, you feel very happy. You consider his/her happiness as yours. And when you see the person unhappy, you are able to do something in order to help him or her to suffer less. You don’t say ‘That’s your problem!’ In true love there is no statement like that. Your joy is his/her joy, his/her joy is your joy.”Upeksha
“Upeksha means non-discrimination. And this is a higher form of love. You love him/her, not because the person belongs to the same race, having the same kind of skin color, or sharing the same kinds of spiritual paths. … You love the person, because the person suffers and needs your love. … When you love, your love should include everyone. … When your heart is able to embrace everyone (no matter what their race, nationality or religion is), every living beings, it has no longer any frontiers. Your heart becomes immense. And when the love in your heart is like that, you don’t suffer anymore. … Enlarge your heart to make it into something unlimited… and you can accept everything.”❤️
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silvery blueParticipantI came to a realization that in my strong need to protect others, I always lose myself in the end. But when I try to break this habit, I always hit a wall.
I am okay. I am only ruminating. I am happy that it’s getting to the surface. 😊
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silvery blueParticipantHello Alessa!
“I was worried about losing you as a friend.”
That wouldn’t happen! 🤗 Don’t worry. I understand. Moreover, a good friend points out a mistake. ❤️
“I don’t think I get things right. I end up accidentally hurting my friends in a misguided attempt to keep the peace.”
I know. I feel the same. Maybe we should stop trying to keep the peace at all cost? By the way, you haven’t hurt me. 😗
Hello Lucidity,
thank you! You are very kind.
You are right.
I should stop trying so hard to make this place safe… to make it what Peter wrote about… to create a culture of respect where people can speak honestly, listen deeply, and stay engaged even when it’s hard. It’s about courage and care, not comfort at all costs.
But for this to work, the majority must believe it and become ready and open to it. Maybe, it’s not the right time yet. 🙂
But I agree with you – it’s my responsibility to deal with my own emotions. And I’m really alone in this. And I should keep it in private, not on a public forum. Maybe I can try to go through it with someone who is willing to be open and ready on email, for example. You are right. ❤️
I am just used to being honest even publicly, but as you said, in the end I “make myself a pariah despite having widespread agreement.” 🙈
Thank you. I will reconsider my approach. 😊
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August 31, 2025 at 10:33 pm in reply to: Who’s Here—Really? A Gentle Roll Call for Our Tiny Community #449138silvery blueParticipant🌸 🦋
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