Yes, sometimes letting people go with respect and grace is just right… and just enough. ❤️

For me, holding people and their pain in my heart with compassion and love is important. No bad feelings… but sometimes it is just safer to do it from distance. Right?

I am really sorry that I may be seen now as someone without compassion and understandning, because I have been pretty straightforward here. I am learning to find balance in healthy assertiveness. I want everyone to be fairly heard here. And I want everyone, if they are ready and open, to self-reflect. I believe this way, we really can make the best of this thread…

It is a hard conflict. It is! But it can bear fruit, as well. 😊

🦋

Hello Alessa,

but if heart and reason conflict, how can you tell which one is right and follow it?

❤️

🦋

Hello Brandy,

I really do hear you. Thank you for being brave and expressing your deep concerns. I’m not going to lie that I feel very similar, and it is only deepen by time as my concerns are ignored here.

I don’t want you to feel being ignored or silenced. ❤️

I am not in my best… I am still thinking how to deal with the loneliness when we are not heard. I am trying to read some buddhist texts to get grounded again.

What do you usually do when you feel upset in conflicts?

🌼

Roberta,

thank you for your wisdom. I believe you can see that this is not easy. I wonder… how to follow Right Speech in difficult conflicts when we feel that we haven’t been heard… or how to cope with the feelings that we are overlooked in conflicts?

Do you have any wisdom to share?

🪷

To everyone:

It is very hard to remain calm, grounded and compassionate when we feel in danger, isn’t it?

Try to think about this: Defending isn’t understanding.

It is, however, difficult. I know… and I myself am stil processing a lot. I don’t want to be active much now, as I might fail the Right Speech again. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I am aware that we all must take responsibility for being more resilient in conflicts. Otherwise, we will keep hurting… again and again…

🦋

Thank you, Tee! 🌸

I will think about it more deeply when I am off. I want to… it wasn’t normal. I haven’t had such a strong trigger for years. There is something still unresolved inside me.

I will look into it also for this reason – I don’t want others to be so deeply effected by my own emotions. I want to learn to take care of myself with peace and some grace… not to overreact as I did… I felt silly after that. And I could hurt others, as well…

🙏

Sending ❤️

Bye bye for now everyone. 🤗

🦋

It will turn out well in the end, if we allow us to give ourselves and others enough space, time, compassion and understanding. 😊

No need to prove… to fix…

Maybe just understand ourselves… maybe just asking “Why am I doing this? Why do I feel this?” is now enough for now…

Sending 🫂❤️☀️

🦋

But of course, remember…

Respect and Compassion.

Hello,

I can see there is a strong need to unpack this conflict. I understand. It can be beneficial, it can bring more understanding…

It is good and important to self-reflect. Sometimes the deepest self-reflection happens during a tough conflict.

I feel I should stay away, because the conflict didn’t include me previously. It has effected me and I understand and accept that I might be in Anita’s bad books for expressing my difficulties. It is okay.

I am used to not being heard or understood. Overlooked in the end… After all, it was stated – someone else’s needs are more important… Am I surprised? Not really…

It was also a reason why I started this thread… what to do with the loneliness, with the ’empty space’…

I guess, as Peter and Lucidity wrote, it is about working with this empty space inside by myself alone…

🦋

I was very alarmed by Anita’s words, which Tee reposted, especially:

BELIEVE Me, be on MY SIDE.
Keep current invalidating people out of my personal space: people who continue my mother’s work of invalidation and judgment.. however politely.

I am not a native speaker, so I may be wrong, but my mind is reading this as IMPERATIVE, as an ORDER to get rid of anyone who even politely could point to a mistake.

When we had a little disagreement earlier here in the thread with Alessa, I wrote to her that a good friend actually points to a mistake when they see it. I personally don’t see criticism as a form of invalidation, but a chance to self-reflect. What Anita wrote, and I understand that it is some time ago and I understand that it could be under a lot of emotions, raised a deep fear in me that I will be PUNISHED if I happen to write something, which seems to me now, could be anything… anything that could even just by a mistake be seen as a criticism by Anita.

I remembered people in my life who threatened me to be “on their side”, otherwise… !!

I continued reading and the part:

This is my space—my healing space. I will continue to speak freely here unless Lori, the site owner, or a site moderator asks otherwise.

And it literally threw me into abyss…

Sometimes when I was a child and I happened to appear in someone’s “territoty”, which could be a school corridor or a playground for example, I had to obey… or it would end up in punishment…

I understand that Tee and Alessa felt that the words were attacking them… and when I read that Anita wouldn’t stop unless a formal authority steps in… it really reminded me of some of my bullies… They wouldn’t stop unless an adult, a teacher maybe, showed up… I had a horrible nightmare, full of violence…

From this point I just couldn’t read anything with clear mind…

When I read the last reaction to Brandy, I just felt that there is no place for me… only for Anita… I don’t matter at all… because Anita claimed herself “the most wounded” and that she doesn’t need to become more resilient… which is, however, a part of being more responsible for our own emotions, to be resilient and not driven by pain like I did exactly this morning…

There is no place for me, for my pain, for my needs…. because Anita’s pain and needs are more important and she will not do anything about it. This is what my mind – by this time probably horribly distorted by my own difficulties – understood.

I am so sorry… I don’t mean bad… I am just explaining what happened inside me…

I don’t crtiticze you, Anita… butall of us need love, protection and feeling of security…