“Its important to be clear on why I feel my message should be heard by others.” (Lucidity)

I was thinking about this.

Firstly, it’s a problem of our different cultures and I apologize if I am disrespectful or tactless. It is possible that I cannot see that, because I live in a different country and it, of course, influences my thinking. I always thought that it is actually very useful to speak openly about tough topics. There’s an emphasis on being honest and straightforward even if it isn’t “politically correct” in my country… I thought that it is beneficial… but obviously it is considered impolite in the west. (I live in the central Europe)

Secondly, isn’t it simply a human need to be heard?

And finally, isn’t it something family, friends, or people who want to connect with us, do? To hear us… But I am naive. I know. 🙂

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Sometimes something bothers me, but I choose not to bring it up because I know the other party might not understand… then I’m left alone with these feelings that I haven’t been heard… So, I try to change it, open myself, only to find myself that I did the wrong again…

It’s hard to process these feelings. But I guess that I have to accept that I am truly alone with my feelings and it’s my problem what I feel. Because bringing up my feelings to someone who isn’t open and ready is harmful…

So, what is left for me? Find a community who is open and ready, and willing to listen even to me.

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Hello everyone,

I am afraid that the words “triggers”, “trauma”, “anxiety” are overused and missused these days (which is not the problem of this forum). But I’ve seen many videos where people try to avoid responsibility (during contact with the police, for example) and misuse this sensitivity to their advantage.

It’s a terrible shame that this has become a “culture” on social media (instagram, tiktok, …) and it has become a “trend” to have some psychological problems. No one realizes the harm it does to people who are really suffering, because there is a group of people who, thanks to this “trend”, cannot even stand someone saying they have trauma.

We wanted to talk openly about mental health issues, which is important! … But the media has escalated it again to the point where we are slowly but surely reaching a stage where people with real problems will be afraid to talk about it again, because mental issues have been misused so much that it is a “trigger” for a certain group of people… and only because they have been exposed to this “trend” on instagram/tiktok etc. too much…

I think this is a serious problem.

And about this forum…

I have to say that for me… the words that were said in the conflict that took place here in this forum… that people who have a different opinion are “invalidating” and continuing the work of a person who was truly cruel… are really hard.

I know that the moment of trigger can blind us and we say things we really don’t mean. I did it. I came back and apologized, because I felt I crossed the line… It makes the difference: see, understand and acknowledge my own mistake and apologize.

But… to be accused of being the same as an abuser for different opinions… on a public forum… and let it go silent… that can hurt a lot… and it can last long time…

I wish everyone would realize the impact their words have. And everyone would hold responsibility for their own emotions and triggers.

But I am accepting and forgiving. I don’t live in the past. I believe we can start right now and here again. ❤️ I won’t be angry with people for being people – we make mistakes, it’s our nature. So, let’s learn and be more mindful and let’s try not to repeat the same mistakes again together.

Thank you for your thoughts here! It is very helpful.

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Hello Alessa,

I understand you and I know it must be very hard.

I really appreciate your insight and your effort to be respsonsible for dealing with your emotions healthily. You don’t use your conditions as an “alibi” in conflicts and it is very important and commendable. ❤️ You are wiser than you know. You are actually wiser than many people without autism or cptsd.

However, I know that this might not possible for all people with serious troubles – there are many factors – intelligence, emotional maturity, attitude, age, … which make it impossible for them to get this insight.

Or what is your opinion / experience?

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Hello!

“I think you raised something I have and suspect many feel at times when conversations have led to misunderstandings and or silence. It can feel like the only way to keep things safe is to hold back part of ourselves which leave us feeling alone and unheard. Even naming this tension feels risky as I worry it might sound like conflict.” (Peter)

I do understand.

“As you wrote, the commitment to compassion and respect can feel lonely. I suspect the best we can do is hold that tension with the same compassion and respect we hope to offer others. Which I know does not resolve that ’empty feeling’…” (Peter)

I really hope that with more effort and practice in self-compassion and healthy boundaries we could fill this empty space. ❤️

“We are all feeling, deeply caring individuals and it hurts being ignored, when someone rejects a genuine desire to connect.” (Alessa)

Yes. It is very important to realize that we cannot genuinly connect with others through our own trauma or difficulties. There is only a hunger for validation behind this “connection”. This hunger will never be satisfied, because validation doesn’t come from outside world… then being in a loop of endless oversharing is getting us only further and further from others… because oversharing is draining and unhealthy pattern (there is a big difference between healthy sharing and oversharing). Many adults suffer because their own parents used to overshare their problems with them. There’s no difference when we are adults and we have a friend who only overshares… they just left us being totally drained with feelings that we are not really important and fear that we cannot say anything. It’s a problem connected to what Peter shared about save spaces…

Lucidity, thank you a lot! I don’t know the concepts you wrote about. I might look deeper into it. I really want to think about this more:

“We can act respectfully while respecting ourselves whatever that may look like to us but if we don’t respect ourselves and self-sacrifuce, this is noted by others. Its opens doors to how it can be used to manipulate and exploit us, it can be seen as a sign of weakness by others and be judged, it can reveal different degrees of alliances that we have with different group members.”

Do you have any specific experiences with this?

Sending ❤️

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