And the worst part is that i know the solution. To all these things. I know that she was not the right person for me, and i know that i have a future, and i know that im going to find someone, and i know i know i know. But yet, maybe because im impatient, i feel like im in a prison. Im thinking that maybe these things are not even the things i need. I also quit my job which i hated, and all the constant mood swings are bothering me. Im in an unexplainable blissful state and then im depressed again and this changes like 4 times a day. Then she crosses my mind, and im always thinking about our time being together. I really wanted her to close our relationship with a nice talk – which we couldnt ever manifest. She is giving a fck about me like our time spent together was for nothing. Im not questioning my self-worth because i have a lot of people who are supporting me – including my parents, friends, gurus online, im here for myself as wel and I KNOW the solutions. Its just, i cant take action. All i can think about is calling or visiting her to finally close things how they are. But that wouldnt matter, and i wont ashame myself in front of her ever again. Because she just threw me under the carpet, even if im a short-tempered man and can say bad things to the people i love. Feels like she never even loved me at all, and all the things she said was for nothing.

Well, particulary my mother, and i can understand that, im their only child. My father and i are really open minded, we have adult conversations, but my mother still has some difficulties to understand that i have grown up. And yeah, thats why i have to get away.

Dear Anita.

It is safe to say that im lost. And i know that the suffering is not really linked to this girl – not in 100% at least. Im sadly living with my parents, moving out this year, i ve been planning this for 2-3 years, but money never really allowed it. We are a small family, im the only child, we dont really have cousins, grandparents, etc.etc. They are both supportive and we are OK, but they are choking me. Its not that they dont want me to leave, they are really open about it, but you know. I got plans for the future, currently writing my thesis (about the quarterlife crisis, lol) and finishing this June to get my degree. I also want to get my bartender paper, and i have a childhood friend who is waiting for me to have a rent together in Budapest. I was a late bloomer, and when i was younger girls were not really interested in me, because i was way too shy. Now its really changed, i am self-confident, i can get really well with girls, its just i am too picky in long-term relationships, which i dont think is a problem.

I need to get out of this rough patch somehow, and i feel that im changing. All these erratic mood swings day by day, spending a lot of time alone – although i have a really healthy social life, some good friend, lot of people i know, im an extrovert guy – and maybe the problem is that im thinking too much. About my past, about my future, and spending less and less time in the moment.

Feels like i dont even know myself at all.