Yes, I realise that I kinda made a deal, even if it were an unspoken one.  The main thing is, I’ve always felt guilty that I married him again even though I know I didn’t love him.  I feel that most of all I let myself down.  He is emotionally and verbally abusive to me sometimes, although most of the time is addicted to his computer and just ignores me. I wonder if I shouldn’t leave him and endure being poor but at least getting my own life back.  Or should I just concentrate on building my own life from where I am.  There are many people worse off than I am, and maybe I should just get on with it.