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MikeParticipantPooch, Whit, Kelly, Big Blue, Thanks for the advice. It’s true I’m still mourning the relationship and maybe these feelings of regret are natural. There’s a reason things came to an end and maybe it’s immature to overlook the struggles we had. I have a real problem with the way she handles conflict, and this is something I can’t ignore.
I got some unexpected advice from my 84 year old Grandmother today. She said that our struggles are hardly anything compared to the struggles we’ll be faced with when raising a family, building a future. These are supposed to be the simple times, and if it’s this difficult for us now, it will be so much harder when the real challenges begin. Those happy times I’m holding on to won’t seem as bright.
She’s witnessed lots of successful relationships and a lot of failed ones, and maybe she has a good point.
At the same time, this is my inevitably my decision. I probably need more time to understand what my gut is feeling. It will be a shame to lose her forever if that takes too long, but what choice do I have?
Mike
MikeParticipantHi Whit,
It sounds like you’ve got a real dilemma here. I know what it’s like to be in a complex situation, but I can only imagine what it’s like to add a child on top of it all. Trust issues are no fun. Over-thinking is no fun either. It may be best to think of why you’re feeling the way that you are, before focusing so much energy on covering up your insecurities.
Matt is right, you feel this way for a reason. Nobody is born with trust issues. You’re taught to feel the way that you do over time and through your experiences. Don’t discount your emotions and your gut-reaction when it comes to your relationship! Your concerns are just as valid.
Communication is always the key to finding harmony in a relationship. It sounds like you do voice your concerns, but try a different method. Try and get on the same page emotionally. Open up to him and let him know how vulnerable you are. Don’t accuse him of anything, but admit your insecurities and ask for his help. Chances are he will want to change his habits and will make a stronger effort for you. Whether it’s making an effort to introduce you to these friends of his, or whether he stops communicating with them out of respect for your feelings, there are steps he can take that are reasonable for you to ask for.
Your boyfriend is allowed to have friends, but you don’t have to mask your insecurities about them. Successful relationships are about being on the same page, and trust is built through communication.
Hang in there and I hope things improve!
Mike
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 